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Jan 20, 2012
 To Lost:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

When girls do not have a loving father in their lives it is not uncommon for them to seek out the love they so crave in sexual ways. Add sexual abuse and an enabling mother to the mix, and it's a recipe for more sexual activity, even when the person despises it. It stems from a lack of self-worth, self-love, proper boundaries and a dynamic that is too lengthy to get into here. And now you've condemned your Self to a life sentence for things you did as a younger person, a younger person who was hurting and had needs that try as you might couldn't be met. That just isn't reasonable, on any level. The more you condemn your Self for decisions you made or didn't make, the more apt you are to make condemnable decisions as you move through your life, and the more likely you will drive away the people in your life that you love. But whether or not the person you're married to is the right person remains to be seen. I find it remarkable that he won't "forgive". You already know that. I'm asking my Self, why would you already know that. He's already set you up for guilt and shame without having anything disclosed. I'm asking my Self what is it that he's protecting him Self from. You've already called him controlling. This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to me.

We all have secrets, and some of those secrets are best left as secrets. Others may disagree, touting an honesty-is-the-best-policy approach. I beg to differ. I believe that there are secrets that each of us individually must decide on whether or not they are best shared. And if you do decide to keep these secret, deal with the effects of your choices so that the guilt and shame will let you go. You don't deserve a life sentence. Please seek out some form of counselling in order to help you deal with what you've endured in your life. You deserve happiness, but it starts with YOU. You don't have to remain "lost". Take back your power so that you'll be lost no more. I send you love, light and positive energy. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Jan 20, 2012
 Prescious
by: Rita M

You have started already just by typing your story out.You were very young and very vulnerable.Basically a baby.You didn't deserve what you got.How could it have been your fault?
Your Grandfather is the loser not you.There is a way of you to stop thinking of him and that is going for all the councelling you can get.The essence of your childhood has been robbed from you and you never learned to have any fun the way a child would normally have.What you are suffering from is a void because your mother couldn't pay any attention to you because of the
problems she had.You were told to hold it all in.
That is what makes you continue to have sex with
men.That is what you have been taught.It doesn't make it right that is why there is councelling. Councelling helps you to get out of your system what you have been forced to have in it.Your grandfather knew it was wrong what he did. That is why he forced you not to tell.Now you are
an adult you can break all of his rules.He can't hurt you anymore.You can take authority over him
and tell him what he did was wrong.I would be strongly telling him how he really hurt you and the others.You really need to express this to the
relatives even if it is in writing because it is important that you stop the cycle for yourself and the other family members.If you start this the truth will come out sometime.The trick is to getting it out because it doesn't belong there.
You are an adult now and you now know the difference and can get help as soon as possible.
Please don't think of taking your life because of
your grandfather.He's the sick one not you.It has effected your love life but that can change.I can understand you being with guys but you can change that by becoming your own best friend.You can start mothering your feelings and start learning how to have the fun that you missed when you were so small.Do things you like and maybe be creative.Councelling helps you to remove the suicidal feelings and the shame and disgusting feelings.That is what your grandfather should be carrying not you.That is why you should tell him about it, because it came from him.Just give it back to him.WhenYou start taking back what is yours you will be who you are,You are loving just move the abuse away from you.Get to know HOW PRECIOUS YOU REALLY ARE.See it for yourself it's there.The little girl in you is waiting to grow.
You are here for a purpose.People need you but start with yourself.Be well.

Rita M

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