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May 14, 2009
Part 1 of 4: You DO need to get out of that house...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

KC, your best friend is right. You need to get out of that house. But I will say this to you also...you are mistaken if you believe this man only molested you. He likely IS molesting and HAS molested the other girls in your family. This man is a sex offender. Sex offenders like to say things that make each young victim feel as though they are the only ones and that this is what loving fathers do with their daughters or sons. That is NOT true. Loving fathers and stepfathers would NEVER touch their children in a sexual way. Please go to my sex offenders page for some other things that offenders tell their young victims. I know you will find that your stepfather has used many of the statements listed there.

Regarding your mother...any mother who would chose to do nothing when her daughter discloses sexual abuse at the hands of the man she married is a woman who is every bit as responsible for the abuse as the offender is. She not only puts you at risk, but she is also putting your sisters and the man's daughters at risk too. Your mother is an enabler, KC. And what's worse is that she's a knowing enabler; she is aware of what this man is capable of doing, yet she chooses to turn a blind eye. There is something mentally wrong with a mother who does this.

If you don't report what your stepfather has done to you, KC, other girls WILL be molested. Please tell someone other than your mother what your stepfather has done to you. I urge you to contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453). They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, but they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose the abuse. And as I already stated, he needs to be reported.

See Part 2 of 4: More to come... below.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

May 14, 2009
Part 2 of 4: More to come...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

KC, what I am about to share with you is about Michael, and it will be very disturbing for you. Please...before you read the rest of my comments, get in touch with your best friend, the person who is so supportive. Because what I am about to tell you will require that you have a support system in place. What I am about to tell you will shake the foundation of your being, but I MUST say it. I've thought about this for hours, trying to find a way to say what I need to say in a way that won't send you through the roof. I even considered not saying it at all...but I would be doing you a huge disservice if I stayed quiet.

So before I actually post my next comments, I'm going to do something unprecedented. I'm going to let Parts 1 and 2 of my comments to go live on the site, and then I'm going to wait until tomorrow morning before allowing Parts 3 and 4 to go live. I ask that while you wait for Parts 3 and 4 that you get in touch with your best friend and have her available to talk to as you read what I have to say. This is not about being cloak and dagger, KC; it's about your safety and well-being. So please, do not read my next comments until you have at least one support person available to talk to and share your feelings and emotions with. I cannot stress that enough.

Parts 3 and 4 have been posted, but will not go live on the site until tomorrow, May 15th.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

May 14, 2009
Part 3 of 4: I am VERY concerned about your relationship with Michael...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

KC, I hope your best friend is either nearby or readily available so that you have someone to discuss this with, someone to turn to.

About Michael...if you are still a minor the fact that he is 12 years older than you (meaning he is likely in his late twenties) is not only improper and illegal, it is highly suspicious. I know you want to believe he loves you (he's even said so) because you are mature for your age and that the two of you have so much in common. I know you want to believe that you love him. I understand these feelings; as a teen I was there myself. And no one could tell me otherwise. I thought it was so cool to have a man—not just a boy, but a full-grown man—interested in me. I was so flattered. It made me feel special, mature, worthy, lovable; all the things I'd never felt before. I was a much older woman before I came to realize what these "men" were really doing.

KC, if you are underage, Michael is committing a crime having sexual relations with you. Do you know that Michael may be a sexual predator? Do you know that Michael may be using the fact that he was sexually molested by his grandfather (if he actually was) in order to get you to be intimate with him? I'm sure you're shaking your head right now with a resounding, "No way. You don't know him. You don't know what you're talking about. I know him better than you'll ever know him. I know him better than anyone." But you do not know what his real motives are. You do not know what you do not know.

Twenty-something-nearly-thirty-year-old men do not go after underage girls. He may be preying on you, KC, preying on the fact that you were molested by your stepfather. Sexual predators "groom" and "seduce" their young victims. Michael may well have "groomed" and "seduced" you. He's found a way to connect with you, a way into your heart. This concerns me, because I fear that you will be hurt even more than you've been hurt already. You've been betrayed by so many adults in your life; I fear this will be one more of a growing list of betrayers for you.

