Comments for Child Abuse Story From Mary 4 Part 7

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Oct 09, 2011
 Mary:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

There are so many things to say. First, you were not to blame for what happened in that RV. The adults had all the power, and they misused that power over you and the little 3-year-old. Not one, but two pedophiles controlled you. Please stop taking responsibility. The blame and shame lies squarely on THEIR shoulders because they chose to sexually offend. Secondly, your friends are not in a position to give you advice on this situation...tell them to back off because they don't know the whole story. In fact, perhaps it's time to stop sharing with them what's going on with your mother. Thirdly, forgiveness is NOT opening your arms for a relationship with your abuser. Sometimes that happens, but it doesn't have to happen. Forgiveness is for you. Forgiveness says you will no longer carry the anger and hostility associated with being abused. Forgiveness allows you the victim/survivor to live your life free from the all-consuming hatred and fear that comes with hanging onto to anger. Forgiveness can indeed come from a distance. When one forgives, the residual anger and hostility and fear lets go of the victim. Only you can decide whether or not you should have a relationship with your mother. Based on your reactions, you've already decided, at the very least, you know it's not healthy. This is about YOU, Mary, not your mother. It seems to me your mother wants this reunion for her, not for you. Your own emotional health is what's important here. Seek out some form of counselling to help you deal with this newest emotional turmoil. Thank you for sharing more of your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Sep 11, 2013
 Part 7
by: My Two Cents

Hi, Mary,

(I didn't read part 7 til today)

You're being a bit harsh on yourself. You were sexually abused and trained by your mother to satisfy her and obey her. When she started sharing you with her friends and getting you to do sexual things with her friends daughter, I don't think you had any power to say "no." I would NOT place any blame on you at all for doing what the adults in the RV told you to do with the 3 year old girl.

With regards to your mom wanting to be a part of your life, I think this is something you could postpone for a while, give yourself time to find "Mary" and mature as an independent adult. I personally would avoid mother until she takes responsibility for what she did. Saying she made "mistakes" is.....a very, very mild description of what she did.

I generally don't post such harsh comments because I have a tendency to be VERY aggressive when I post comments sometimes, however as you are an adult and I have previously posted something along the lines of "your mother might have been the kindest woman to stray dogs and homeless veterans," perhaps you're ready to hear this.

Your mom used you for her own sexual pleasure, and to compound it, she shared you with her friends and made you provide sexual acts with other adults and children. I really have thought for a while that one day you will wake up from a nightmare covered in sweat when you realize the sheer scope of the evil your mother subjected you to. It's not necessary to deny a child a toy, a happy meal, or to beat them with a harsh spanking, a cane, a belt, to be an abusive parent.

In fact, I know some people have made the argument that sexual abuse is worse than physical abuse, partially because there are sometimes no scars, no evidence of what happened and when the child tells (discloses), if he/she works up the courage to tell, the lack of evidence allows the abuser to paint the child as a liar, and the child is left in that situation, WITH the abuser who can now say, "Well, they investigated and found nothing. Now, let's go to the bedroom...."

Gah. I hate these types of abusers. They are so cunning and expert at hiding what is going on.

Be Well

My Two Cents

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