Comments for Child Abuse Story From Kimmy

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Sep 05, 2008
No, you SHOULDN'T have known better...you were a child:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Kimmy, what this man did to you was his responsibility to bear, not yours. It wasn't your fault. You will never convince me it was your fault. You will never convince any child abuse survivor reading the stories on this website that it was your fault. You are applying more mature values to the little girl that you were. Of course you were unsuspecting; you were a child. You were NOT silly; you were a child, a child that needed protecting. Should have know better? NO WAY, NOT ON YOUR LIFE. There's a very good reason that children need their parents; they are not physically or emotionally capable of taking care of themselves. You know that on a logical level, but you keep blaming yourself on an emotional level. You keep saying things like "If only I hadn't gone over to this man", "If only I hadn't kept talking to this man," "If only I had screamed so that someone could have come running", "If only I had—or hadn't—(fill in the blank)". You must understand that this molester knew that as a child you were vulnerable. He used those vulnerabilities to keep you with him. This is ALL on him. You have nothing to feel guilt or shame about. NOTHING.

I just wrote comments for another contributor (Story From Anonymous21) dated Sept 5, 2008, titled You have the power... that definitely apply to you as well, Kimmy. Right now, the system that ensures comments go live on my site is experiencing a lengthy time-delay due to recent upgrades, so those comments might not yet appear live, just as there may be a delay in these comments of mine appearing under your story.

If it's at all possible, perhaps you could approach your mother about how you are feeling about what happened to you with this molester. She may not realize that you NEED to talk about it. And even if she's closed minded about the whole incident, don't stop telling. You didn't say how old you are, so I'll take the approach that you are still a minor...talk to someone you trust: a teacher, a counsellor, a church elder, a friend's mother. Help release yourself of this burden, Kimmy. Don't make it a life sentence; that molester isn't worth it. You're the one worthy here. You're the one who deserves to live her life free of the weight of these effects.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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