See Part 4 of 4: Not your fault... below.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

May 14, 2009
Part 4 of 4: Not your fault...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

What's really important to understand KC is that you are not to blame for any of what's happened to you. None of what happened to you is your fault. Absolutely NONE of it! You were a child when your stepfather began molesting you. He was the adult. You had no power to stop it. You had no power to control what was happening. Even now, your power is limited. But at least you have SOME power. You have the ability to make some choices for yourself, healthy choices.

Please allow me to explain a bit about the human brain. A person's brain does not finish developing until around age 24 or 25. The part of your brain that is still growing is the part that can predict the consequences of your choices. This is the last part of the human brain to develop completely. Therefore, you are not in a position to be able to fully understand and recognize what Michael might actually be doing to you. You see him as your lover, as your boyfriend, as someone you want to spend time with. I get that; I was there myself.

The healthiest thing you can do for yourself is to maintain that wonderful friendship you have with your best friend who wants you to get out of the house you live in. SHE is the one who has your best interest at heart.

You said you have nowhere to go. What about your sister; she offered you a place once before, perhaps she'll open her arms again. And right now you need that kind of support and love around you, KC. You certainly deserve it. What you DON'T deserve is to be used and abused. You are worth so much more than that. You are worthy and lovable. You are special. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. Please, KC, turn to your older sister. It sounds as though she really wants to help. And right now, you need that kind of help.

Everything I've written here I've written out of caring and concern. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me, and I do wish you all the best.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

May 15, 2009
Be wary of step Fathers that should be your message to others.
by: Maurice

K C. FEAR IS AN AWFUL THING TO HAVE TO LIVE WITH AS YOU HAVE FROM THE AGE OF 8. NOT KNOWING WHAT IS THE RIGHT OR WRONG THING FOR YOU OR A CHILD IN THEIR TENDER AND VUNERABLE YEARS TO DO IS THE HARDEST OF FEARS TO LIVE WITH. YOUR STEP FATHER BEING SO EVIL KNEW THIS AND USED THREATENING WORDS SO YOU WOULD NOT TELL ANYONE. EVEN YOUR MOTHER AND SISTER YOUR CLOSEST OF FAMILY. THAT MAN HAD FALSE POWER OVER YOU AS DOES MOST STEP FATHERS WHEN THEY USE AND ABUSE CHILDREN FRO THEIR OWN GRATIFICATION AND EVIL WAYS. DARLENE, KC IS YOUR POWERHOUSE TO MOVE ON IN YOUR LIFE. HER LOVING AND CARING WORDS OF HELP AND ADVICE ARE YOUR STEPPING STONES TO BEING TRUE TO YOURSELF, YOUR MAM/SISTERS AND BEING SAFE IN THE FRIENDSHIPS YOU DECIDE TO BUILD IN YOUR LIFE. KNOW THAT ONE TRUE FRIEND IS PRECIOUS IN YOUR LIFE. SHE WILL HELP YOU TO MAKE SENSE OF WHAT DARLENE IS SAYING TO YOU IN HER COMMENTS. PLEASE KC, FOR YOUR OWN HAPPINESS AND PEACE OF MIND READ, HEED AND BEGIN TO GET HELP FOR YOURSELF. KC KNOW YOU ARE GENUINELY LOVED BY YOUR SPECIAL FRIEND. LET HER BE YOUR GUIDE/ANGEL.

May 15, 2009
Thank you SO much!!!
by: K.C.

Thank you Darlene this site has helped me so much and I agree with you that my mother is just as responsible. I wish I could go to my sisters but my mom told me that if I did that she would get her for kidnap. I don't want to hurt my mom because she is my mom and I have a hard time hurting anyone. I can't even hurt my step father even though he hurt me so much and stole my whole child hood from me. I also agree with you about Michael. He was a predetor. I just have a hard time letting him go because he seemed like he was going through so much pain all the time. I just feel like everything is my fault. My sisters won't even talk to me about what their father did to me, and my mother said that she will never tell my younger sisters. My grandparents don't even know what happened. I am still lying to so many people. I just want one person to be by my side and I have that I have my best friend. As I am writting this my hands are shaking because this is the only time I have been able to talk to someone who knows what their talking about. Thank you, again. I don't want to believe that he would ever do that again, I just want to know why he did it? Is there something wrong with me? I don't know what to do anymore.

