Comments for Child Abuse Story From Kelsea1

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Oct 20, 2008
Read your last paragraph again...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Kelsea, the best advice I can give you is to take your own advice!

"Healing" is changing what your thoughts are about the abuse you endured and the subsequent choices you made as a result of that abuse; it is NOT suddenly forgetting what happened. Nor is someone suddenly "healed" from the effects of child abuse.

Healing is a process of self-discovery and self-connection. Healing is recognizing that what happened to you as a child was not your fault. Healing is understanding that you were the child and he was the adult. Healing is coming to terms with the fact that as the adult, he used your vulnerability to his advantage. Yes, you were intoxicated, which put you at risk for assault and for less inhibitions and for less (if any) clear headedness, but regardless, your best friend's father KNEW all this and took advantage of your defenselessness and your adolescence.

In Canada, consent to sex CANNOT be given when a person is intoxicated; the reason for that is that when a person is drinking they are not thinking clearly. Consent requires clear thinking.

I suggest that you are still not thinking clearly about all this, Kelsea. If you were thinking clearly, you'd recognize that all the "could haves" and "should haves" and "should not haves" wouldn't have made a difference; your best friend's father was a child molester. For goodness sake, he molested his own daughter! That HAS to tell you something.

Your self-worth and "value" as you put it is not tied into having been sexually assaulted or whether or not you've had sex with a multitude of partners. Self-worth is teaching yourself to treat yourself better than others have. Self-worth is teaching yourself that as a fallible human being, you are just as worthy as anyone you believe to be infallible. And trust me when I say that there isn't a single human being on this planet who is infallible. Every one of us is fallible! You are reading the comments of one very fallible human being right this minute.

So give yourself a break, and start heeding the advice you have so wisely given other girls who are reading your story here: "...you do still have worth and value and to still go on to be what you have wanted. Because you were handled in that way before, doesn't mean that that is all you have to give." Well said, Kelsea!

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Oct 20, 2008
I know your pain
by: Hannah

For about five years I constantly dealt with the pain of being sexually abused by my cousin. no matter how many times I told people I still felt I was one messed up, used up person. then I turned to God I know it seems crazy but I let go of that pain and I know I'm not trash. what happened to us doesn't define who we are. I hope you have loving people in your life to support you, but if not I promise God loves you beyond anything you can imagine. He wants to take your pain away. Listen to Held by Natilie Grant it helped me out it made me cry tears that i had not allowed myself. Sometimes we just need to cry and relieve some of our pain. i know it can be hard but crying over your abuse isn't always bad. it can be very healing. Isaiah 41:10

May 03, 2009
perhaps
by: Anonymous

it's so hard to heal from because ur mother didn't believe you.... geez. that is not ok! you are not to blame, and u did everything right.

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