Comments for Child Abuse Story From Mary4 Part 6

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Jan 22, 2010
 Mary:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Thank you for sharing more of your story with my visitors and me. Though there may not seem to be any stories on this site that are similar to yours, know that you are not alone in what you suffered and endured. And I'm delighted to learn that you now want to move forward; it's the most loving thing you can do for yourself.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Jan 23, 2010
 I want to move on. empowering words Get on with it.
by: maurice

Mary 4, as I read your latest sharing with Darlene and her visitors I could not but help feel admiration for you. Don't just say I want to move on make it happen for you. I can, I will I must because I AM WORTH IT: ALWAYS BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. THINK POSITIVE, ACT POSITIVE, BE POSITIVE IN ALL YOU DO AND SAY ABOUT MOVING ON. Talk to a counsellor/therapist to begin the process. Than begin having a healthy mind in a healthy body. Get active and alive with other likeminded people in sporting or cultural activities in your area. Basically I am saying to you get off your bottom and love yourself enough to move on. Live well, Laugh alot, Love much. Happy new beginings to 2010 for you.
Jan 25, 2010
 sick.
by: holly ; from new zealand.

how a mother could do that to a child ?
her own child is DISGUSTING.

From Darlene: Holly, I appreciate that you feel for the people who write their stories on my site, but please refrain from making violent suggestions about what you believe should happen to the abusive parents. I have deleted several of your comments this evening because they have been inappropriate for my site. I'm a violence & abuse prevention educator, and as such, I have a policy against such violent comments--I understand that you feel strongly, but I ask that you keep them to yourself. I trust you understand where I'm coming from, and I thank you for your understanding.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Oct 09, 2011
 empathy
by: Anonymous

You have been through too much. I have a friend who was older, in her thirties whose Mother made her sleep with her. She was a dwarf and her Mother dominated her. It was the saddest thing in the world. She begged me to live with her and move her into her brother's old bedroom, with me as her roommate. I did that for her, then I fled the scene.
I am 58! I was molested as a girl, but I was seven and sexualized already.
I can't imagine your anguish adn your confusion about what your Mother did to you. I can understand when you said you felt dead. And how your Mother made your ask her to "finish" so you would have an orgasm. My brother masturbated on me with his penis and left me high and dry. I began to act out sexually with my little girl friends after he did that to me, as ashamed as I am of having done that now.

I don't know what the answer to your situation would be. You love your Mother, obviously, but hate what she did to you. And that is right. It was cruel and terrible, beyond words, really. I am so sorry that all happened to you. You were a little girl with a right to feel normal. Nothing was normal for you. And I understand that.

Try finding a counselor through a local woman's shelter. They have sexual assault experts on staff usually and you were certainly sexually assaulted, in an incestuous relationship. There is a woman named Sue William Silverman, I think, who wrote her story about her incest with her father. she wrote a book called "Love Sick" about her acting out sexually when she got older.

What I pray and hope for you is that you find a healthy man to share your story with, fall in love and never repeat what happened to you with your children. There is a book by Francine Rivers called "Redeeming Love" that might be good for you to read. It is about a girl who is illegitimate who is sold into prostitution in San Francisco and what happened to her through th eyears.

God bless adn keep you. There is a Saint in the Catholic church named Saint Dymphna whose story you can google online. She was killed when she would not marry her father. Her father killed her when she refused to marry him. Look her up. She is the patron saint of nervous disorders and mental health. I pray to her all the time. I am hoping to visit her shrine in Belgium in two weeks, I am going to Holland with my husband of 23 years. He is dutch.

Social workers can help you, Mary. You might be able to get charges on your Mother after all.

God bless you. I will pray extra hard to St. Dymphna for you.
Leslie in Ca.
Oct 09, 2011
 To Mary & Anonymous with the title "empathy":
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Part 7 of Mary's story is what was recently posted here, but for some reason it isn't showing as live on the site. Part 6, which is what this thread refers to, was actually posted in January 2010. Anonymous, although your comment may be helpful to Mary, without reading her latest post, you're at a disadvantage. She offers a lot more information and where she's at at the moment. I am currently working with the people who host my site to determine what happened with regard to Part 7 of Mary's story and get it live on my site.

