Comments for Child Abuse Story From Lisa

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Feb 16, 2011
Lisa:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You are a remarkable woman. You managed to turn pain into power by choosing to work in the field you do, and then do so well at it. You've become a very maternal figure, which is something you can be very proud of. Yes you have psychological scars and you have relationship problems, which are perfectly understandable. But if you stick with counseling long enough, you could find a way to break through the relationship barriers and deal with the depression. Trusting is extremely difficult for you as a result of what you endured. A professional can help with that, but you must trust the process and mostly, you must trust yourself. Remember that the abuse is now over. These sick and twisted people can't hurt you any longer. It really is safe to go there, and then to learn the tools necessary to move forward in your life. When I entered therapy years ago, I was highly resistant, but I also knew I needed it more than I needed anything else in my life at the time. When I gave the process a chance, and allowed myself to really feel the emotions of the betrayal and abandonment and the anger and hostility, only then did my life start to move forward. Trust yourself, Lisa, to move forward in the process. You'll be so much better for it. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Feb 22, 2011
So true
by: h

I have read ur story no one deseves what happend to any of us on here.You r lucky that at least a loving family adopted u,but what u went through was truely terrible.I myself am a victim of abuse and i have a hard time trying to say what i need to say,and a part of ur story was so true for me to like,when u said,people tend to look at u differently after u tell them what happend or they just don't want to be ur friend that is so true for me to.I confided in a friend a good friend about my story.This person looked at me and said ,women can't be raped.I felt like i was hit by a semi truck.After that i learned not to talk about it by peoples reactions.I never learned how to deal with other people so I am married with 3 kids,but learned to keep to myself,needles to say i have no true friends.I basically stay to myself.I have always blamed myself for everything.I am trying now to learn to forgive myself it is so hard.Y ou know after reading ur story aua have hit on alot of my feelings that i couldnt figure out for myself.Just a thought have u ever considered going into the field of counseling for children or adults?Just reading ur story makes me think ud be great at it.

Mar 05, 2011
Truly inspiring.
by: Anonymous

You are an amazing person.You should be so proud of who you are.

Mar 16, 2012
Better Late Than Never
by: Lisa

Thank you to all who commented on my story. I apologize for not acknowledging it all sooner. Sadly, I put it aside once I'd written it and avoided looking at it again. But as I'd begun therapy again and also recently sabotaged what could have been a very good relationship with a decent man, I was looking for some enlightenment. I remembered posting my story on this website, though it took me a while to find it. As I reread it, I realized how clinical and cut off it sounds. There is not much emotion in it. In reality, there is a great deal of emotion involved.

I have also realized and learned much more since I posted this. For example, I need to mention that although my parents were determined and never gave up on us, I never believed they actually loved me, but instead the three of us were more of a mission they refused to accept defeat on. It took me until my late 20's to realize they did love us in their own way. My parents, although they meant well, really did not have the tools or understanding to help a child with severe emotional, psychological and physical trauma. They tried, but because they were very strong willed and unable to demonstrate affection in any physical way (which I desperately craved), I felt alone, ashamed of myself and my history/feelings, and was not able to connect with them in any meaningful way. In addition, they often did a lot more harm than good by their actions - though, I realize they would abhor the idea of that. So, connecting with them was something I could not do for a variety of reasons. In fact, my mother told me only a few years ago that she felt I hadn't ever accepted her as my mother - I realized it was true. I was not able to give her what I couldn't genuinely feel.

My therapist wants to try EMDR to help me deal with the tangle of emotional baggage and associated learned behaviours from childhood I've carried with myself into adulthood, which are no longer helpful to me. She also said that I would have been diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) as a child, if the term had existed back then. Reading about it now, I'd have to agree that many of the symptoms and behaviours described by this disorder I express to this day in my relationships.

However, as I've begun doing the work with a therapist I like (for the first time) and on whom I feel like I might be able to depend on to help me with this, perhaps I'll be able to overcome and remove the chains I've wrapped around myself because of the trauma, neglect and abuse. It is a source of constant pain for me, and I believe strongly that with the appropriate work/tools, I'll be able to start finding a way to overcome my demons and remove their effects on any future relationships. Cross your fingers.

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From Victim to Victory
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