Comments for Child Abuse Story From Kirsty

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Mar 23, 2009
You are PERFECT as you are...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Kirsty, I really do believe you are perfect as you are. At 14 years old you are dealing with far more than a person your age should have to deal with. Whatever is going on with your parents, it's not your fault. They are troubled and don't seem to know how to deal with their troubles. They are taking them out on you and your sister. That isn't right, and it isn't fair to have to bear the brunt of their problems and their inabilities to cope.

You say you've thought about killing yourself; you don't really want to die, Kirsty. What you want is to be out of pain. What you want is for your mum and dad to tell you and show you how much they love you. What you want is for the yelling and hitting and misery to stop. And you deserve to have all that stop, Kirsty. The difficulty is that you cannot make your parents (or others) stop saying and doing hurtful things to you.

What you CAN do is tell yourself you ARE lovable and worthy, because you really and truly ARE lovable and worthy. You ARE deserving of dignity and respect. And even though you cannot control what others say and do, you CAN treat yourself with dignity and respect. You CAN tell yourself that you are not to blame for all that goes wrong in your home, difficult as that is when the people in charge of keeping you safe from harm are the ones harming you and telling you that you're to blame. But I know in my heart that you can do this, Kirsty, because you had the courage to write your story on my site. And that DID take courage, dear. It really did. That courage shows me how strong a person you truly are. Keep telling yourself that you are strong.

There is a number in the UK you can contact: ChildLine on 0800 1111. Check out their website at www.donthideit.com for more information about how they can help.

See Part 2: Weighty stuff... below.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Mar 23, 2009
Part 2: Weighty stuff...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

As for your weight, Kirsty, I used to be over 300 pounds. I understand what you are dealing with: the name-calling, the hostility, the teasing, and the rejection from not only school mates, but also from your family. That was the worst for me. I am now less than half the weight I used to be. Weight loss for me meant coming to terms with what I really wanted in my life and moving forward with it in spite of everything else going on around me. Getting to my ideal weight and maintaining it required a combination of balanced diet and exercise. Yes, it's terribly challenging to lose weight when there are temptations in the fridge, freezer and pantry. But if you really want weight loss, you must take charge of what you put in your body and how you exercise it. Read books on proper nutrition and exercise from the library. I realize you are not the one buying the food, but perhaps if you talk with your mum and tell her how important it is for you to get to your healthy weight, then she would be a more willing advocate for you in this area.

But Kirsty, make no mistake, weight loss is not about your life suddenly becoming perfect once you get to your ideal weight. The RIGHT reason for weight loss is in order to get healthy and fit; and the proper mental approach to that end is critical to your success in both getting weight off and keeping it off.

You need a support system, someone to turn to when you need to talk. You said you've always been shy. You also seem to be fairly close with your sister. Perhaps she can become your support system and you can become hers. The two of you can work together on this. Also consider writing in a journal or diary. Writing down your feelings, your goals and your triumphs can be so helpful, not just for weight loss, but for staying positive in your life, even when things sometimes seems as though they are falling down around you. You are SO bright and so articulate that I believe this suggestion can be one of the most beneficial to you, Kirsty.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

P.S. I removed the photo you included because I have a policy against posting personal photos, especially of children and youth. I trust you understand.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Mar 23, 2009
not easy Kirsty
by: maurice

What you relate about yourself, your sister, your brother whom your so caring and loving of is sadly ever so real for you all. Having a Dad and Mam who certainly have a very strange way of loving you their beautiful children. Being treated so as you are is not loving, not caring, not building up your self esteem, self worth in you and your sister. You have to begin to accept you are special, you are very beautiful and your size has nothing to do with that. begin to love yourself, then you will see yourself in a totally different light. Please find a caring. kind other person than your mam and dad who will listen to you. That person you can name as your real friend who is a very important person in all of our lifes. Don't trust everyone with your lifes situation only ones who really care about your situation and your tender teen years. Talk to someone you can confide in that won't upset your Dad and Mam more know Darlene and others who comment on your story believe in you, So you believe in yourself.

Mar 23, 2009
Two Sisters
by: Mrs. R.

Hiya Kirsty, I was raised in the UK but now live in Canada and reading your letter makes me feel like comming over there grabbing both you and your sister and bringing you both here where you would both be loved and cared for as you should be at home. Kirsty life for me was the pits but it moves on, sometimes we think the pain will never end and the situation will never change. I came from a very small village in Wales where i thought I would never escape from the abuse and pain I was suffering. The whole village knew what was happening and no one did nothing, I could not see no end. But it did end people reached out for me, I reached out. I would really encourage you to find some place where you can go to discuss nutrition, possibly asking your Doctor if he/she could refer you to a Dietician so you would have someone to assist you in eating the correct foods. it seems to me that you and your sister are caught in a catch 22 situation right now. You want to be your regular clothes size because you feel that way you will be excepted by your peers, but when you both are abused you hurt which is only natural and different people handle emotions in many different ways; you and your sister from what you say in your letter seem to handle it with food which is very common. I feel sure after you both have eaten the wrong foods then you probably both feel guilty and start to beat your selves up about that which many times can lead a person to want more food. Kirsty it's a viscous circle love. If you can find like Maurice suggests a friend or someone that you trust to open up to and let your feelings out this is very positive thing to do, again keeping a journal is good as long as you know that your parents cannot lay their hands on it. Kirsty you in your letter you state that the abuse is physical and emotional, please Kirsty if there is any sign of sexual abuse do not keep it to your self, for you and your sisters protection and maybe even your brothers you will have to be strong and stand tall, You will know what to do. I am glad you have found this site Kirsty it will assist you, keep up with it and may be you can assist others.

Mar 24, 2009
What's Inside Matters Most.
by: Linda

Kirsty, you can lose weight, but what can your parents do with their problem? They don't know they are blessed to have to wonderful daughters. I am 180lbs. myself and God loves me, for me. People who make fun of another person's looks or body have a low self esteem of themselves. Your outward appearance means nothing if you are ugly on the inside. From your story, I can tell you are a beautiful girl who is a little overweight. Your father just blows it out of porportion with his lack of self worth. You are only 14 and you have your whole life ahead of you. Just remember to stay positive and think about what you want to do with your life. Don't think about killing your self, that would only let your abusers win. I'll be praying for you and who knows, you may be the next great music Artist! I'll buy your CDS. Hang in there and keep in touch on this website. We have all been in your shoes as abused victims. It helps to write it down in words and know that there are others who understand....Hang in there, Kirsty.

Mar 25, 2009
you're loved from a distance
by: maurice

Kirsty, reading my own, Darlene's, and the other comments helps me myself to realize how important a site like Darlen's is for people like us who sadly have been abused in one form or another. The love expressed fromour hearts to each other maybe hard to take out of each one's love for you and place it in your own tender years heart. Love yourself more, easier said than done I know and may seem a strange request for you to do from loving hearts to you. Only you can make sense of itand do it. I am sure you have a close friend or friends in school whom you share your natural growing up feelings to. begin with those walking with you on the ground. Having been abused myself I know how difficult it may be to trust another.Abusers are self cenetered, selfish,cruel and suffer from very low, low low self esteem in themselves. that is why they hurt others who are innocent and vunerable. But Kirsty you know, I know, Darlene's knows there are loads of loving, caring, gentle listeners around us too. Who helped me to LOVE myself. You make your life what you want it to be and live it well, laugh often, and love much. Positive thinking, I can do it, I will do it, I must do it because I'm special and I love me.

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stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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