Comments for Child Abuse Story From Joseph Part 1

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Jun 16, 2009
Part 1: As their father, your children must be your top priority...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Joseph, first I will say that you should be very proud that you are taking the necessary steps to ensure the safety of your children. As their father, that has to be the top priority. Your wife is sick. No mother (or father) in their right mind would do the things she did to her children. Getting them the help they need may well be a long-time commitment. They all have much to deal with. YOU have much to deal with.

With regard to your mother and the sexual abuse she inflicted on you, she too was sick, and she was heinously perverted. And what made it so much worse is how she used her position of trust and authority as your mother (and as your stepfather's wife) against you. How she misused that power to get you to do what she wanted you to do. You were terrified, you were powerless to do anything to stop it. And even when you tried to reach out for help at school, you were betrayed by the one person who could instead set things in motion for the abuse to stop.

And while your stepfather is not to blame for the sexual acts your mother committed against you, he was an abuser himself—a violent abuser—and an enabler of abuse with that violence. BOTH your mother and stepfather terrorized you, Joseph; and that kept you quiet, as well as compliant.

Society does not want to believe that mothers can do such things because it tears at the fabric of who we are as human beings. People do not want to believe that mothers, the caregivers and nurturers, the givers of birth, are capable of such terrible crimes against their children. But they ARE capable of such crimes. Boys DO get abused by their mothers. Boys CAN be and ARE sexually assaulted by their mothers. Certainly not all mothers, but some.

It must also be understood that when a young male's body responds to sexual assault, sexual assault still took place. It is perfectly natural for a young male to experience both an erection and an orgasm when he is being assaulted. (Girls can also experience an orgasm during an assault.) So if this happened to you, don't EVER blame yourself. Your mother is the one who must shoulder the blame. SHE was the sex offender. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You didn't deserve to be molested or beaten or betrayed. What you deserved was love, dignity and respect. You were—you ARE—worthy of all that, Joseph.

See Part 2: Seeking justice and custody... below.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Jun 16, 2009
Part 2: Seeking justice and custody...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Joseph, you said you were seeking justice for what your mother did to you. I just want you to know that regardless of the outcome of a trial, you know in your heart what your mother did. You do not need to have a court decision that tells you she is guilty for you to know this. You have been validated here, Joseph, on this site, as well as in your heart. You know the truth. So even if a conviction is not apparent, even if you never see justice for what your mother did to you, that does not mean that you have been invalidated. It just means that the courts failed to realize and understand, for whatever reason, that your mother was and is guilty of these crimes against you. I'm not saying you shouldn't seek justice; what I'm saying is don't allow a ruling to determine whether or not you will move forward with healing. Healing and recovery must come from within you, not from some outside source that can only measure "guilt" based on historical fact-finding and evidence.

Joseph, use your experience as an abuse survivor to help your children through their child abuse experiences. You have the ability to turn pain into power with your children. THAT can be the purpose behind what you were forced to endure. Right here, right now, decide what kind of man you are going to be. Your children need you now more than ever. They deserve to have their father Present, and their father deserves to BE Present for them and for himself.

If there is any way for you to get counselling for yourself, I strongly recommend it. Counselling will likely be required for your children as well.

Your drawing is very powerful; it tells such a story of pain. Keep drawing, Joseph. It can be very therapeutic. As for additional parts to your story, I welcome them, whenever you're ready to write them. Thank you for sharing Part 1 with my visitors and me.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir


Jun 17, 2009
God Bless
by: Sandra (Lonely at Heart)

You and your children!! You are doing the right thing...never second guess yourself!!
I am deeply sorry for everything that you had to endure with your mother...but I am so proud of you for taking your children out of that situation and protecting them from further harm!! Continue to think about them and they will continue to give you the strength to go on!

I will pray for you & your kids!! God bless!!

"Smile, Its Free!!"

Jun 17, 2009
Monsters for "parents"
by: Anonymous

Joseph, what your so-called mother and step-dad did to you was and still is sadistic, pathetic, disgusting and ungrateful. You did not deserve a mom who literally took pleasure in telling on you and getting you into "trouble" and all. I'm so glad that you're finally out of their clutches and I'm also glad that you're already turning in your "mother" to court; I just hope that your "parents" get incarcerated for all those terrible crimes that they committed against you. As for your wife, she really needs help. But you need help, too. Have both of you tried counselling? If not, I encourage both of you to do so because you are worth the help that you deserve. I wish you and your beautiful kids all the best. Be brave, Joseph, and stay strong.

Jun 22, 2009
I wish.....
by: Judy

you the best of luck today and in the future. You have received some wonderful encouragement and advice on this site by some loving and caring people. Please continue on your journey of recovery and follow through on your decision to prosecute. Your wife should also be prosecuted for the crimes committed against her/your children. The video is evidence and will most certainly solidify your case for full custody of your children. You are a smart man despite your past - it is great that you didn't let your past define you. Thanks for sharing and best wishes to you and your precious children. Judy

Jul 25, 2010
Wow
by: Another lost soul

Joseph, my heart bleeds for you.I to have under gone so much abuse that it has to some degree killed me inside. I cant hold down a relationship either. I always feel as though they will leave me. Iam 40 years old and still suck my thumb. I have 3 wonderful children and have fought off a 6 year meth habbit. I have been clean for 8 years without a rehab.I have found strenth in knowing that there is a god and by his grace I am who I am today. Im currently going back to school for criminal justice and hope to make a change (if just 1)in a childs life.

Jun 18, 2017
I pray you are doing well!
by: Lonely at Heart

Joseph,
I read your story without realizing I had already read it years ago....I do pray that you and your children are doing great and going to counseling. I hope that your wife/ex has gotten the help that she too needs and has a relationship with her children.
I know it's not an easy road, it hasn't been for me these past years but just know that...you are not alone!!
You can get through the tough times, one day at a time and your children will be your strength! Mine have definitely been that for me!
Best of luck & happy Father's Day!
~Sandra

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Disclaimer: To the best of my knowledge the child abuse
stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
heard and validated with the needs of my visitors.



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