Comments for Child Abuse Story From Joe2

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Jan 23, 2009
Some tough choices to make...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Joe, you can only do the best that you can do. It really is that simple, but you must get into that mindset. You cannot change your father, nor can you get him to admit that the terrible beatings he inflicted were so damaging, emotionally and physically. Regardless of whether or not your father "gets" what he did, you are the one who must choose how you will live your life with the challenges that you now face. Whether or not you want to accept what's happened to you, it HAS happened to you. Nothing can change that.

It was wrong what he did to you. And what he did to you goes beyond what ANY truly reasonable parent could possible consider discipline; he's twisted in his thinking. But he is what he is and he thinks what he thinks; and there isn't a thing you can do about that. YOU must change how YOU think if you have any hope of getting beyond what he did to you as a child that has now left you physically incapacitated.

Yes Joe, what you are dealing with is a constant reminder. I too have physical challenges (though not nearly so life-altering as what you are faced with) that were caused by blows to the face and head (disk degeneration in my neck), getting bashed up against walls (lower vertebrae that often leave me with almost-crippling down-the-back-of-the-leg pain), plus a few others I won't go into here. I realized a long time ago that my life as Darlene Barriere is not a dress rehearsal; I only get one shot at it. I refused to allow what happened to me as a child, regardless of the physical ailments I've been forced to deal with as a result of the abuse I endured and thus the constant reminders, interfere with my ability to conduct my life in the most productive way possible. You can choose this for yourself, Joe.

There is every reason in the world for you to be angry and hostile and full of hate and resentment and all the other emotions that you are feeling; I certainly don't deny you that. What I'm saying to you here is that you are stuck in the mud, and no amount of kicking and screaming and blaming will change the fact that you are stuck in the mud. But if you accept that you ARE stuck in the mud (because you ARE stuck in the mud) you will be far more likely to think clearly about your options on how to get unstuck than if you don't. Yes, easier said than done. That's why I suggest getting some counselling in order to help you deal with the turmoil and residual of being so badly battered by the man who was supposed to love and nurture and protect you. Lean on your wife for support, and other family members if at all possible. You may find a strength there you didn't know existed.


Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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