Comments for Child Abuse Story From Kristen3

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Oct 26, 2008
Dependent through mind control...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Kristen, your parents raised you to be completely and utterly subservient and dependent. Their methods equate to mind control and conditioning. What they've left you with is the inability to live your life without someone making the decisions for you; either by them or your husband. You have become a slave to their whims.

I'm not surprised that you felt all was natural as you grew up, and that you felt a part of a family and intensely loved. Of course it would feel good to you. You see, Kristen, when a person is raised with mind-control techniques, the person is incapable of making choices and decisions, as every move is dictated with strict punishment the result of non-compliance, so the person grows up in an isolated bubble without having to face the difficulties of the real world. This can be very comforting. Your parents carefully and skillfully raised you to be the property of someone else by stripping you of the ability to be or think for yourself. Your sense of self is completely tied into your parents, and ultimately—if not already—will be tied into your husband. I can't think of a more insidious form of child abuse.

Having said this, Kristen, you've written your story here; and I see this as a first step toward a sense of self. You recognize that something wasn't right about your childhood. I congratulate you for that amazing recognition! Not too many women in your position would be able to see this.

What you are dealing with is way beyond the scope of what I can do to help. You need the services of a counsellor who specializes in such situations as you've grown up in. This will mean making a decision for yourself, Kristen; a very difficult decision when decision-making is not something that feels comfortable or right. And that may also mean distancing yourself from your family in order to break free of the chains they've tied to you, which will be very frightening. You'll need a great deal of support if you decide to go this route. If you do want this kind of help, I suggest contacting local resources. One such resource I found online is:

Australian Government Office for Women Department of Families, Housing, Community Services and Indigenous Affairs
PO Box 7576
Canberra Business Centre ACT 2610
Telephone 1800 808 863
Website URL: www.ofw.facs.gov.au/international/womens_human_rights

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me, Kristen. Regardless of what you decide, I sincerely wish you the very best. You certainly deserve the very best.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Oct 26, 2008
Can I put more story here.
by: kristen

Hi Darlene,
Can I put more of my story here as a comment. I have written more but when I posted it, it only accepted the first 1000 letters.
Thanks, kristen.

Note from Darlene: Yes, Kristen, of course you can include more of your story. I sensed you wanted to write more...you even included a line that you would write more about the canings "later"; I deleted that line because after waiting 2 days to post your story, nothing more was forthcoming.)

I don't know why you were limited to only 1000 characters. In comments, the limit is 3000 (not words, but characters, including spaces); in stories, the limit is 3 times that.

I recommend sending more of your story through the stories submission page at Child Abuse Stories, the same as you did with your last submission. The reason is because one, you aren't so restricted for space, and two, so that more of my visitors will be able to read what you would like to share. When you submit another installment, I suggest you use the title Child Abuse Story From Kristen3 Part 2. Just so you know, it might take a couple of days to post it, as I currently have 8 stories in queue.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Oct 27, 2008
Abuse Wears Many Faces
by: Linda Settles

Dear Kristen (3),
I am so glad you shared your story. I can sense we have read only a very small part of it. Your trauma runs long and deep. My heart aches for you.

What you have experienced is psychological abuse. What happens in the mind can be more intense and have a greater impact on us than what happens in our body-and it is even more difficult to deal with sometimes because we doubt ourself, dismiss our own personal feelings, and blame ourselves for breaking out of the mold that has been cast for us.

You are like an eaglet just ready to hatch. Your letter tells me that you are still in the shell--and it will take tremendous effort to break through into the wild, abundant, joy of life outside of the tomblike encasement that has both protected you (from reality and the pressures of growing up and becoming an individual) and plundered you (of becoming the authentic, autonomous person you could be).

You believe that you are not depressed, but I suspect that you are afraid to face the depth of your sorrow and your loss--afer all, isn't that what you have been taught to do your entire life? You do not have permission to face the truth--and yet it is, as the wisest man who ever walked the earth once said--it is the truth that sets us free.

You have begun to crack open the shell that entombs your life. Don't stop now, my friend. See help. Please seek help. Your life depends on it. Not only your life, but the life of any children you may bring into the world. Regardless of your good intentions, "hurt people--hurt people" and you will pass along the dysfunction imposed on you if your do not break the cycle of abuse.

Life is out there--waiting for you Kristen. Wonderful, beautiful, freeing life! I remember when I first found my way to freedom from a life much like your own. I could talk to the store without asking permission. I could be spontaneous and not be afraid of being punished. I found out who I was and I liked the real me a lot better than the one I was forced to emulate.

Get help, Kristen. Don't waste a precious life. Somehow, I know you will break out. You will life your life--like an eagle on the craggy mountian heights--you will soar!

We would love to hear about your victories and your sorrows--your healing and your pain. Please keep us informed on this site.

Linda

Oct 08, 2010
I am the same
by: Anonymous

Thank you for your story. I am 19 and live at home but have to follow my father's rules. I can only wear skirts and stockings and like you he spanks or canes me if I am disobedient. I would like to get married like you and leave. I think even a husband who tells you what to do would be better than a strict dad.

Rachel L

Feb 10, 2012
remember
by: Scott 1

Hi Kristen. There are times when I think of certain people and their stories from a while back and how they effect me. I think of the lives they lead and the path toward healing. Just a note to let you know you havnt been forgotten. Hope things are better now days, take care.

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