Comments for Child Abuse Story From Katie A

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Jul 07, 2009
Self-love...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Katie, your mother was out of control when she went after you the way she did. She has mental and emotional problems she needs to deal with. She is still not in her right mind; otherwise, she would see the wonderful daughter she has in you. What happened at the hands of your mother is not your fault. And what is happening now is not your fault. Your mother has closed herself off, not because of you, but because of other things she must work out for herself. And when she said those terrible things to you, she was not thinking straight.

You are NOT a pig. You are NOT lazy. You are NOT disgusting. You are NOT worthless. And you most certainly are NOT useless. What you ARE is special and precious, and lovable, and worthy of dignity and respect. It's just that your mother is so troubled that she can't see that for herself. She has now withdrawn because she doesn't know what else to do. But that's on her. That's not on you.

Katie, go within yourself, deep within yourself, to find that place of love, that place of serenity. Because when you find that place of love, you will no longer have fear. And when you no longer have and act from a place of fear, you will build even more self-confidence, self-esteem and the ability to communicate with others. You will no longer fear rejection. Always remember, Katie, the only person who abused you was your mother, no one else. And while she was (and continues to be) a strong influence in your life, she is not the only influence. Others don't need to prove themselves, because they haven't done anything to hurt you. Treat yourself with dignity and respect; the rest will follow. Besides, you are most definitely worth it.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Jul 07, 2009
So many crimes committed...
by: Anonymous

Katie, your mother is wrong. You are not a pig; you are not stupid; you are not ugly; you are not disgusting; you are not worthless; you are not fat; YOU ARE NONE OF THOSE NAMES. You are beautiful, smart, articulate and worthy of love, dignity and respect. If your mother ever hurts you again, please tell someone you really trust. I went through the same thing, too. Be brave and stay strong.

Jul 08, 2009
Oh special one be brave and stay strong
by: maurice

Katie A your mother sure has deflated all that is natural and good in you but reading your story gives me great hope about you. Anonymous gave you the positives to build on, my wish for you too. Think Positive, act positive and be positive each day you look in your mirror. Mirrors are or can be great mediums of building self worth, self esteem. The one true person we see in that mirror is me. Thinking and seeing the person that is the real me deep within. Darlene's site, great you found her she is your pathway to recovery and healing. She tells you to go deep inside yourself,to find that place of love. in the mirror we see the beauty of the physical me, what makes that beauty ever so real comes from within. I am the only one who can make that beauty, that prettiness, real and meaningful to myself. Once I see my own beauty then others saying I am will make me feel really good about myself. That is what your friends are for. Katie A at 13 you have begun to build up your self worth, your self esteem, good on you, treat yourself with respect and dignity the rest will follow, I join anonymous in saying that to you from my heart. Darlene's comment has wonderful hope for you to build on she too acknowledges you as a very special Teenager having endured horrific abuse at the hands of your mother. (She is a very ill and sick woman) No excuses and I don't condone anything she put you through because she is a very sick woman. Only, thankfully, a small percent of good mothers cause such hurt and pain to their children. You were one of the unlucky ones. Katie A you are articulate, you are intelligent, you have what it takes to be a winner in life for yourself. At 13 realizing that is full credit to yourself. Now with that small band of your very closest of friends especially the one/two you have shared your intimate feelings to taking one day at a time Live well, laugh alot, LOVE much. It aint and won't be easy but you are well ready in yourself to say in the MIRROR I love ME, I am SPECIAL, There is only one beautiful me in this world. Love that whole beautiful body of yours, be nice to it yourself, be gentle and kind to it. Ease away the wounds that your mother has put there and you will slowly make the scars of what she did insignificant but as you say will remain. Katie A LOVE yourself. Say I can, I will, I must just for me.Be Brave, Stay Strong.

