Comments for Child Abuse Story From Lory

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Apr 17, 2008
I offer the title of two books...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Lory, you asked the questions: "So where do I go from here? How do I forget the past and move on?"

Few, if any, actually forget. As for moving on, the key is in living in the present, in the Now; not in the past or in anticipation of the future. I realize this sounds very simplistic, so I strongly recommend you read two books from Eckhart Tolle. One is titled A New Earth, Awakening to Your Life's Purpose (this is the book on which Oprah Winfrey and Eckhart Tolle are basing a weekly webcast at Oprah.com) and The Power of Now. You might find some answers for yourself among the pages.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Apr 18, 2008
Sounds Familiar
by: Linda

Lory, I read your story and I was reminded of my deceased mother. The way your mother treated you was abuse, no doubt about it. My mother was diagnosed as having Bipolar Disorder. She would be loving and sweet one day and overnight she raging, abusive, person. That may be the case with your mother. Threatening suicide by driving off a bridge and going into a rage over nothing, sounds like someone with mental problems. "Divorcing" her from your life sounds like a good idea. But stick to it. Take my advice and don't let her babysit your children. Abuse repeats itself. I hope you find peace in your life.

May 23, 2008
Empathy...
by: Elaine R

Dear Lory,

Your description of your mother and her behaviour reminds me very much of my own mother. It is sad when someone has to put up with an individual like this in their life. After all, we cannot choose our parents, but ALL deserve to have a loving, caring, supportive mother and father.

I am sorry that your mother was NOT the person you deserved her to be. My own mother was an emotionally volatile, changeable, neurotic sort of a woman. She openly acknowledged having problems of her own (she drank quite a fair bit), and blamed many on me (she blamed me for being an unplanned pregnancy, and ruining her career). My mum seemed, like yours, to struggle very much with the practical and emotional issues involved in bringing up children. It is ridiculous, really, as you do NOT as a woman, get to have a child without giving birth to it. By the time this has happened, you should be confident enough and comfortable with your decision to have gone ahead and had that child. NOBODY should be telling a child that it was unwanted or a mistake. If they had always felt that, then their decision should NOT ever have been to have the child. They have NO right to blame the child for being. Adults should be responsible for their own actions.

My own mother was diagnosed with mental health problems. She had Post Natal Depression after having me, and was more recently diagnosed with Bi Polar Disorder (manic-depression). This made her behaviour erratic and her mood unstable. From what you have written about your own mum, it sounds to me like she may have mental health problems too.

It is sad that your dad is unable to provide support due to having a stroke. But be pleased that he cared. Be happy, too, that YOU have gone on to be a survivor, and a success. From what you have written, you are living a stable, happy, "normal" life. You have had successes and achieved things in your life that, given your past, might have seemed impossible. You were strong!

Perhaps your siblings were not as reslilient? I am very sorry that they have been so badly damaged, probably by your mother's behaviour. Don't be jealous that your mum provides financially for them. After all, she has created a vicious cycle there. She has harmed your siblings, and is now paying for it. Maybe the fact that she IS supporting your siblings financially shows that your mum feels guilt? Or maybe her behaviour, and the unstable behaviour of your siblings is so similar that mum now identifies with them?

Just be glad that you are happy, and well. The VERY FACT that your mum does NOT offer you financial aid is GLOWING PROOF that you are a success, AND SHE KNOWS IT. Remember that!

May 23, 2008
Just to say...
by: Elaine R

Lory!

Just to say, you might like to read some of my experiences at Open House (Elaine's Room), to let you know you are NOT alone in what you've been through.

We ALL deserve families we can love and be loved by. And we ALWAYS want our parents' love, no matter what they have done to us. It is a natural, emotional part of what is expected in a healthy parent-child relationship. After all, we cannot choose our families, and we spend so many of our earliest years with them... so it is only natural to have feelings for them.

But you are an adult now. A sensible one, who sees her mother for who she truly is, and therefore sees her relationship with her mother for what it is. Move on! Learn to recognise and value yourself as a individual. That's your TRUE success. Good luck.

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