Comments for Child Abuse Story From Lauren M

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Apr 19, 2009
Part 1: You DID tell back then...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Lauren, you DID tell your mother. You told her in the only way a 2-year-old can articulate such things. She either didn't listen or didn't want to listen. She DID choose him over you when she went running after to him. She ignored all the signs and all the symptoms, signs and symptoms that would have gone on for years and would have escalated.

When you confronted your mother about the situation later in life, her response was in essence to point the finger back at you by saying, "Why didn't you tell someone back then?" As long as she refuses to acknowledge her role in this, you will continue to harbour resentment and hostility toward your mother. I do commend her for saying that she believed you; that was huge. Confrontations don't usually result in such validating ways. They are usually rife with denials, minimizations and/or pointing the blame toward the victim. Sadly, you experienced the latter. But even hearing the words "I believe you" may well have been bittersweet. Although you needed to hear those words, what probably resulted were more questions. Questions like: "What would make you believe me now?" "Did you know or suspect something about him?" And it always comes back to: "Why didn't YOU pick up on all the signs and symptoms back then?"

It is my experience that confrontations generally lead to many more questions, questions that can either not be answered, or not be answered adequately. These questions continue to plague you because there are no answers that can counter what happened to you at the hands of a perverted man. A vile and twisted man who's sick desires left a helpless innocent 2-year-old fractured, betrayed and alone. The betrayal and abandonment cut even deeper when the one person who could have—and should have—protected you and kept you safe from harm instead did nothing, and then allowed this man further access. That kind of pain is truly unbearable. It came as no surprise to me that your response to your mother was "you chose him over me." Because that's exactly what she did.

See Part 2: When our needs aren't met as children... below.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Apr 19, 2009
Part 2: When our needs aren't met as children...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You didn't deserve to be molested, Lauren. You didn't deserve to be ignored and rejected by your mother. You didn't deserve to be blamed for what is clearly the fault of your abuser. You didn't deserve to be called "spoiled".

You DID deserve love and nurturing. You DID deserve a childhood full of happiness. You DID deserve a mother who was present for you and made sure that all your needs were met. You deserved to be believed. You deserved a mother who would choose YOU over a child sex offender. The fact that she did choose him doesn't make you flawed, unlovable or in any way unworthy; it means she failed you, Lauren. Your mother failed you.

Lauren, when we get "stuck" by our past, when we can't get our needs met by others, needs that were never met as children and that now keep us from moving forward, we must learn to fill those needs ourselves. You said you sought out help...I hope you are still getting that help. You deserve to get that continued help, the kind of help that will provide you with the tools you need to give yourself what you've never had: love, dignity and respect. You've started by sharing your story here, by not keeping the secret any longer. And while it IS troubling that you are not alone and that sexual abuse continues today, the fact that you are not alone can be a conduit for healing. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Apr 19, 2009
Oh beautiful child of God.
by: maurice

Lauren, thank you. you relate so mystery abuse. 2 yrs of age. you said but you were not listened to. bad, bad,bad Man. Oh Lauren how could he do it.?? Abuse is a horrendous mystery. for me, I dispair reading, knowing, hearing of the abuse that was done. I was nine, I wa 11 when my abuse begun. I was a boy, looking back and your telling Lauren is so real, so important. the younger the girl in abuse as to why someone could do it. Harm the innocence of a 2 year old, 5, 7,9,11, etc and tell them it is our secret. Oh Lauren I thank you, Darlene Thanks you, telling the truth will my friend set YOU free. Darlene is your healing Angel in what she has put in her comment to you. You are on very brave and strong woman. now you have begun the healing process, go for it, Believeing in yourself. Your happines is in your own hands. Love yourself, That is my wish for you.

Apr 20, 2009
How Horrible...
by: Anonymous

I'm so sorry for what you've been through. I was wondering, did you always remember this abuse at age 2 or did it come back in later years? I also believe I was raped around that same age but I don't have any firm memory of it, just dreams and body memories mostly (and sexual knowledge/problems).

Note from Darlene: Anonymous, while I understand that you would rather have a private conversation via email regarding your situation, I have a strict policy on this site that does not permit personal information such as email addresses, home addresses, phone numbers, etc. to be included in comments or submissions. This is to ensure all who visit here are safe. I thank you for your understanding.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir



Apr 21, 2009
Through Annonmous and your visitors THank you
by: Maurice

Annonomous, a real enquiry to Lauren, Darlene as is her want safeguards you, Lauren and me as visitors to her site, She is a wonderful caring, professional woman in not allowing any of us to relate personally to the other visitor. That for me is the real, care, love, for all who openly tell their story of abuse. The comments receievd seems to indicate that we all care about each others welbeing admittingly from a very safe invironment the space of our own bed room or sitting room. Private and confidential that is how I feel and want to feel when I comment on yours/lauren and others when I make caring comments, love comments back to each one. Knowing Darlene is sitting there making sure we do care and love the other in our comments back. Annonomous I guess at 2 years of age that awfulness that hurt Lauren can never leave an innocent body/mind. you, I, Lauren, Darlene knows our feeling are very real at that age. we can feel the love of a mothers love, care, cuddling because that is what stops us crying when we cannot tell her the why. I am sure her mammy saw what lauren explains and I am sure she nursed it back in a mothers gentleness. So I guess Lauren did tell on that bad.sicko of a male, adult I could use much stronger words in my anger but I am sure there known without mentioning them. Thank you annonmous for the question. I hope you get support and love to cope with your life and abuse. Darlene is worth Gold to you and us all.

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this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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