Comments for Child Abuse Story From Kristen3 Part 4

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Nov 15, 2008
Some final words...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Kristen, you said: "I have read many stories of horrible abuse on this web site and the one difference is that in all the other cases, the bad things were done for the pleasure of the perpetrator that was their motivation." With the exception of sexual abuse, in the vast majority of cases (not all, but definitely most) child abusers are not abusing out of pleasure; pleasure is not the motivation at all. Usually, physical and emotional abuse is a result of anger, rage, frustration, an inability to cope, plus a host of other emotions that flood the abuser. Don't for one second think I'm providing abusers excuses; rather, I'm providing explanations. In some cases, such as might be with your parents, the abusive acts are done out of a sense of love; twisted love, but in the deeply confused mind of the abuser, s/he has the best interest of the child at heart.

You'll notice I said might be with your parents. That's because I'm not convinced your parents were acting out of love. There was way too much ceremony and ritual in the beatings. There were way too many times they administered these beatings on the premise they were "training you". You don't know what you don't know, Kristen. You don't know that your parents didn't take some kind of pleasure in your "training". You don't know what went on behind closed doors after your beatings. I shared my suspicions with you already, so I won't go into anything more here.

Something has brought you to this point of questioning. Perhaps you are expecting a child or talking about having children. Perhaps an incident with your husband has triggered memories and thoughts. But whatever has brought you to this questioning, you need help sorting it out, help that I can't provide you with. No one on this site can. So I urge you to get some form of counselling.

Thank you again for sharing more of your story with my visitors and me. I do hope you'll keep writing for cathartic reasons. But I don't want you to feel obligated to post here on this website. Writing can be very cleansing all on its own. I hope you'll consider seeking out professional help. I do wish you all the best, Kristen.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Dec 09, 2008
I agree
by: Scott from Nova Scotia Canada

I have written my story on here too.I understand what you mean about submission.I have read other comments left by a Kristen on other stories and agree that it would be good to talk about this incredably humiliating punishment.Its so private and so deep.I experienced submission at the hands of my teacher.Being held still while someone stares at your body and strikes you over and over.Many times with you clothes removed.The power they have.I have read the comments on the site regarding on line forums and spanking fetish.I read the comments by a kristen and agree it would be really good to talk to someone who knows the deep feelings regarding your experience.I have no one but this site to tell.I cant talk to anyone in my world.They wouldnt understand and dont care.I feel for you,I agree with you.I appreciate you putting your story here.Feel free to read mine,maybe you wont feel so alone.

Aug 01, 2009
I read your comment
by: Mary

I read your story and I'm so sorry for you. I've always been glad I was not beaten, and by not fighting my mother with what she was doing to me was I guess my way of keeping that from happening. You were controlled by them and I don't know why you had to were a swimsuit to be punished or why you had to wear baby doll night gowns in front of visitors. Maybe because of their standing in the community, that's as sexual as the dared get with you. My mother had no fear of what she did, If she undressed me at the lake or at the ocean and I was nude it was ok because she was a woman with her child, nothing sexual was every thought. I hope you can put this behind you sometime and look forward only, looking back at the past may rob you of your future.

Oct 11, 2009
Lets move past this
by: Mary4

Kristin, I'd like to tell you I understand what you've been through. You've said that you don't wish to hurt your parents and that you feel a sense of family. I feel your parents were like the masters and you were the slave in some weird s&m game. They hurt you and punished you for no reason and I'll bet when they were alone in the bed at night they used what they did to you as some sort of perverted sex play. Maybe because you showed little sign of resisting the modeling for your father that that was never pursued. And the swim suit you had to were was just a way of making you squirm and feel scared before they did caned you. It was s&m forplay. I feel I understand you because I felt the need to be the good daughter, to submit to my mothers needs. I know she got pleasure from making me squirm and feel uncomfortable. She would use sun tan lotion as a method of getting total strangers to touch and fondle me on the beaches or pools and told me to sit on the edge of the chair when trying on shoes so the man could look up my dress. Although I've had difficulty becoming the person I want to be, I've gone through peroids of distuctive sexual behavior even to the point of thinking of returning to my abuser. I think you and I need to become part of a better family and put these people behind us. Punish them by becoming a great person and not allowing them to be a part of that person. If they dare try to take any credit for who you become, don't let them. Tell them you became great not because of them, but inspite of them. You can't change what happened to you, but you have control of where you go from here. Make it a good one.

Mar 16, 2010
My comment
by: kristen

Hi Mary,

I read your story a while back but I just could not bring myself to write. I am sort of feeling lost again. I thought I would write to you. I am now 30. I sort of feel like I understand just a bit about being controlled. I understand a bit about being embarassed and being made to wear a diaper being touched and looked at.

Sorry I took so long to write. Hope you are going well.


Mar 23, 2010
To kristin
by: Anonymous

I wasn't going to come back to this site, I swore to move on but I'm strangely compailed to return. I checked your story again because of all the stories I've read your's is the one that continues to make me cry. I'm sorry that you feel lost lately, I would suggest going to the gym and work out, that always seems to help me. Takes your mind off things and you are doing something positive for yourself. Find other ways of keeping your life positive. Your life sucked then but you wern't in charge of it, now you are. Find out what makes you happy, set goals and work towards them. The demons from the past always come back but keep working hard and they will become less frequent. You wern't born to serve anyone. You are your own person, not someones servent. I'm just trying to help not preach, I still struggle myself but I keep trying, I have a horrible problem with masterbation. At times it consumes me, doing it many times in a day. I feel mad at myself for doing this so often, and not be able to control it. But I try to keep myself busy so I don't think about such things. Your story is much worse than mine. I was never beaten, I submitted to what was asked of me, if I needed convincing a slap usually did the trick. I haven't disclosed certain things I can not talk about. Maybe someday. I want you to be strong, there are many strong women out there, Clinton, Palin, you can be a strong woman too. I want you to know I'm your biggest cheerleader.


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E-book: Victim To Victory

From Victim to Victory
a memoir

How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life


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