Comments for Child Abuse Story From Justin T

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Jun 04, 2009
Unfathomable abuse...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Justin, on a logical level, I'm sure you know that what happened to you, your siblings and your mother was not your fault. It's the emotional level that's got you thinking that it was. But it WASN'T your fault. You were a powerless and helpless child; he was the powerful all-controlling adult, a deranged adult that need to be removed from society. You were not complicit in the abuse he doled out; you were used and manipulated by him. You couldn't refuse him because if you had, he likely would have killed you. He manipulated you by showing you that when you didn't do what he wanted, he would not only beat you to a pulp, but he would make you watch him beat and rape members of your family. Your father yielded the gun. That makes HIM responsible for the shooting incident, not you the victim. It matters not what you did, said or didn't do or say, you will never be responsible for what he did to you. I do hope he's now in prison for his vicious criminal acts.

Regarding your suicidal thoughts, you don't want to die, Justin. What you want is to be out of emotional pain. Perhaps it will help you to remember that the violence is over, except in your mind. You have already lived through the worst kinds of physical and emotional abuse there is, yet you survived it all. What's left are your thoughts about that abuse. When you put it all together, Justin, it's your thoughts that are driving the urge for you to end it all. And while you can't change what you feel, if you change what you think you automatically change how your feel. You are still alive for a reason, Justin. You just need to go inside yourself to understand that.

Keep seeing your therapist. Be honest with him/her. Share everything so that you can begin to heal. You certainly deserve it.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Jun 04, 2009
Never give up!
by: Linda Settles

I went through horrendous abuse the first thirty-three years of my life (or at least 28 of those years, my first memory of it being at 5 years old). Suicidal thoughts plagued me from an early age. I, too, felt responsible for everyone except myself. My life was inconsequential.

But I was wrong, Justin. My life mattered then and it matters now. As you process the pain of the past you will begin to find joy in your present and hope for the future.

You've probably heard the story about the frog that fell into the cream. There were three frogs, actually. Two gave up and died. The third just kept kicking until he had churned that cream into butter and then he hopped out of the churn.

You are still in the churn. Your thoughts and emotions are whirling around a core base of fear that drives you to seek comfort in the grave.

Don't do it. Don't let your past destroy your future.

Let's rely on the wisdom of Winston Churchill in his address to Harrow College:

"Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never--in nothing, great or small, large or petty--never give in, except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force. Never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy."

And I will add, no matter what we have been through or the compromises or failures we may have experienced, it is never to late to change the direction of our life.

I gave in to evil because I didn't know how to do better. Children are placed in that position when they are abused and mistreated. But we are adults now. This is the pivitol moment of life for you--right now--today. Refuse to accept the lies of the past and live a powerless life. Go to therapy. Read and study powerful books on healing and recovery. And never, never, never give in to the enemies of discouragement, condemnation, guilt, regret, and despair.

You can do it. I know you can.

Jun 04, 2009
Dear Justin
by: Rhianna

Dear Justin,

Yes you can do it and you deserve all the best in life!

You feel useless and worthless because your father treated you as though you were. I think he must be a very sick creature to treat you in those ways. Labels for him which spring to mind relate to psychopathy and sociopathy. From your description he did everything in his power to keep you down. He tried to destroy you in so many ways and then finally by actually shooting at you, his own son.

Questions spring to mind such as has he been prosecuted for all this and is he serving time as Darlene mentioned?

However, instead of falling down dead in the dust like he wanted you to, either before or after the shooting, like The Powerful Phoenix Rising from the ashes, you have refused to be destroyed. You are the real winner here Justin and he is just One Great Big Loser! I could think of lots of other words to describe him as well, but they are profane and Darlene would probably not post them.

How ridiculous to teach you so-called "Man Lessons 101". There may be words to describe these sorts of bestial behaviours, but "Man" certainly does not spring to mind.

Dear Justin, you are much more of a man than he ever was!

Yes you will feel guilt and confusion about your part in what went on. However, remember that you were not the adult here. You were an underage minor. You were controlled, manipulated, brainwashed and bullied into doing his very sick will. You did not CHOOSE of your own free will to take part in those bestial activities. The fact that you felt disgust then and now shows that you are completely different from the monster who was your father.

Your priority now has to be you and your own healing. I pray that you will find Peace and Love and Assistance and more Blessings!

You are the real man here and I believe that you are much more powerful than you give yourself credit. How many other people could survive what you have been through?

May you grow in Strength and Power and Healing day by day and may Happiness be yours!

More Power and Love to you Dear Justin!!

