Comments for Child Abuse Story From John

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Mar 17, 2014
John:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

There isn't a straight up answer to the question of a statute of limitations. Where it happened. How old you were. How long you've remembered. The act itself. All these things are taken into account. The best thing to do is to consult a lawyer if you really want to take the legal route. But the legal route will not likely yield you what you are really looking for. Abusers are notorious for denying what they did, let alone what the effects were of their abuse. And it can be further victimizing if the abuser actually blames the victim for the abuse, which they often do. The you-came-onto-me type of blame, sick and twisted as that is. Consider reading a blog post I wrote recently: Confront Your Abusers When They Are Not Around to be Confronted. You might find it helpful. As for forgiveness, when someone asks to be forgiven, it's all about them. They ask because they need to be absolved of what they did. Not because they care about the person they harmed. But forgiveness is not for the abuser, John. Forgiveness is for YOU. Hanging onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. It's YOU who suffers. It's YOU who continues to be connected to your abuser. Here's the link to another article you might find helpful: Forgiveness Is For You. I send you love, light and healing energy, John. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Mar 17, 2014
john's story
by: Anonymous

my primary abuser was my brother John. So it is touching to read a story about abuse of a boy named John.

I love what you answered him, Darlene. I recently confronted my brother with exactly what I remember about what he did to me. He AND my step mother both blame me for what happened when I was seven - oral sex with my older brother in front of my younger brother. So I know what you are talking about with the way abusers twist the events.

I have also written him that i forgive him. He was the product of a sick family as well.
What stimulated my confronting him in an e-mail was him sending me a picture of himself holding his year old granddaughter in his arms, smiling a smug smile. It totally freaked me out. I told him that i worry about his relationship with her, that I want to protect her from him.

You have helped me through so many moments of despair and anger and confusion by letting me write my story.
I hope John also gets some relief and finds peace and forgiveness...

Mar 17, 2014
keeping quiet
by: Anonymous

You are not the only one who kept quiet to protect a parents job. [You are not alone.]

Mar 31, 2014
John,
by: AnonymousT

The way I see it is it was his secret. The boss's & your cousins...it's the abusers secret. Not yours. If you feel it will empower you to confront them, then I see no harm in it. Especially since you're an adult now.

The statute of limitations, the long legal process may be more difficult...but a confrontation may be all you need to move forward. But understand, just because you want an apology, you may not get one. Abusers typically deny and it's best to understand the many different outcomes.

I wish you luck.
T


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this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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