Mary, rather than wait for the people who host my site to attempt to re-create Part 7 of your story (and there is no guarantee that they can) I am posting the reply I left you as a comment on this thread. You'll find it below. Although other visitors won't have read the update to your story to know what is going on in your life today with your mother, at least they can get the gist of it by reading what I offered as a comment. If you saved what you wrote, by all means send it to me through my stories page...I'll made sure it gets posted as soon after I get it as possible. Under the circumstances, you won't have to wait for the story to reach the top of the queue first. Just be sure to title it Mary4 Part 7 so I know who it's from. My sincere apologies for what happened.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Oct 09, 2011
 Mary:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

There are so many things to say. First, you were not to blame for what happened in that RV. The adults had all the power, and they misused that power over you and the little 3-year-old. Not one, but two pedophiles controlled you; one male who was enabled and encouraged by your mother, the other one was your mother. Please stop taking responsibility. The blame and shame lies squarely on THEIR shoulders because they chose to sexually offend, and encourage, actually force you to do what you did to the 3-year-old. This was not your fault in any sense whatsoever. Secondly, your friends are not in a position to give you advice on whether or not to give your mother a "second chance"...tell them to back off because they don't know the whole story, and you choose not to disclose to them the whole story, which is your right. In fact, perhaps it's time to stop sharing with them what's going on with your mother. Thirdly, forgiveness is NOT opening your arms for a relationship with your abuser. Sometimes that happens, but it doesn't have to happen. Forgiveness is for you. Forgiveness says you will no longer carry the anger and hostility associated with being abused. Forgiveness allows you the victim/survivor to live your life free from the all-consuming hatred and fear that comes with hanging onto to anger. Forgiveness can indeed come from a distance. When one forgives, the residual anger and hostility and fear lets go of the victim. Only you can decide whether or not you should have a relationship with your mother. Based on your reactions in your latest update, you've already decided, at the very least, you know it's not healthy. This is about YOU, Mary, not your mother. Wanting a relationship with you is about HER, not you. Your own emotional health is what's important here. Seek out some form of counselling to help you deal with this newest emotional turmoil. Thank you for sharing more of your story with my visitors and me. And again, my sincere apologies for what happened to Part 7 of your story. I'm working to ensure it doesn't happen again.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Oct 11, 2011
 mother-daughter resources
by: My Two Cents

I read parts 1 to 6, plus the most recent comments. There is one thing I wanted to comment on, the resources for mother-daughter sexual abuse. I was considering a return to social work school for my masters and I did some research on the child abuse area. I noticed the lack of info on mother-daughter abuse that you mentioned.

I have previously posted some resources I found in the "child abuse news" thing, in a reply to a young girl who wrote to say that her sister claimed to have been molested by their mom and asked on Darlene's site if it really happened. I'll try and look it up and if the site allows it, add it to these comments.

Off the top of my head:

"Who will believe me? Four stories of mother-daughter incest" - this is a video documentary by a Dr. Christine Hatchard.

Michelle Elliot, author and director of Kidscape in the U.K.

There is also a website, Safe Haven: Keeping Daughters Safe from Mom's....bah, I think I have that wrong.

Anyways...I don't think Darlene allows websites to be posted but if you google, mother-daughter incest, or women who sexually abuse, you'll probably find the site. Just be careful that you go to a legit site because some survivor sites attract....umm, some perverted people.

In terms of fiction, the earliest video I remember showing a female (mother) as an active abuser is "No Child of Mine" which probably came out in 1996 or so. One word of caution - it's kind of graphic. I still shudder when I think of it.

Be well.

My Two Cents.
Oct 11, 2011
 mother on daughter resources
by: My Two Cents

Another video resource is:

"When girls do it: the story of female sexual predators"

In the child abuse news section, the story where I posted my comments with resources is:

"Mother on daughter sexual child abuse; hard to understand by Jackie S from Texas, USA.

I hope that's of help. It's still an area that is not widely researched. Hopefully that will change and more awareness of this abuse will help to prevent/stop it.