Jun 05, 2009
The cruelty and lasting effects of abuse
by: maurice

It is so, so wrong Justin T. In a cruel way you are learning of the awful effects on you as a beautiful innocent child. Your father almost ruined you but he did not win Justin T. You never let him win and have power over you ever again. Your fighting back and good on you for being so brave and so strong to come onto Darlene's site and be so strong to relate some of the details of your Fathers (Animalistic) sadistic abuse on your mother and on his children. A total sicko, making you do all you did during it all. Justin T. Darlene's words to you are loving, caring, sensitive, supporting, encouraging words. Just spend time soaking them into you. Then with the help of your counsellor/therapist you'll slowly begin your own life's journey away from the thoughts. memories, effects of your childhood. It will not be easy Justin T. But you're a winner. I know you're stronger than you imagine yourself to be. There's goodness and greatness in you to do good for yourself and others around you. You're a survivor of abuse. Justin T always believe that. always believe your the winner in all the pain, hurt, physically and emotionally. Great you have begun your own recovery by telling your horrendous story of abuse. Hi your intelligent, I can read that about you in the you worded and related your story. There's great hope for you as I read between the lines Justin T. All abuse is wrong, All of us who are making comments have been through it and are working our way out of it. We have won the day to a degree by getting on with our own life's NOW. My praise of Darlene's site is because I found great release and relief of being able to tell my story of abuse in detail not knowing then that a powerhouse of LOVE would come into me from her own comments to me and now that of many others. It is real Therapy for me. Hi Justin T. in our hearts we LOVE each other from a distance, knowing that gives me great HOPE in myself that I have succeeded to be a winner over my abuser. No comparisons, each one's abuse is so personal to him/her her/him. Hi you look at that beautiful hunk in the Mirror and say I am beautiful, I am special, I can accomplish anything I want and go for it. All my body is beautiful why would I want to disfigure it myself. That Bad, Bad Man my father did me an injustice by the scars that will remain for a long time in my mind and maybe the marks of his beating are still there. I have the power within me to slowly erase those marks with the help of my very special people (Friend (S)) who love me for the good guy I am now. Justin T Think positive, act positive, be positive and forgive me for being vulgar but P P away all of the negative's thoughts about yourself. I am beautiful, I am a hunk of a guy. I love me. It's okay for us Males to say I LOVE ME. Justin T always believe in yourself.

Jun 06, 2009
Thanks for support
by: Justin T

I realized it wasn't my fault, even though it's hard to believe that. Im still not comfortable with contacting my family. Especially my twin. She was the one who suffered. I was the oldest, i should have called some hotline or something. All you guys comments are helping me realize i need to let go

From Darlene: Justin, first of all, you're welcome. Second of all, you're putting nature adult values on what you did and did not do as a child; that's not being fair to the powerless child you were, the powerless child your deranged father kept strict control over. Your personal truth is that you should have called a hotline because if you had then the abuse would have stopped and then the members of your family who were suffering would no longer be suffering. But you don't know that that is absolutely true. You don't know what you don't know. I'm not saying that calling a hotline wouldn't have changed everything. What I'm saying is that you did what you did or did not do because you were doing the best you could at the time, at the time you were a terrorized child. Letting go is about giving yourself a break. You were a child, Justin, a terrified manipulated helpless child. Your story and the fact that you wish you had done things differently will help others on this site, others who may come to realize that calling a hotline for their particular situation or that of another is the best thing. Sharing as you have, Justin, is turning pain into power.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Jun 06, 2009
why i feel this way
by: Justin T

my dad's fiance called me up a couple of months ago, basically harassing me. She told me it was my fault her husband was in jail that i should be locked up. That i was on my way to becoming just like him. I think that's what I'm afraid of. Becoming just like him. I always figured that i might just do the world a favor and kill myself. Oh just to let everyone know, my dad has jail time for twenty years.For drug possession and attempted murder.

Jun 06, 2009
Justin You Are The Man!
by: Alex

Hey Justin,

You are one special person to have survived all you have been through. My heart goes out to you.

Did your sick father think that he was James Bond or something? "Man Lessons 101". What a pitiful excuse for a human being, let alone a man.

Justin, you hold your head up high because it is YOU who are the real man here!

I see you moving forward, becoming happy and successful like the REAL MAN you are!

Love to you my brother!

Jun 14, 2009
Book recommendation
by: Rhianna

Hi Justin,

Thanks for keeping us updated and telling us that your father has been incarcerated. Let's hope that that will keep him out of harm's way and also out of your and your family's way.

You say that you worry that you might become like him. I understand that worry, which many share, especially also because of some societal beliefs about the abused becoming abusers, which are not necessarily true. You are brave to express your feelings about this. Thank you for sharing. However, just because we have been abused does not mean that we will become abusers ourselves. I have a book recommendation for you: Breaking the Cycle of Abuse: How to move beyond your past to create an abuse-free future, by Beverly Engel.

I like the fact that this book is written by an experienced therapist who has struggled with these issues herself. Plus it is clear and easy to read.

Wishing you all the best in your journey and in your healing Dear Justin!!!

Hold your head up high please!! Love to you!!!

Jun 15, 2009
Know it does not follow that if you were abused that YOU will abuse.
by: maurice

Justin T great you are sharing what is a fear for you after your abuse. Your father ruined your innocence so strongly that it is a very natural fear for you to live with. Darlene and a number of her many visitors LOVE you as I do and we do understand having that fear is totally human after all you were put through. Justin T you were a child/teenager when your father demanded you to do things which you had no control over yourself out of fear of him. He sure has plenty of time to contemplate the damage he did to you and your poor mother by all the hittings and beatings and getting a thrill out of having you recording it for him. There is no way Justin T you will go down that road, You are a much bigger man not to do that and have the tag abuser after your name. Be assured we all live with that fear but you know and I know hundreds of people who were abused married and had children saying to each other I am not going to rear my children the way I was reared accepting immediately in this statement that their parents abused them. or were abused by guardians or so called friends baby sitters of their parents. Acknowledge fully that you were abused. That it was not YOUR Fault, That you had no control out of fear to stop it. Justin T be brave, be strong for you now. with all the help of your few friends and with professional advice and help, you live your life to the full knowing deep down in your heart I am not like my father in any form of that beastly abuse he perpetrated on me and my Mother

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