Comments for Child Abuse Story From Lonely at Heart Part 6

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Apr 27, 2009
About the pain of others...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Sandra, when we were children, we believed that everything bad that happened around us was our fault. That is the nature of children. As we grow and mature, we come to understand that such thoughts are not so. But what so often happens when we find ourselves as adults being thrust back to our childhood, especially a childhood riddled with abuse, is that those same self-blaming tendencies rear themselves. During such times, we see things through the eyes of a child, even though we are now functioning adults...the emotional residue of what we've shared can spill over into our lives as adults; and we don't even realize that is what's happened.

Sandra, you have enough of your own pain to deal with. You cannot take on the pain of others, even when that pain is spurred by what you've decided to share. Sharing and disclosing what you lived through does not make you responsible for the pain of another. Their pain is a direct result of their own unresolved issues; it is not on account of yours, much as it might seem to be the case. Repeat that to yourself, and understand it to be true. Yes, people who are close to us feel our pain in some regard, especially when we turn to them for support and encouragement after sharing painful memories and emotions, but if they themselves are also in pain, it's because they have issues of their own, possibly directly related to what you disclosed, but there is the very real possibility it is indirectly related.

Also understand that what people say to us during such times is often what they think we need, or want, to hear. "I feel your pain" can be translated to "I understand that you are in pain."

Sandra, I know you are in pain. You have a right to that pain. You do not own the pain of others; we all own our own pain, in our own right. Try to ease up on yourself; you have enough of a load to carry without piling on more.

Thank you for continuing to share your personal journey of with my visitors and me.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Apr 27, 2009
Oh Lonely heart 6. from the heart of my room here in Ireland my heart goes out to you.
by: maurice

Reading the continuation of your awful painful, hurting experience Sandra I am very angry right now trying to imagine how you are really feeling. Be brave, be strong for yourself begin to let go of your own pain ease it away bit by bit by sharing it will your nearest and dearest trusting friends. Let them relieve you of it by just listening to you, loving you, hugging you, being gentle with you. Hi Sandra it is the only way we can rid ourselves of past abuse, past hurts, past pain, by sharing it with others and getting on with living our lives to the full each day we wake up. Wrap yourself each night with those carressing bed clothes and hug that Teddy by loving yourself to sleep thinking loving thoughts. good positive one's not holding onto worrying feeling the other one's pain. We rarely know of the others pain unless they share it with us so we do ourselves and injustice by worrying about it. Your number one in yourself now. You love only you for a while and then slowly Darlene's words of genuine love and support will become more real to you. I'll join with your prayers to God that you'll make a start to really loving and hugging yourself to sleep Sandra.

Apr 28, 2009
I appreciate it
by: Sandra

Maurice,

I want to take this time and THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for reading my stories and always sending some sort of comfort and strength my way thru your comments!! It means A LOT!!

I do appreciate it and hope and pray that YOU are doing well too!! ;o)


Darlene,

You always make me think "outside of the box"...
although in my mind (box) I am way way way down in there...somehow...I come out if just for a breather!
Thank you!! And thank you for again letting me express myself in your site...writing does help me.

Thank you!! Have a good day!!

Sandra

Apr 28, 2009
It is worth it to share a comment
by: Muarice

What music to my ears, how lovely are the feet that bring good news. Thank you Sandra, Thank you Darlene With those loving words of Sandra's I now know I offer some love and support to all visitors when I write a comment. Your site Darlene is gift to each one of us. Nice vision in the setting up of your site. I too get great help reading the love shared in other comments made. God be with you all. Just Say I'M SPECIAL

May 07, 2009
You Are Loved
by: Kathy

Sandri Do not feel bad because we now understand you more, You know I have always supported you and have been in your corner unconditiionally for years. I believe that what people in the family are feeling now is a certain guilt for not "seeing you and your pain" before and perhaps guilt for not acting differently when it all came out back then. Unfortunely we grew up in a family where in a way things where and still are Taboo. There are things that should not be talked about. They are now all realizing that that attitude does more damage then good. As Darlene said if they feel pain it is due to their own unresolved issues and you should not worry about others right now because you are the most important person in this equation now. We are all here for you and your needs. We love you so much and want you to heal no matter how long it takes. If you need to talk about it or you need a hug we are now finally all here for you and we don't plan on going anywhere so you are stuck with us now. We plan to be with you always in any way you see fit, whether it be as simple as a heart felt talking session or as I have said before as complicated as a march on Capital Hill to change the laws(there should not be a statue of limitation for this type of crime).I hope that you feel the love and support because really honey it was about time. You have needed this for far too long. You needed to be validated and valued for that special sweet and loving person that you are, I am only sorry that it took some people this long. As for the others well they may or may not come around but that is their problem, do not concern yourself with them because really they do not matter ONLY YOU MATTER NOW!!! AS for me, you have my UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND SUPPORT. I will always see you as my little cousin that I wanted to protect with all my heart but unfortunely was not able to prevent the pain inflicted on you in the past. I say we concentrate on the future so that you can live as pain free as possible from this day forward. I LOVE YA GIRL THEN NOW AND ALWAYS
kathy

May 08, 2009
There's always one
by: Maurice

Oh Lonely heart 6. No matter what there is always one member of a family who care, who love, who condone, who don't agree with what is happening to anothers member who is being abused. Sadly at the time they found themselves helpless to do anything either because of their age of feeling it is interfering. There are many such Kathy's out there. Lonely heart you have found a loving heart in Kathy. Use her genuine sincere words of love to You to make you feel more yourself, The beautiful ME woman/person that I began to feel I am not. Ah go on Lonely Heart 6. Look in that mirror differently Today and say I can accomplish anything I want. Don't Lonely heart ever doubt that fact. It is your life now. Not at all easy to let go and let people who genuinely/sincerely/trustingly LOVE you into your life to make the difference. Be Brave, Be strong for yourself and move onward and upward. I can do it, I will do it, I must do it. FOR ME>

May 09, 2011
OMG
by: Anonymous

I first started reading this in my computer apps class because i am doing a report on child abuse. I read the first couple of entries when the bell rang for lunch. as i walked out of class, i started to cry because i undestand the pain and confusion you're going through. i just can't believe someone would do that! and i thought i had it bad.

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