May 15, 2009
Thank you all!!!!
by: K.C.

I can't tell you how much this is helping me I just always wanted to tell someone who could help. Thank you Maurice your words are so meaningful. I can't thank you guys enough.

May 15, 2009
You are very welcome...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

KC, there is NOTHING wrong with you. None of what happened was your fault. No matter what anyone else tells you, it wasn't your fault. Period.

Please consider phoning the number I gave you for Child Help. They really can offer you someone to talk to, but also some options available to you.

And I'm SO proud that you recognized that Michael is a predator. You are worthy of so much more than that, KC. Focus on getting yourself some help right now. That's the most important thing for you.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

May 15, 2009
know we all care about your welbeing you are a teenager of hope
by: maurice

KC oh how happy I am for you to accept all the loving caring professional helping words of Darlene. She sure emphatises with you and where you have been and a are at in all you shared in your story. Great you have found her site, you'll be the better off if you follow through and get all the help you need right now. You are one very special and lucky intelligent Teenager having that Angel friend by your side. A true friend is a gift from on high. Allow her to be your encourager and support to do as Darlene suggests. Great you are making steps to LOVE yourself and be true to yourself. Hi begin to have a loving mirror image of yourself. I love me, I am beautiful, I am special, Always believe in yourself K C

May 16, 2009
I am beyond words.
by: K.C.

Thank you! I am trying to get on a road to bettering myself but it's hard for me because I am trying to always make everyone else happy. I will try and leave but I just don't know if I can. I don't want to hurt anyone. I did see what Michael was doing to me, I am just sorry I didn't see it sooner. I will keep my best friend by my side and let her be my angel, as Maurice said. Thank you both so much. Reading your words brings tears to my eyes. Even if I can't cry. Thank you again.

May 16, 2009
If I went to my sister.
by: K.C.

Darlene, sorry if I spelled your name wrong. But if I went to my sister could my mom get her for kidnapping? I want to leave and I know I need to, but if my mom sends the cops what would I tell them of why I left? I am trying to think of every little thing and I don't want to hurt anyone. Thank you again for everything. I can't say that enough.

From Darlene: You spelled my name perfectly, KC.

I'm not a lawyer, nor do I know the laws in your state. I can't tell you to go to your sister's and then see what happens; I can't tell you how to proceed at all. What I can tell you is that nothing can change if you don't disclose what has happened to you. The fact that your mother refuses to ensure you are safe is putting you at greater risk.

And KC, I'm not convinced your stepfather only molested you. Sex offenders do not change their ways. They do not stop unless they are forced to stop. It is quite likely he is molesting his own daughters too.

You keep saying you don't want to hurt anyone...KC, anyone includes you. YOU are hurting. YOUR needs aren't being met. YOU are unsafe in that environment, and so are the other girls. If your mother won't do what she is supposed to do (protect you and keep you safe from harm) then you must act for yourself. Please call Child Help. They can offer you more options.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

May 16, 2009
I will call.
by: K.C.

I will call child help. I know I am hurting me but me doesn't matter anymore. I ask my mom if I matter and she says yes but I never believe her because she has never given me any reason to believe her that I matter to her. Her rapist husband means oh so much more than me. :(

Thank you. I know I have said that many times and I will continue to say it because you have helped me so much. Thank you Darlene!

From Darlene: I'm so glad you're going to call Child Help, KC.

Whether or not your mother acts in a way that shows you matter...YOU MATTER! YOU REALLY DO MATTER! I cannot say that enough. But it isn't me who needs convincing. Nor is it your mother. YOU are the one who needs to realize that you are worthy and deserving of dignity and respect. You're taking that first step toward this by calling Child Help. You're in my thoughts, and I'll send positive energy your way, KC. I'm sure many of my visitors will do the same.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir



May 17, 2009
Up to date.
by: K.C.

