Comments for Child Abuse Story From Lena

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Mar 10, 2009
 Understandable fears...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Lena, your apprehension over the opposite sex is understandable: You were betrayed by the first man in your life. And afterward, your mother was so busy trying to ensure her daughters were not exposed to further sexual abuse, she failed to realize that isolating you would do more damage. You didn't mention getting any kind of counselling after your father was charged and sent to prison for sexually assaulting you, so I gather you never got what you needed in this regard. It is also understandable that the closeness you share with your brother is a reluctant closeness, again, for the same reasons.

I think it's very healthy for you to be creating some distance between you and your mother. She placed you in a parenting role for most of your life, which robbed you further of your childhood. It IS time for you to get on with your own life. But I will offer some words of wisdom with regard to this...

Your mother has played the victim her entire life. Yes, she was sexually abused as a child; and for that she needed help she never got. What she did was fall on you to be her rescuer and savior during a time in your life where you needed HER to do that for YOU. She was obviously incapable of being there for you; and you've paid the price for her failings as a parent. But the fact that she has spent her adult life as a victim makes her a master manipulator. Don't be surprised if she stops at nothing to ensure you, her pseudo parent, continue to fulfill the role you felt obligated to take on as a young girl. Don't be surprised if she uses guilt and even shame to keep you in that role. When I drew a line in the sand with my own mother and her expectations of me, I had to stay strong with my convictions because my mother even resorted to telling me she had cervical cancer (which she did not) in order to keep me bound to her. Stay strong, Lena, and continue to take control of your own life; you've certainly earned that.

If there is a way for you to enter into some type of counselling now, I would strongly recommend that for you. A counsellor may be able to help you come to terms with what happened to you as a child at the hands of the man who was supposed to keep you safe from harm, and the neglect of the woman who was left with the job of ensuring all your needs were met. You've earned that too, Lena.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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