Be well.

My Two Cents.
Oct 19, 2011
 part 6 comment
by: My Two Cents

Your mom is one of those abusers that seems to have everything go their way.

What I mean by that is that she gets you to participate in your own abuse (part 4) making you actually ask for her to finish and making you feel guilty when she's the one who put you in that position to start with. How dare she put it on you.

Then in part 6, she basically gives you to another woman and allows that woman to hurt you. She lets Janet fondle you in front of her even when you try to leave and tells you to be nice to Janet. She actually tells you to behave for Janet and show her your room. What chance did you have?

I'm amazed at her boldness. I can't ever imagine someone asking me if I would want to do something with their 8 year old kid. Reading the story, I really wish she had asked the wrong person so that child welfare would have been told.

I'm so glad you got out of that environment. I hope your mother is not in a position to hurt you now.

And, despite asking for "it" as you wrote in part 4, no blame lies on you. Your mother manipulated events so you would go along with things. She put you in positions where she KNEW you would react as you did, and used that reaction to reinforce and continue the abuse. With letting others abuse you, she taught you that you were there to be abused by adults like her, Janet, and others that your mother encouraged to hurt you. All of that, the adults are responsible for it, NOT YOU!!

You are not to blame for anything that happened. I hope you will consider reporting your mother and the other adults for what they did to you. They should be held accountable and punished for hurting you.
Oct 29, 2011
 Thank you all
by: Mary

Let me tell you not all people were happy with my mothers actions but were dismissed because she was a woman. When I was stripped on the beach and left nude for a while mother could look around at the people and see who were the ones interested just because they would stare for long peroids of time. Those would be the ones she would befriend and many times those people would befriend her. There are more perverts out there than you know. Mother also had internet resourse and of course places where those kind of people hang out. I'm not saying that there was a lot of different people but those were the worst one and why I can not tell the complete story. Some of which I really can't remember because of the speed at which it was going on and others because I just can't bring myself to do it. Janet was the worst for me, because she was the first beside mother and because it was encouraged so much by her. I was given and that hurt more. I know I was used in exchange which makes you feel more than used.
Nov 06, 2011
 it still just puzzles me so much...
by: My Two Cents

Mary, what you're comfortable sharing is fine.

The sad thing about everything you have written so far, I can believe it all. The reactions of the other people in public is something they should be ashamed of. I get that your mom is a female, but women can be child abusers too.

I find it so hard to believe that the general public would do nothing when they had to include everyday people - teachers, pastors, social workers, parents, etc. It can't be that difficult for any of these people to say to themselves, "would I want to be treated that way? Would I want someone to treat my kid that way?". I mean, if a parent *knows* they don't strip their 8 year old boy or girl and make them parade around nude in front of strangers....? How hard is it to call 911 or child welfare and report it?

Just so you know that some people are decent, there was a case in Ontario, Canada about 15 years ago. (It was in the national newspaper, the globe & mail) where a young girl was taken into foster care when sexual abuse was reported. The abuse came to light when the girl, who had no money, attempted to give an ice cream truck vendor oral sex in exchange for ice cream. He called 911 then the police and child welfare helped her.

With the internet resources, yah, I know exactly what you mean. When I started researching this area, I had a couple of things I was trying to do. First, I wanted to see all the "worse" cases that could be out there to de-sensitive myself so that no matter what I heard in a counselling session, it wouldn't shock me. Second, I wanted to try and see if "talking" about it anonymously was therapeutic.

I have never seen anyone post something like, "Hey, I have a ____ year old girl/boy. Would anyone like to visit for $500 a day?" Or even things more graphic than that but there have been cases in various newspaper reports that moms/dads have been charged for doing such things.

The one positive that I can see from your mother doing this stuff in public and trolling online for perverts is that if you do choose at some point to report her or take some form of legal action against her, it should be easy to prove. If any of your abusers took pornographic photographs, that's also evidence of the crime.

Anyways, I am glad you're safe. I hope you're finding posting your story therapeutic and the comments helpful.

Be well.

My Two Cents.

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How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life

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