Thank you. I feel your good energy everytime I come onto your page. I convenced one of my friends to come to this sight and write her story here. She is still suffering from what happened to her as a child. I think that this is the best thing I could have done for myself and I am getting through the day better.

Yesterday I finally told my mom how I feel and she didn't like it but I'm ok with that. I know that things will be ok. I know that as long as I have my best friend and this sight I will make it.

Again, thank you so much. Your are an insperation!

May 18, 2009
K.C.:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

While I thank you for the acknowledgment, KC, I see YOU as the inspiration, because you are making an effort to help yourself at a time when that is a very difficult thing to do. You are reaching out and you are gaining self confidence in the process. Talking to your mother was a good thing. It's very mature of you to understand that her "liking it" is not as important as speaking up. You are gaining independence and self-esteem, KC; you should be very proud of yourself. I sure am proud of you. Keep up the good work!

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

May 19, 2009
good news . progress in building your self esteem will take time
by: maurice

Hi KC great you are beginning to believe in yourself slowly but very surely. it is great news, K C take time, be patient with yourself, you've been through alot so building your self worth and self esteem will take you time. Darlene is lovingly leading you upwards and onwards with her caring and helpful love words with helpfull sugesstions. KC I can do it, I will do it and I must do it for myself now that I know it will make me more confident in myself.

May 21, 2009
I agree
by: Tasha

Darlene, you said "Whether or not your mother acts in a way that shows you matter...YOU MATTER! YOU REALLY DO MATTER! I cannot say that enough." in one of your earlier comments.
I can not agree more. I have been talking to KC for a while and I tell her that everytime I see her. I don't cry very easily, lately. But reading your story, KC, made me almost cry. I can't believe someone could be so cruel.
But I'm so, so very proud of you that you're moving forward and considering getting out of that house.

May 22, 2009
The I am beautiful Project for us all
by: maurice

K C all of us need a push in the right direction when it comes to realising how beautiful we are.
K C You Matter no matter whether Family or people say other wise. I'm Special, I am who I am in my own right nothing will ever change that. Hi K C it is up to you and you alone to accept that. I Matter because you really do matter. Darlene knows best but so do we all who care for your welbeing and all the progress you've been making.
Begin to day by telling yourself why you are beutiful write your reason down and return to them when ever you doubt that fact. Begin today not to criticise yourself, then try it for a week etc. It works, I've worked at doing it for many a year now. K C Look in that mirror and know you can accomplish anything YOU want. Go for it with the help of Darlene's loving, encouraging words and all of us who agree with her. Do you doubt that Fact K C.

May 22, 2009
Just one of those days.
by: K.C.

Thank you, all of you. I can't say that enough. I am at a crossroads at the moment. I want to stay here because of my family, but I want to go to my sisters because I know it will help me.

About a week ago I told my mother I needed to go to my sisters house and she responded with, "fine go to your sisters house and be a loser like her." I can't think straight anymore. I lock myself in my office and stay clear of my family, mostly my dad and mom. I really wish I could stay with my best friend all the time because when she is around I feel safe and I feel like I'm home.

They say the home is where the heart is. Well alot of the times, this isn't where my heart is. I don't always feel safe here. You should be able to feel safe in your own house.

Thank you Darlene, for your support, and your caring and loving words, as Maurice has said many times.

Thank you Maurice, I'm sorry if I spelled your name wrong. Thank you for helping me through this hard time. I am trying to help myself, it's going along slowly but its getting there.

