Comments for Child Abuse Story From Kate1

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Jan 26, 2009
 Harsh realities to relay...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You are in WAY WAY over your head, Kate. What you are involved in here is so far beyond the scope of this website that if not for the fact that it clearly shows the severe impact of child abuse, I would not have been able to posted it. I can't even begin to address all the underlying issues a play here.

Kate, your boyfriend WAS indeed abused, and now the needs he has as a result of that abuse are insatiable. He looks to you for those needs to be met; and the fact is, there isn't a single person on the planet that can possibly fulfill those needs. I must be blunt here: His dependency on you is toxic to you; and under the circumstances, your need to nurture is toxic to him.

Kate, contrary to popular belief, you can't change him, you can't shape him, and you can't make everything better for him. Your love is not enough because he needs what you can't give him. What he is dealing with is his ten-foot wall to climb.

Your boyfriend is a walking contradiction. You are wrapped up in an up-and-down rollercoaster ride that will never find you on a level course. If you don't step away from this volatile situation, he will take you down with him. You are clinging to the possibility of his potential at your own peril. Your boyfriend is highly unstable. He needs professional help, and he needs it now. But only he can make the decision to get that help for himself.

But you have your own ten-foot wall to climb. I urge you to enter into some form of counselling in order to deal with your need and desire to not only nurture but stay with a boyfriend who is so on the edge. Your boyfriend overcompensates do a degree that is extreme; and that has left you an emotional hostage in this relationship, Kate. And now you are yay close to being trapped in a cycle of violence. Though he may seem incapable of violence, nothing could be further from the truth; this is likely to escalate.

I suggest you contact a local women's shelter to request more information and possible resources to help you, especially if you find that your boyfriend refuses to accept a break up; assuming you take my advice and actually leave this relationship. Staying in this relationship is both unhealthy and dangerous. Staying in this relationship prevents you from nurturing yourself.

I wish you both all the best, and I thank you for sharing your story and that of your boyfriend with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir
Jan 26, 2009
 Troubled people for a boyfriend and dad...
by: Francine

Kate, I'm sorry to learn that your dad was abused as a kid and that your boyfriend had to grow up with a crack-addicted mom. They really need help. I'd strongly suggest that they try counselling.
Jan 26, 2009
 You're Not The One
by: Linda

Kate, You and your boyfriend are co-dependent on each other and you both had horrible childhoods. But this relationship you have with him isn't good for either of you until you seek some sort of help, like counciling. Are you sure what you feel for him isn't pity? When I read these stories of abuse, I just wish I could make all their pain go away, because I know how they feel. We don't get to choose our parents, but we sure don't have to let them destroy us, either. It sounds like your boyfriend has alot of issues with his past, and he may need some serious help. Try to talk him into seeking it. Good luck to you, Kate.

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Disclaimer: To the best of my knowledge the child abuse
stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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