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Mar 19, 2009
Part 1: The "labels" were lies...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Sandra, "Dramatic, Problematic, Conceited, Blacksheep, Nasty, Mean, Cold-hearted, Non-trustworthy, Cry baby and all..."; they were all lies. These were labels given to you by people who were trying to gain control and power over you. These weren't people who were acting in your best interest; family or not, these were mal-intented people. The tragedy of it all is that these were also the people put in charge of nurturing and caring for you. And what can happen when the people who are supposed to care for you are instead driven to harmful messages of rejection is that they create the very thing they seem to think they are trying to avoid. It's all so convoluted.

My mother called me "a slut" from the time I was 11/12 years old, during a time when the word "slut" was not used as freely as it is today. She believed I was having sexual relations, so she labeled me that horrid name. Yet I was a virgin till I was 13/14 years old. But what drove me to have sex in the first place at that young age was lack of self-esteem and lack of self-respect. I figured, if I was being accused of it every day anyway, I may as well go ahead and do it. In my not-yet-fully-developed teenage brain, I was determined to prove my mother wrong in just about every way (I truly hated her), EXCEPT as it related to the labels she left me with: stupid, crazy, lazy, worthless, troublemaker, lard-ass, tub-a-lard, you won't amount to anything, nobody will ever want you, and the absolute worst: "I don't ever want another DARLENE in my house". Sandra, it was crazy-making, as I'm sure you can attest to. It took me 10 months of therapy in my mid twenties to finally drop the torch my mother had passed along to me, the torch that had me telling myself those same messages over and over each and every day. I can honestly tell you that eventually I was no longer fazed when someone called me any of those names, because I knew in my heart that they simply weren't true. But that took time. No one would even think to call me any of that now. It is very much a closed chapter in my life.

See Part 2: Treat yourself with respect... below.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Mar 19, 2009
Part 2: Treat yourself with respect...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Sandra, it will take time for you to no longer be fazed by the name-calling and labels, time that needs to be spent treating yourself with the dignity and respect, caring and nurturing, and love...love that precious few in your childhood had the decency to treat you with. Consider how you nurture and love your own children, and then mentally treat the little girl that you were with that same kind of love and nurturing. And then take good care of yourself. The most loving gift you can give to your children is to take good care of their mother.

And of course you would hold dear that wonderful memory of the Halloween night of candy and bliss and the clandestine connection to a caring aunt. Every child deserves to have such heartwarming memories to build on. Lean on that memory whenever you need to feel what I call those "warm fuzzies". Having your sister to lean on is another tremendous support.

As for your molesters and your enablers, they betrayed and abandoned you in the worst way. The emotional turmoil this has left you with will likely require the services of a counsellor. You're certainly worthy of that kind of help, Sandra. I hope you'll consider seeking it out.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Mar 23, 2009
Sadly Lonely Heart.
by: maurice

By you sharing your story I sincerely hope you give many who found themselves in your unreal, awful family predicament. supposely in he care of loving family memebers. Grandparents/Aunts/Uncles In most cases it is only one of these who do the lasting damage to the innocent one (Child) the vunerable one (child) For years and even today I can never understand even in the close knit of family that such a person got away with it. In my own story I am certain many knew that this Man was beating our bare bottoms but just allowed it which meant He saw it as his right to spank and beat me and the other boys at the school. In your ase Lonely heart Sleeping in the same room and sharing a Bunk Bed with her. I don't belief for one minute she and your Aunt did not know what he was at. Fear is at the center, false sense of family life sadly went unchalleged. Hense your life of isolation even among people who Loved you. You are brave to share you story with us. Great you have begun to LOVE yourself. You are blessed that you met a real genuine other Human Being who loves you for who you are and your two beautifuland lovely children. Lonely heart most of my relations live in New York. I being the only child of a single Mam. My uncles emigrated to New York. My closest relations all live in Yonkers. I've been there to visit them and I was in Queens Area a few times. Actually your story is so real that It beggars the Question Why Family members cannot isolate the sick one in their midst who abuses the innocent child.??? Thank you LOnely Heart, It ain't easy at times to build on the nice things that were happening for you at that time. But surely that is the platform we all have to build our lives on. For the one bad egg there were many loving, caring, gentle hugging people around us.Live the now time LOnely Heart. Let the real LOve of your around you now be your strength and let go to the best of your ability. Darlene is most understanding her comments are from her heart as is mine. She is a God Sent human being haven gone through her own pain of abuse.

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