Jul 08, 2009
I am so sorry
by: Tiffany

Katie,
You sound like an incredibly brave and strong young woman. I am so sorry about what happened to you. Your mother was/is very disturbed to have done those things to you. The horrible things she said - those are things she said because her mind is twisted NOT because they are true. You believed those lies then because you were young and helpless and afraid. Trust what Darlene and others are telling you. You are a very special and lovable young woman. Keep telling yourself that until you believe it. It takes time to heal and to improve your self-esteem but it can happen. I hope you continue to stay safe.
Tiffany

Jul 10, 2009
stay strong
by: willow

Katie, my mother treated me the same way. Constant contempt, verbal and physical abuse. Your description of what went down in your bedroom mirror what happened to me everyday. You are a bright and articulate girl and obviously very strong at a young age. My question to you is, what was your father's attitude during all this? Do you have siblings? I know that for me, everyone looked the other way, although after it had been going on for a few years they sort of condoned it.
Whatever you do, don't do what I did, which is withdraw. That was my only option as a child, and I didn't receive any help. I carry this defense mechanism with me today. But obviously, though it may save you from being hurt by others, it also leaves you isolated and alone with the beliefs, attitudes, and abuse your mother injected you with. This way you don't learn new and better ways of feeling about yourself. You're left with the abusers programming. You need new and healthy people to interact with.
Do you find that the abuse made you withdraw? I'm curious how you are treated at school as well as by other family members...
Also, in regards to your mother, don't expect her to help you heal, or to understand why she treated you like that. The best my mother can do is pretend all of it never happened..and as long as I play along with that we get along.

Jul 11, 2009
Willow:
by: Katie

Thank you, all of you, for your words of encouragement and care. I truly appreciate such kind thoughts from complete strangers. Thank you all for your support, and I'm sorry for those of you who have had to experience things similar to or more horrifying than my own experiences.
In response to Willow's questions:
During these incidents, my father turned a blind eye. He has always been a gentle, easy-going man, and has never laid a hand on me unless you count spanking when I was very small, but I believe he is intimidated by my mother, who has always had a very dominant personality. I hold nothing against him (he is a wonderful father and I love him dearly), but I am slightly hurt that he has never done anything to defend me against my mother's attacks.
I have an older brother, who was also a victim of my mother's anger. But he handled it differently than I did; while I became shy and withdrawn, he grew violent. He struggled with anger-management problems; he would become mad easily, and who either lash out at me or at household objects, such as kicking holes in doors or denting walls with his fists. He got help later on to deal with minor mental issues, and we are very close to each other now.
As to whether or not abuse caused me to withdraw, yes, I do believe it did. Before my mother began doing the things that she did, I was an extremely outgoing, loud, boisterous girl, who was very sure of myself and easily made friends. I was picked on at school at an early age for being "different" (I have always been intelligent and talented, not that I am trying to brag but only stating facts), but this only lowered my confidence slightly. I didn't let it bother me that the other girls whispered about how I repeatedly put my hand up in class or how I had earned praise from our music teachers, and I barely listened to the boys who teased me about my weight or clothes. But once the abuse started, perhaps I began to listen to these comments more, and I grew very insecure about myself. I was no longer loud or boisterous: I became the quiet girl, who had a small amount of friends who were equally quiet and who was barely paid attention to. I was, for lack of a better word, "afraid" of people, scared that the other kids would tease me or not like me. I didn't know how to talk to people, and I still struggle with this issue today, because the fear of being put down was always intruding in my mind.
So yes, I believe that my mother's abuse contributed to my lack of self-esteem. And similar to your relationship with your mother, if I do not talk about what happened in previous years, my mother and I get along fine. She no longer is distant with me, and I see her affection for me now, even if it is still not "right."
Again, I thank all of you for your understanding, and thank you Darlene for this wonderful site where people can get experiences such as mine off of their chests.

