Comments for Child Abuse Story From Laney

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Feb 25, 2013
Laney:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I learned a long time ago that asking all the questions about why would never yield me any results. Our abusers are incapable of giving us answers, and even if they could, they are never the answers we are looking for, because there are no good answers. I came to a place where I recognized I was asking the wrong questions. Instead, I began to ask: Do I want more of this in my life? And when I was finally ready to say, "no", my thoughts began to change. And when my thoughts changed, everything changed. Whenever you're feeling negative emotions, allow yourself to feel them fully, then find the best-feeling thought you have access to, and then find another and another and another. Right now you're in anger; and anger is an improvement from despair or powerlessness. Keep going from your anger. Write your feelings down, one sentence at a time, and then reply to each of those sentences with a better feeling thought, and then keep on going. Doing so will eventually align you with Who You Really Are. And when that happens, you will be a vibrational match to all that you really and truly desire in your life. That's a far better place than a never-ending life of living your memories. You deserve that in your life. And so do your children. I send you love, light and healing energy, Laney. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Feb 25, 2013
the pain
by: Anonymous

Laney your pain is evident through what you've written. I can't imagine what it was like for you going through all you did. You didn't deserve to be touched, or raped (I'm guessing this happened to by some of the things you said). You deserved to be loved and adored like a precious daughter. Know now that you can be that for your children and maybe that may help to ease the pain a little.

Feb 26, 2013
Finding God Maybe??
by: Laney

Yes I was raped by both my grandpa and my mother if mothers can raped, not sure of proper term. I am in so much pain still and cry almost every night wanting a real mom. My grandpa ended up in jail after they put me in foster care and he died in there but they never sent my mother to jail because she was considered mentally unstable cause she was bipolar/schizo and all the abuse had happened to her as a little girl by her dad also. I'm just so tired of the pain and I've never resorted to drugs or alcohol to deal with it but this last year I find myself drinking more and more especially after therapy. As a child the system never really tried to get me to talk too much and was just more concerned about getting me to stop hurting myself and acting out in rage. I spent 2 straight years in a hospital with most of the time tied to a bed and the Dr's pretty much wrote me off and said I may spend the rest of my life in there like my mother since she was on another unit of the hospital not far from me. I have so much anger I'm not sure how to let it out and oh the hurt is so deep. I'm not sure any therapist or medication can take away the pain but gosh I need something. I sometimes tell myself my mother loved me the only way she knew and that makes it ok sometimes but darn I'm still so angry at her even if she didn't know any better. When I was running away and hiding under the cars and in closests I use to dream of a mom coming get me before papa would find me. Well that momma never did come and by the time I was about 10 my mom was bringing home drug men that wanted sex with me in exchange for her drugs. Gosh I don't know if getting this off my chest helps or hurts more but my nightmares have been horrible the last year and it's all I think about 24/7.

Feb 26, 2013
Finding God Maybe??
by: Laney

I use to fantisize so much and pretend I was somewhere else that I made up a name of Laney and she was the little girl that was being raped every night and oh Britney was a bad girl and would do things like make her mother and papa mad at each other and then I had this mother Anne that would just sit and listen to me in the closest when I was hiding. I find myself getting lost still in this dissociated state especially since I started therapy. OK I'm not psyhcotic like they say my mother is because I know these people aren't real but they are the people I made up that helps me seperate this pain when I can't bare it anymore. I use to pray so hard that I'd get home and my mother wouldn't go get the little white gown that she said was papas favorite and dress me all up for him. She would scrub me so hard sometimes my skin would tingle for hours. I think I could maybe accept my grandfather abusing me but gosh if I could get rid of 1 thing that had happened it would be my mothers abuse it's the hardest thing to accept. I want a mom so bad. a mom that could hold me and read to me and sing my favorite song. Yeah I'm 32 now and time is up but I need to find something to replace this emptiness. My therapist is trying to guide me to finding God but I'm having such a hard time believing he even loves me especially since my mom always said I was a sin. I kinda fear that if I walked in a church I'd burn in flames... I need to know someone loves me and if he's the only one that could love me even knowing everything I did then I really want to find him!!

Feb 26, 2013
my heart goes out to you
by: kristen

I read this and cry for you. I can not relate to it. I can not feel the pain you felt. The rejection. The lonliness. But I just write so you know that someone read your story and has listened to you.

I do hope that you can see through and move forward. The past is behind us and the future is in front.

good luck.

Feb 27, 2013
Laney,
by: AnonymousT

First, I want you to know that often we bedwet if it's hereditary. It's upsetting and embarassing, but common. A LOT of abusive parents do not understand this. BUT...if we pee ourselves or even bedwet it can be because we're abused.
So whether you wet because of abuse or not, punishment was never necessary. It wasn't your fault.

I'm so sorry your mom wasn't a mother to you. I"m so sorry she abused you and betrayed you.

Writing brings the memories back, we feel the pain. I encourage you to get a journal and write as much as you can, whenever you feel like it.

When a same-sex parent abuses us it confuses our sexuality. We are gay if we're born that way but abuse surely blurs the boundaries. Pay attention to how you feel around people. Attracted to women? Men? Not wanting to have sex is normal after the abuse you sustained...I ask you to search for a therapist that specializes in childhood abuse. FOr yourself & your healing.

Nothing that happened to you was your fault. You didn't deserve it. You will find the light and you will heal - I have faith.

T

Mar 04, 2013
God does love you.
by: Anonymous

i want you to know God does love you and he loves you so much. please take your therapists advice. i recently started attending church. I didnt know what else to do so i thought it was worth a shot. Last week i was having a terrible day and i was at work and in comes my preacher and asked me to go to lunch with him. I knew that was god sending him because he knew i needed help that day. What happened to you was terrible. You deserve to be happy. Please remember what happened to you was not your fault and you did nothing wrong to deserve that. I know its hard. I am so sorry that you are still living with so much pain. When you are ready please give God a chance. i promise nothing will go up in flames if you go to church because it didnt when i went.

Mar 13, 2013
praying!!
by: Anonymous

Praying for you.

Mar 03, 2016
Still fighting
by: Anonymous

I finally found my old post from 2 years ago.... Now at 36 I still hurt and cry and push away people..,. I have this weird way during intimacy of not really being present and then when it's over I have no idea what happened.... I now have a partner of 1 year and she knows a bit of my story but honestly I don't feel she really understands the impact,,,, I CRAVE a feeling of safety constantly and never can seem to find it..., I've now raised 2 amazing kids which 1 joining marines and I just graduated with MBA and honestly most people when I was 18 was waiting for my suicide.... So I can say I have a bit of tenacity

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