Comments for Child Abuse Story From Kyra

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May 28, 2008
You were abandoned...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Kyra, both your mother and father were absent during the years you needed them the most. Both of them were so wrapped up in their own personal needs and wants that they didn't stop to consider yours. You were neglected. Then you were sexually abused by the men your mother chose to let into her life. She should have been there to protect you from such low-lifes; not bring them around to expose you to them. Then, she chose to marry a man who was abusive. And even if he wasn't abusive toward you before the marriage, it was up to her as your mother to stop him from physically hurting you. But again, she abandoned her duties as your mother.

I'm not surprised that your mother would not show emotion to you when you tried to talk to her about that night with the man who rubbed himself against you. Her response, or rather, her lack of response tells me a great deal about her own emotional state; she may not be capable of giving you what you need. You grew up self-sufficient to a large degree. You will likely have to fall back on that self-sufficiency when it comes to giving yourself the very things your mother—and father—are not equipped to give you. We are kindred spirits in this regard, Kyra.

About your father, only when you displayed the most horrible sign of abuse—an attempted suicide—did he so much as notice you had needs. The fact that he came from such abuse himself should have clued him in and made him MORE involved in your life, not less so. Regardless of the fact that your mother conceived you in what you term "deceit," he was still your biological father; and as such, he had an obligation to provide you with love and nurturing and support. He should have been there for you long before he was. Instead, he punished you for the actions of his father, the lack of actions of his mother, and the decision your mother made in giving birth to you. I sure hope you realize that none of this was your fault, Kyra, because none of it is your fault.

You did not mention anything about counselling...since you visit this site often, you likely know what's coming...I hope you are either in some form of therapy, or considering it. A professional can help you come to terms with the emotional turmoil, the feelings of abandonment and betrayal. Treat yourself better than your parents treated, and still treat, you. You are definitely worth it.

And Kyra, your story is not at all long-winded. I thank you for sharing it with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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