Jul 19, 2009
Happy...
by: Louise

Katie,

Your story is similar to mine. My mum used to do exactly the same thing so i know exactly how you feel. You are 13 years old and you sound like a very intelligent young lady, please don't let go of your self-love, and never stop trying to heal. These memories of how you were treated will never leave you and that is fine, but what you can do is move on and heal yourself, which is what it sounds like you are doing. Make these memories a part of you, in a sense that you are healing, an truthfully i dont think you ever will. You are healing and you should be proud of yourself, use it as a thing that tried to knock you down, but it didn't succeed. An if you can deal with that, you can more or less deal with anything. Don't ever think you are alone because it is such a struggle sometimes to keep going and trying not to remember what has happend to you. But trust me i am with you all the way as i am trying to heal to! never stop Katie !

Jul 20, 2009
Don't You Quit
by: maurice

I join with Louise, and all those who said hi to you in their supportive comments to your very sad and tragic abuse story. You are healing, slowly but certainly surely. Always believe in yourself. Louise certainly tells you are not alone with her beautiful words of LOVE to you. All of us who were abused have to find our own way of letting it go in order to begin the healing process. Similar types of abuse but each of us have our own feelings and we are very unique in those feelings. It is my pain, it is my humiliation etc. only when we take ownership of our own abuse will we begin to Love Me. I am the most important person to LOVE ME, hug ME, Get the help that benefits me to ease away the memories of the abuse perpetrated on me by uncaring, unloving sickos of human beings. Katie A you are the winner over those, My heart was expressed to you in my last comment.

Jul 20, 2009
Maurice...
by: Louise

Maurice, thanks for praising my comment...i was just wondering if i could share some things with you ? Louise.

Jul 20, 2009
Struggle...
by: Louise

In a response to Willow, i massively agree that you are now progammed to of believed what your abuser has said to you. And i feel there is no way out! I just feel im programmed that way an no matter what i cant seem to find a way out. I know deep down that there is a deeply loving girl inside of me wishing to come out but i know she has been battered and bruised inside an i just cant seem to let go. My mother wants a relationship with me now an it jus doesnt feel right, so to all of you that can do this now and pretend nothing has happened, well i am not as strong as you! I feel utter resentment towards her an i struggle to be fake all the time, its such an uncomfortable feeling.

I am now in a relationship, 18 and 12 weeks pregnant. My hormones are everywhere, and my tendencies to snap and raise my voice just like my mother have become increasingly worse. I can see my boyfriend that loves me to pieces, is getting tired and fed up of my negativity. I have tryed my best to explain how i feel, but if i carry on i know im going to lose him. An the only thing i want is for me to be over happy with him and my baby, an i am so frightened of becoming my mother. I cant seem to accept the fact he loves me, and i cannot seem to be content with everything. I feel like im in a constant battle with myself.

Sorry to of typed my life story on your blog Katie, but i just want you to know that your no the only one, and i really dont want you struggling at the age of 18 too!

Jul 21, 2009
The power of love shared on this site
by: maurice

Darlene, thank you, Katie A your story has given permission for each of s who made comments to you open our hearts that little bit more. Louise began by her real love words to you, feeling your feelings but also extending her conversation to tell you, Darlene and us where she is at presently. I only hope she starts new beginnings in only want to become true to herself. Love herself and let go of her thinking she is becoming like her mother. She has a loving father to her baby so all her love must center around them and herself. Letting go of our past can take time but we must keep pushing the not so nice memories fade away so that they don't take control of us. We must all be brave, Be strong, be fair to ourselves. We must heal our selves with the help we've received from our friends and the professionals who set us on the road back from our abuse. Love will be the winner if we keep believing in ourselves. Okay, Katie A, Louise, Willow, Thank you Darlene, I am certain you can see the true value of your site to us 4. Your very special as we all are.

Jul 31, 2009
get away from her
by: Anonymous

If you are still living with her. Still report the past abuse to the authorities. Get away from her. You don't have to put up with past abuse or present neglect. Call any of the numbers that are posted on the site. This woman won't change, and you need nurturing. That lady you call your mom is an ABUSER. You will find yourself in future abusive relationships if you don't get out of that house now. Save your life!

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