Comments for Child Abuse Story From Kerri

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Feb 03, 2010
Kerri:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I mean no disrespect by removing a significant part of your story, but the part I removed really is out of the purview of this site. I can only recommend that you do seek out some form of counselling, but not because you're somehow "disgusting" or "screwed up". You are NOT disgusting and you are not screwed up; you have some very real trauma that needs to be dealt with. Understanding why you feel a lack of trust of men (trust me, not all men cheat, and not all marriages end in divorce, though many of them do), and why you feel the need to sabotage your relationships is paramount to your own well-being and your ability to live your life to the fullest. The right counsellor can also help you with what you so bravely disclosed to me in your full original post. Stop thinking of yourself as disgusting and start thinking of yourself as needing the right kind of help, help you deserve. I had therapy for the problems I had from being abused; it was the best investment I could ever make in myself. You didn't deserve to be abused, Kerri. You DO deserve help now that you have been. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Feb 03, 2010
Darlene, Thank you!
by: Kerri

I knew my whole post wouldn't make it. I honestly didn't think any of it would and I completely understand why. I was really only looking to see what your response would be. I'm not sure why I even wanted to know.
A little more about me: I'm quite shy, quiet and polite and 'normal' on the outside. None of my 2 relationships I've had and still in one now, know anything about what I feel, I deserve or want (not really sure which ? deserve or want). What I wrote in my original post, I keep it to myself. I don?t want to tell my b/f in case I scare him or gross him out. Although I think he may be into that a little bit. Slowly he does small things that I like, to see my reaction to them (I think). I hate saying this, but it?s my first time saying it and wanted to see if ?talking? about it really helps. So far, nothing has changed.
I think as for contacting my ex-step-father, all I want to know is exactly what he did. I hate not knowing or wondering when a memory will suddenly pop into my head. I have the worst memory ever and I imagine this is why. I?m lucky to leave my house with shoes on, that?s how forgetful I am, not even exaggerating one bit.
One more thing I?d like to ask you, you suggest and everyone of course will always suggest I get help and talk to someone. Well I don?t like talking to people about my personal things face to face with someone and I?m finding it pretty easy to tell you. Only because I don?t know you, and most likely never will. So my question is: do you know of any online websites or chats with a professional or semi professional that I could maybe contact, if I feel I could get to that point?

From Darlene: There used to be, Kerri, but the ones I was aware of had to close the membership because there were so many people joining that it put the support of it in jeopardy. Smaller groups do much better in support situations. Perhaps one of my other visitors can help. Or perhaps you can look into trying to start one yourself. Just be careful; you never know who you're really connecting with online. For all you know, the person could be a pedophile or a prisoner looking to groom young people. I do wish you all the best.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir





Feb 06, 2010
Let Go of the stuff your remember first.
by: maurice

Kerri reading the hurt that is oozing from your telling of your abuse by that Horrid Step-Father. Please read Darlen's comments to you slowly, slowly, make sense of her loving encourageing words to you. She has a woamns heart so she is witing her true feelings to you from her heart to your's That Animal of a step father ruined your innocence, your child hood, how your mother stood by him after what he did to your small throat is beyond me. Fear is a woeful thing, she and you seemed to have lived in fear of him. Bad, Bad Man. Now Kerri, Heed darlene, all I will say to you is that deal with what you recall and remember. That Kerri is sufficient for you to get your mind around right now. You may never find out if anything else happened so why worry yourself about it. Our minds can play hell with us if we let it, so stop now, deal with what you remember. If you don't you'll be fighting with yourself for a long time. Darlene has given you a way forward NOW. She wrote recently, quote, One thing I learned was that everything that happened to me was in my past and I could'nt change any of it. That if I continued to focus on what did happen I could not change. Then I was not LIVING in the present. There is a message there for you, me, and all her visitors. Kerri even at 26 you can begin having a healthy mind in a healthy body. I can, I will, I must, because I am worth it. Always believe that Kerri. So off your bottom, get out there intergrating and mixing with people your own age who want to have a healthy mind in a healthy body. Being active and alive with others sometimes puts things in perspective. There is safety in numbers. THINK POSITIVE THOUGHTS ABOUT YOURSELF. LOOK IN THE MIRROR SEE THE BEAUTY OF THE PERSON LOOKING BACK AT YOU. ''WoW' he's right I am beautiful. be gentle and kind to yourself and your body. Darlene has given you the start, begin letting go of the stuff you remember. STOP hurting with the stuff you cannot recall or remember. Shower away the awful memories of what he did to you while you innocently looked out the window. Soothe over those parts with the modern day lotions and creams massaged into them. There your beauty natural parts make them truly what you want them to be hopefully by doing so erasing the dirty memories you have. I am always wary of STEP Fathers because I have rarely heard the good and the loving they did their step children. They seem to think, these are not my children so I'll use them and abuse them, control them, Putting things in perspective There are good on'e out there too, even great ones, The one's I know of are growing even in 2010. Kerri, LOVE yourself. build up your self esteem. get out and about being part with fellow females taking part in sporting and cultureal activities. I guarantee it will be the most refresshing thing you have ever done. Your highly intelligent don't be anyone's fool. Think, act and do what is the best for your own welbeing. Go for it TODAY. Darlene heart is with you.

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