And last but certainly not least. Thank you Tasha, thank you for always being there and for being my very best friend in the whole world. Because of you I feel that someone is looking out for me because they gave me you. I love you very much. Your like the perfect sister from another family. :)

May 24, 2009
You are an inspiration
by: Tiffany

KC, reading your story is such an inspiration. As Darlene said, you are doing what you need to do to help yourself even though it is difficult, and for that you should feel so proud. I was never able to do that. My sister reported our abuse. And I know what you mean about not wanting to hurt your family. When CPS took my brother out, I wanted him back even though he had hurt me so bad. I didn't think it was fair to my parents and I didn't think it was fair to him. but you need to take care of YOU - that's what's important. because you are so special. i hope you find yourself in a safe and supportive home really soon. we are all cheering for you :)

May 25, 2009
great you know you are at the first cross roads in your life
by: maurice

KC, there's hope in that statement I'm at a cross roads in my life . ''WOW'' acknowledging that is absolutely huge. good on you KC. now with the help of your friends you'll begin to journey onwards and upwards in your life. Hi I Can do it, I will do it I must do it for ME. I'M special. Think Positive, act positive, be positive. You'll make it KC. Be brave, be strong, be persevering. You'll succeed to have a powerful mirror image of yourself.

May 25, 2009
To K.C.:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I just wanted to write you a quick note to say that I've noticed how supportive and encouraging you've been to so many of the other story contributors here on this site, KC. Good job! I do hope it's helping you as much as it's helping the visitors you leave comments for. Thank you for helping to make this site a safe and supportive place for others to visit. I am blessed to have people like you and Maurice and Judy and Tiffany and Sandra and Linda so many others, too many to name.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

May 30, 2009
You all are an inspiration!
by: K.C.

Everytime I come on this sight I get less and less depressed. Thank you all so much. I love coming and reading everyones stories. Sorry I haven't responded, my mom says that I am getting to hung up on this sight.

Whenever I read other peoples stories I feel so bad for them, I really wish that anything that ever happened to me, never had to happen to anyone else ever again, but sadly it does. Thats why I am so happy there is this sight, where I know that if anyone ever comes on it they will be able to let everything out and be able to be supported.

Thank you all, so much!

Mar 09, 2010
How I am now
by: K.C.

Hi, long time, no comment. I wanted to update you guys on how my life is going right now. I'm in a commited relationship with a guy named Spencer. I told him my whole story and he is very supportive of me, and sometimes I take that for granted. I am moved out of the house, and I am living with Spencer and his family. Ever since then my life has been so much better, I do know that Scott ("dad") has absolutely NO control over me. My family is moving to florida. As soon as I stepped out of the door they had plans to move. And I guess I'm going to miss them, but on the other hand, I am just happy that they are leaving. My boyfriend Spencer and his mother, and well really my second mom, have really opened my eyes on reporting him. I have been on the fence about it, and right now I'm just not sure what to do. I'm worried about my family, but I'm not sure that's all that's going on. My grandma and aunt really want me to live with one of them, becaue they think that my situation isn't the greatest. But, there really isn't a great situation, and right now I'm in the best situation I can be in. I feel so at peace here, and I love my family, but at the moment this is what's best for me, and hey, they keep telling me, K.C. do what's best for you. So, gosh damn it, that's exactly what I'm doing.

From Darlene: I'm proud of you, KC. You're out of that house and on your way to moving on. Just stay true to Who You Really Are, and don't ever do anything that doesn't feel right to you.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jul 18, 2010
Another update.
by: KC.

I finally reported it! Tomorrow is the preliminary hearing. My mom is mad at me for it but I don't care, she was a terrible mother. Spencer and I have stepped back from our relationship while I take time to heal and recover. I really miss him but right now it's what's best. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow because I have to face my mom and scott. I will have a solid support group with me, and he won't. That makes me happy. Also I am now living with my aunt, which has turned out better than I thought. If it were up to me, I wouldn't have moved in here but it's good for me I guess.

Jan 23, 2012
It's finally happening.
by: KC

Hi guys,

I just thought I'd let you know that I actually reported my abuse to the police and it went to court. We've been going through the process for almost 2 years because the court date has been moved twice. The trial started today and I have to testify tomorrow morning at 11 which I'm really nervous about but I know that even if he isn't prosecuted that my life will go on and that it's much better than it was. I'm living with my aunt and uncle now, I graduated high school, I am going to college, and have a part time job. I've been going to therapy since I reported the abuse and have been doing great. I just wanted to write this to let people know that there can be happy endings to a horrible story.

Thank you,
K.C.

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From Victim to Victory
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How I got over the devastating effects of child abuse and moved on with my life

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