Comments for Child Abuse Story From Lucy A Grown Woman

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Jun 07, 2010
Lucy:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

A rose by any other name is still a rose. It's an old adage that certainly applies here. You were abused, in many ways. And what's even more evident to me, based on what you described about your mother, is that it was intentional. If you re-read your story, you might see that too. And forget trying to please your mother; that's not going to happen. She's self-righteous and confused in her thinking. She left you with scars that don't want to heal. What's important is that YOU please YOURSELF. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jun 08, 2010
A tyrant abusive MOTHER; You will be fine: Stop worrying:
by: maurice

Lucy----SAY I am the most important, I'm gifted, tallented, loving, caring, gentle, highly knowledgeable and intelligent: No one can take all these qualities away from ME: There mine making me very special and unique in my own right: Your Mother humiliated you in all she did to you by abusing you: making you feel less her child. her teenager, young lady/woman: Mother's who isolate one child and do that is not a good mother: You don't owe her anything Lucy; Get on with your life: get on with the sibling you are closest to and tollerat the one's you are not: Each of you are beautifully unique in your own right: Value and respect that Lucy: Always believe in yourself: My oh MY but Darlene gave you her usual persoanised comment Lucy: Take special heed of it: Act on her encourageing words that will give you inner strength to get on with living your life to the full: I will: I can: I must: because I am WORTH it: Speak with your consellor, you will be very fair to yourself: Then Lucy get out and about as often as you can with like-minded people taking part in wholesome sporting and cultural activities: Togetherness with others taking part will lessen and lighten you anxiousness about yourself: great healing therapy Go an climb mount everest Lucy

Jun 08, 2010
I understand some
by: kristen

Hi Lucy,

I can relate somewhat to some of the things you write about. You are not alone in your memories. Especially regular and severe spankings and how it just saps your self esteme.

I remember wanting so much to be like the other kids. I remember this. I remember my mother choosing my clothes and my hair style. Every day she would choose my hair style. It was so disempowering. If I came home from school having changed my hair then I would be punished.

I would never have been game to fight back. I can only envy you.

Be strong. Good on you for posting.

kristen

Jun 08, 2010
not alone
by: Scott 1

Hi Lucy, like Kristen wrote, the spankings we received were draining on our self esteem and motivation, and damaging to our soul. Knowing that they will continue and are inevitable and unavoidable is scary for a child.
Being spanked in front of your siblings or others left us feeling shamed, I too know how that feels, myself being bare bottom spanked and humiliated in front of 30 other children in the classroom. We do however owe it to ourselves to overcome, rise above and be more than our oppressors ever thought we could be. That might just be the biggest insult to them. To prove them wrong. To think for ourselves and make mistakes. Those people are all about bullying and control. As children we had no control and now as adults we can have a very difficult time making decisions for ourselves for fear of punishments if we are wrong. That is programming. I still see it in myself today.
Feeling like I am little and going to get into trouble and punished for getting something wrong. It makes a person afraid to try and not risk.
The trick for me was to break that old mind habit and rise above. Im still working on it. And oh yeah....Im not such a bad guy after all.

Jun 11, 2010
THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR YOUR SUPPORT!
by: Lucy

Thank you all for your support! Sometimes just having validation makes all the difference in the world. I feel like for the most part I have overcome the way I was raised. Sometimes I feel the need to share, so I guess the damage still there somewhat. I know the biggest way that it has affected me is that I married a control-freaks just like my mom ... twice. I'm still married to the second one, trying to make it work as much as possible for the sake of my children but it's a very difficult balancing game. I have a hard time knowing where the line is between making my husband back off of pushing the kids, and when they need a little push. We do a lot of good cop/bad cop, and I resent being forced into that role. There are times when he's great with the kids, just like my mom was, and other times I want to just grab them and run away. I keep plugging away, staying active, learning, always trying to improve myself, and staying positive. There are so many other people in the world who have much bigger issuse and troubles than me.

Jun 11, 2010
Understand the balancing act
by: kristen

Hi Lucy,

I just wanted to write to say that I understand somehow staying in a abusive relationship. the balancing act. I understand making the sacrifice for the kids.

Be strong. Look to the future.

kristen

From Darlene: Kristen, staying in a relationship for the sake of the children is a huge mistake. When there is abuse going on in the home the children are also being abused in many ways, not the least of which is witnessing abuse. The "balancing act" is not for the sake of the children, because children would rather come from an abusive home than live in one.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jun 11, 2010
take the kids and go
by: michelle5

Hi Lucy staying in an abusive relation ship is not good for the kids or you. You need to get out for all your sake, you and the kids deserve better your worth more than that.

