Comments for Child Abuse Story From Maria L
Part 2

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Nov 15, 2007
Several areas to address
by: Darlene Barriere - webmaster

Maria, you can't change the way you feel, but you can change the way you think, and when you change the way you think, you change the way you feel.

["Failing as a survivor:"] Nothing could be further from the truth. Jay does NOT have complete control over you; if he did, you would not be able to attend school. You would not be able to reason out what has happened to you. You would not be able to see anything but what he wants you to see. If you were failing as a survivor, you'd be dead. And you are NOT dead, Maria, you are NOT dead.

["How does one get over (feelings that you don't deserve to be loved?)"] By re-programming the messages you received. The reason you feel that way is because Jay and your mother convinced you of this when you were little enough to believe it. You are now old enough to convince yourself of the exact opposite, because the exact opposite is the TRUTH. You ARE worthy of love. You ARE deserving of love. If you keep telling yourself the same messages that Jay and your mother played for you, you will continue to feel the same way. But if you tell yourself that you are worthy and deserving, then over time, those positive loving feelings will take over and you will believe them.

[Surviving:] You want to forget. You want to wipe the slate clean. I don't know a single solitary child abuse survivor who hasn't at some point wanted this. The burden of carrying those memories forever is terrifying, terrifying because the pain of those memories are continuing to live in you, over and over and over again. Maria, there were times during my therapy sessions years and years ago that reliving the pain was so raw and unbearable that I honestly thought I was going to break into a million pieces. I didn't break; I broke THROUGH. I sincerely believe you can break through too.

[Lily:] Your therapist identified possible reasons for what Jay did to you. Do not confuse "reasons" with "reasoning." There is a huge difference. There can be no reasoning for what he did, because reasonable people do not commit the vile criminal acts he committed against you. None of this was your fault. None of it will ever be your fault, no matter how much you try to tell yourself otherwise.

Maria, healing and recovery (HR) is a process; and for some, that process is lengthy. HR is not like a curable disease, where the person is miserable during the illness, then starts to feel better as the immune system fights off the infection, then the person eventually recovers with no residual effects. Wouldn't it be great if we could be given a pill that would rid us of the residual effects of child abuse? Few survivors wouldn't want to be at the front of that line-up.

I sincerely hope you will stay in therapy, Maria. I know that right now you can't see how it will help you, but give it time and keep doing the homework your therapist assigns. I have every faith that you will eventually "break through" just like I did.

Nov 15, 2007
No.....
by: Michael

You SAY that you feel like you're failing, but it sounds like you're well on your way to BEING one of those amazing people who overcome abuse and make good out of it. Keep up the good work! The only TRUE way that anyone fails is if they do nothing and become abusive themselves, thus continuing the cycle. You are not so you are winning this battle!

Dec 11, 2007
maria
by: zayra

Maria you asked this Questions: How is one able to get over that? Is it even possible?. I dont know if its even possible but i know that you can try to make it possible. For the first time in your life your free.Free from what made you scared. you may be scared right now but not as much as you were before. And you are a survivor if you werent you would still feel blind by that i mean trap in this world but at least now u feel like you can breath again. i hope you can understand me and i hope that you try your best to make it possible. well bye

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Part 2

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