Comments for Child Abuse Story From Josh Part 2

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Mar 11, 2010
Josh:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

There isn't enough room in this space to give you the answers you're looking for. And you will always be able to find a reason not to tell, especially when you've already made up your mind. But consider these points:

How a man treats his family is the true measure of the man, not how he "acts" in public. Your father is not anywhere close to being a "nice guy." He's a brute and he's emotionally abusive, which by the way is the most difficult of all the abuses to overcome.

The fear you have of getting help is exactly the same fear almost everyone in your situation experiences. That is why child abuse is so enabled on so many levels. Abusers know children and adolescents are afraid of not being believed and that they are afraid of breaking up the family. Abusers know that children blame themselves for all that goes wrong in a family, including blaming themselves when they have to get help. Abusers count on this fact. This is one of the main reasons child abuse is so insidious. But you see, Josh, you only think you're keeping the family unit together by not telling. The fact is, the family is already broken. There will come a time in your life (probably when you are much older) when you realize that staying quiet did no one any favours, especially you. You will come to realize the true cost of staying quiet. Will there be a family break up if you tell? Probably. Will there be family members "taking sides?" Probably. Will there be changes to the way the family lives? Probably. But the better questions to ask are: Am I, Josh, worthy of dignity and respect? Am I worthy of love? Am I deserving of a healthy life? If you don't answer a resounding yes to all of the above, then you have taken the torch from your father. A father who doesn't know what the heck he is talking about. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir


Mar 13, 2010
Stand up for yourself!
by: Anonymous

I know you feel like the guilty one, especially if you did what you're supposed to do. It's about making the right decision and never have any regrets. Do not let yorself be treated badly, as well as your other younger family. Your father will act nice in front of people to hide his true self. He doesn't want to lose you, but yet disregards his own actions. He is very aware what he is doing is wrong, but yet he chooses to do it, so! You are old enough to make your own decisions, not too young at all! If I were you, I'd get a full time job and take care of your younger siblings somehow, have them move in with you, at least on some day through week, have your father pay for support, and you take care of them, it's the only way! Be a man and stand up for yourself, never give up, it's what they want! Don't think less of yourself, as your worth the same or more than any person on this earth! Thank you! Good day!

Mar 13, 2010
Coward, Bully, Hypocrite, Dangerous, Not a Man but a mouse.
by: Maurice

Josh don't be fooled into thinking that accepting your Father's behaviour is respecting him, It is a false respect out of fear of him: you are not doing yourself or your siblings justice by staying silent about his abuse of YOU. I am certain he has chosen you to bully, beat, make you feel like a piece of dirt simply because he is all the things I put as my headline. A hail fellow well met in his wokk circles but a beast and an evil man behind closed doors in his house. Notice I did not say home because that is where families grow up together in genuine love and respect of each other. Your story is centred very much around yourself so Darlene or I don't knw if your so called Father is did or is doing the same to your brother's and sister: I guess the 23 year old sister is living her life and out of the house by now, while your 17 and 14 year old brothers are big enough to know their father is not nice. Your story is very true and real but I am sure you are aware that in certain families Father's Mother's guardian pick on one of their children to make an example of. so that out of fear the other children are not as abused by them. Josh if that is the truth in your case, you never deserved such cruelty and horrific treatment of your dignity as a human being. Your father is one very bad man. Certainly does not deserve the name of Father. By not teling anyone even in counselling or theraphy you are not doing yourself justice. I would say you are jighly inteeligent from the detailed written account of what that Bad Man did and is still doing to you. Your no fool, you are just a protector of a coward a whimp of a the male species. He won't change. If you want to value and respect your own intelligence than you will have to admit he was wrong, is wrong, You have taken the huge step of writing it all down. You want someone to hear you. Darlene has given you the soundest of ways to value and respect yourslf. Don't let your father put you down and get away with it. Please speak to a counsellor at your schol or college just to get their profesional view in total confidentiality: your father/family need never know you have done that. You will get the inner strength to the right thing for yourself. It is your life that you need to value now. If your sister and brothers are united and genuine talking to them will put you straight in your thniking. help you do the right thing. Josh, I want what is the very best for you. So does Darlene and all her concerned visitors. we care for each others welbeing. My heart wants you to be a winner over the abuse you received at the hands of your coward of a father. picking on you. maybe to make an example of you before your sister and brothers. The family that is united look out for each other I hope your brothers and sisters stand by you. Josh you do what is right for you.

Mar 13, 2010
YOU ARE A MIRROR
by: Helen Louise

Josh, Please know that the kind of abuse that you describe here says more about your father than about you. He is seeing his own guilt about who he is when he speaks to you that way. He could be criticising you because he resents your strength, too. In fact, a general principle about criticism is to look for any valid basis to it, determing to correct what is your part, then let the rest of it go. I know that that is a difficult discipline, but it is an antidote to unfair expectations.

Believe me. I have been there.
Good luck.

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Disclaimer: To the best of my knowledge the child abuse
stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
heard and validated with the needs of my visitors.



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