Comments for Child Abuse Story From Kelly E

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May 15, 2011
Kelly:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You've been very honest about how the child abuse has affected you and your children. I do hope there are resources in your community that you can turn to, resources that can help you deal with your past as well as help you to make better choices for yourself and your children. You all deserve that. But if you're not capable of taking care of your children, then do what's best for them. You are now entering a time in your life where you are beginning to question aspects of your choices, which is a very good thing. But I'm not talking about emotions here, I'm speaking about biology. The part of the brain that affects judgment—the pre-frontal cortex—does not fully develop until about age 25. That doesn't mean you cannot determine the difference between right and wrong (that developed a long time ago). It means you have not been in a position to be able to predict the consequences of your actions. But for the sake of your children, you must now make some difficult choices. So please reach out for any help that might be available to you. Realizing what you now do, Kelly, is certainly a step in the right direction. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. And I wish you and your children all the best.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

May 16, 2011
HANG IN THERE
by: Anonymous

Hi, you said that "everyone must realise they arent good people because of the way they were abused"...boy did I believe the same a few years back!One time, I was going through my life and when all the things I did sunk in, I was terrified.I was so depressed, I couldnt get out of bed. The shame and guilt came and then this feeling that "what's the point-look what I've done Im a lost cause, there really isnt a way I can undo what I've done". And the worst thing was, that even though I knew what I was doing wrong, I couldnt stop it!! I still did the same over and over and over. Knowing one thing and stopping it is totally different. But KNOWING is an absolute MUST even if one cannot stop the dangerous or bad behavior at once.
So I must say that I do not agree with you. I think its more accurate if we say "people who were abused must accept it and realise that we have learned how to take abuse and consider it "normal", how we dont know what a normal family and perhaps respectful behavior is, and we need a lot of work to CHANGE what comes natural to us (which is abusive or dangerous behaviors because that is what we KNOW or what we think we DESERVE)". I think that our PAIN is comming out in ways that are self-destructive and other people destructive at times. But WE ARE NOT our abusers. We ARE NOT THEM. And with hard work, we DO STOP.
You have children and irrespective of what you did I know you love them. If you didnt, you wouldnt be writing about this. And you wouldnt care. You'd say "so what?they are just objects and they belong to me". But you dont. You recognise that what you did hurt them and you feel bad. USE this and you'll soon see that things will change. If there is any way, go on therapy because sometimes its hard to kill our demons without some outside help. I know I've had some very resilient demons! Therapy gives you the proverbial holy water to kick their butts off the scene. And yes. YOu cannot undo your mistakes. But your mistakes are children. And they love you. And children DO forgive so easily when you are there and you offer them support. All you have to do is reach out to them. So not all is lost. You have 4 (soon 5) people that think the world of you. And you did well. Not because of the sex thing (I know you dont feel good about that) but you brought souls into the world. And you CAN offer them a great life!! So in reality you didnt really fail as badly as you think. Failing would mean abusing them for ever or not caring. That would be failing...
I wish you all the best and I pray that you can find a way to keep your 5th child with you because I know it pains you giving it away. And I wish that you will accept yourself like we accept you. We dont need to know the "bad" things you did. We ALL did them one way or other. And we are ALL supporting you.

May 16, 2011
my heart and all it's loving respectful feelings are truly with you
by: maurice

Oh how honest you have been Kelly E: you'll make alot who find themselves in the same position of you after abuse very strong: Yes, good choices from NOW on Kelly E will ensure you and your children will live well; Laugh alot: LOVE much: You are their mammy: You will do your best for them: But first you must read all that Darlene wrote to you: Please do: She is a true believer in all her visitors, she wants only what is the best for each one to move on in their life after abuse: God knows you have gone through alot living with the effects of others abusing you: Using you: your innocence and your vunerailities because your mother did not love you or give a damn: Bad, bad mother (parents) Oh please Kelly E you will be the winner for yourself and your beautiful children: Get to a safe invironment where loving, caring people will offer you genuinine love and support: Please don't blame yourself too harshly: Read Darlene's comment to you>

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