Aug 11, 2010
From Celeste
by: Anonymous

just because you had ADHD,which i had too by the way and were abused as well,doesnt mean you werent abused. if you have an inkling,it probably was. good luck to you! :)

Aug 14, 2010
Always believe in your self
by: maurice

Lucy: I,ve missed sharing my feelings these past number of weeks as I have been moving house: It was apainful procedure but never the less I am in my new house now: Having met Darlene and her many visitors through telling my own story the uplift I receive from reading sincere genuine heartfelt comments from Darlene and other who leave them consoles me and helps me: I hope you are living your life to the full or better since I left my last comment: Reading through your story almost brought tears to my eyes once again as only in the past week a woman whom I helped believe in herself 20 years ago emailed me saying she was having problemss understanding with her younger sister who grew up in a rural part of Ireland: Had parents and indeed a mother like yours who were uncaring: unloving and beat them to rear them as they thought that was way to do it: Painful still to know the effects of the abuse is still there after all the years: Thankfully her sister is in therapy and I was able to refer them both to this site: Thinking of you and wishing you well: I'm back on track to get my daily uplift from this site: Thank you Lucy: Thank you Darlene

Nov 29, 2010
I can: I will: I must: Because I am WORTH it.
by: maurice

Lucy: I sure hope you are in a good space right now. I hope you took Darlene's helpful, encouraging, supporting, affirming, words into your heart because her words to you were from deep within her heart for you: I am certain women s hearts really and truly speak to each other and empathize more as well: I hope you are more at peace and loving the great and wonderful you:

Dec 28, 2010
...
by: Anonymous

Comment deleted by Webmaster as inappropriate.

Dec 28, 2010
To Anonymous of Dec 28, 2010, who's comment I deleted:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Anonymous, you've completely missed the point of this website. If you can't be supportive and encouraging to the contributors who have posted their stories here, then you're not welcome to comment. I've removed your inappropriate comment, and will continue to remove such comments before they ever go live on my site. I suggest you read through my Do's and Dont's page. Thank you for your cooperation.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Apr 06, 2011
Me again!
by: Anonymous

It's me, Lucy! Wow, Darlene! You were so right. My marriage was not a good place for my kids. Since last August I have learned so much! Remember I talked about being forced into the "good cop" role with my husband? Since my last post, I have learned the meaning of narcissism. At times my husband was a great husband and father; providing educational opportunities, paying for my son's college, always buying expensive gifts, we lived in a nice home and I had a nice car. But, my son, (R), hated him more with each passing day. R always complained that he could never satisfy my husband. My husband and I had the same conversation over and over about how he pushed and expected too much and none of us could ever please him. Nothing changed.

I knew R was struggling with depression, and had been sending him to the doctor for medication. August 2010, just weeks before time for him to go back to school, R came to me asking for help because he was having suicidal feelings. I got him admitted to a hospital where he spent 6 days. Upon his release, R went back to school and I called him on a daily basis.

1:30 AM one morning I received a call. R was in the emergency room. He had tried to kill himself and almost bled out. I managed to get him into a much better hospital for 11 days. Then, upon my insistence, daily outpatient therapy, then tapering down to weekly.

Also, about this time my daughter was having more and more frequent arguments with my husband and began making the same comments as R: "I can never make Daddy happy."

I decided to take control of my life and provide a healthy home for my children. I moved into a small house with my two kids in November. All three of us are so much more relaxed now. My son is doing so much better. He has a job and is saving up and planning on finishing his last year of college in the Fall. I am seeing tiny signs of progress on a daily basis. I don't put any pressure on him and allow him to make and be responsible for his own mistakes. He is doing SO MUCH BETTER. I am not afraid for him any more.

My daughter is doing well, and has a very mature grasp on the situation. I am working on motivating myself. I realized I had gradually retreated from the world and all of my usual activities in order to avoid my husband and his unreasonable expectations. I sure wish I had made the decision sooner, before all the psychological damage had been done to my son.

Apr 06, 2011
Don't Quit: YOU be the winner: Always believe in yourself
by: maurice

Lucy: Great your taking control of your life with your two beautiful children Darlene is rarely far of the point when she gives encourageing, loving, affirming comments: It took you time to accept her honesty in telling you move away from that Man: It is past now: move on no more recriminations you and your chilodren are the most important now as family: Get help go for counselling th three of you: Your son will be fine when after speaking with a counsellor all of you will be: Lucy: be gentle and kind to yourself: have a real friend or two your own age and gender so you can share your intimate feelings in total trust who will help you have back your self WORTH dignity with respect: You'll be a great mother to your children; All of you will help each other to LOVE and cherish each others giftedness, tallents: Keep your children in education: get counselling also read Darlene's comment and own her heart feeelings words and advice LUCY

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Disclaimer: To the best of my knowledge the child abuse
stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
heard and validated with the needs of my visitors.



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