Comments for Child Abuse Story From Jo

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Mar 06, 2011
Jo:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Firstly, you are NOT tainted in any way. Please stop thinking of yourself in that way. Secondly, forgiveness is not something you do for the other person; it's what you do for yourself in order to be able to move forward in your life. But it's a process, one that most survivors don't simply arrive at by saying it. Forgiveness means that you are no longer controlled by the anger and hate and pain of what your abuser did to you. Understanding that your brother was in pain as a child (he was probably sexually abused himself, and then acted it out) is very evolved; and there's nothing wrong with that. But when "forgiveness" is used to try and bury your pain, your anger and your hostility at being abused, then it isn't forgiveness at all. Rather, it becomes the method in which to avoid what is so painful; and that's not healthy. I AM concerned that your brother may still be sexually abusing, in particular, his own children. You don't know what you don't know, Jo. You see, sexual offenders don't typically stop their offending behaviour until they are made to stop. His children ARE at risk; and you might never know that it's happening. Yes, there are signs, but not all children exhibit outward signs. And when they do, they can be very subtle. Signs that wouldn't be noticeable unless one spent a great deal of time with that child. Please seek out some form of counseling in order to deal with your guilt and shame of being abused, guilt and shame that is not yours to bear. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Mar 07, 2011
Always believe in yourself: You'll be the winner over your half brother
by: maurice

I will: I can: I must: because I am WORTH Always believe in yourself: You want helpful advice, support, love to know what is the best for you to do now: It still effects your way of thinking: being etc: NOW is the time to truly begin to do something that will benefit you and maybe his children: Darlene: has spoken to you from her heart: She has given you real hope but you must act on her encourageing, affirming loving, affirming words: I guarantee, if you want to move on in your life and live it to the full: one sure way is with you very special friend or friends be strong and do what you know what is the best for you: irresepctive of whether he was abused or not he abused you: used you: humiliated you having his friends abuse you: That is no excuse and it all is still effecting you: STOP it now: get help: try some form of counselling which in turn will help you to put all you wrote here on Darlene's safe haven site into perspective for you: Who knows you could be saving others from the effects of being abused or controlled by this molester of the young: One is too many Jo: Have a healthy mind in a healthy body: Get out there in a change of lifestyle and take part with your own age and gender in sporting and cultural activities especially team sports: You'll make real and genuine friends for life: I will: I can: I must: because I am WORTH it

Mar 10, 2011
Jo...
by: AnonymousT

Forgiveness is good because it releases YOU but you really need to look into therapy. Just keep looking for the right therapist until you find them, it can take time to "shop" for the right fit.

I beleive you are right, what your brother did probably WAS a reaction to what was done to him...but has he healed? What would make him stop? Because the kids are his? I don't think so. It would be great if he decided he would never abuse again - but you just don't have that kind of info.

I understand wanting to hold on to the last family you have. But you also need to think about YOU & whats BEST for YOU.

Lots of luck to you.

T

Mar 12, 2011
in reply from jo
by: Jo

I do agree that therapy would prolly help. Ive dealt with most of it on my own. Now i have PTSD and a panic disorder and am completely disfunctional when it comes to love lives. I have always been cautious of his babies. Ive asked questions.. and they r now in their teens in high school and i do feel confident that they havent been harmed. Also his wife was notified about me. People say i should confront him but... no way! I told all involved if he mentions it to me no one in the family will see me... its water under the bridge and a horrible disgusting humiliating memory for me to carry forever. I couldve wrote a huge long drawn out story of things but that was honestly the first time id ever told details and put it down for someone to read and i was emotionl and blurted it all out. It felt good for a sec and then i was thrown into a full blown panic attack and ended up in my bathtub fully clothed with a glass of rum lol but thankfully i have wonderful friends who came to the rescue. I hate the fact that all this will be a dark cloud over every day of my life and my nites of sleep are now alot of times taken over by nitemares. I wonder if i should tell future boyfriends? It a huge part of why i am the way that i am and to truly give myelf to someone.. shouldnt i be honest? On the other hand how can i expect a man to shake the persons hand that hurt me o much as a child. I love my nieces sooo much and i dont want anymore rift in this broken family. Its forever ruined my life.

Sep 24, 2011
Gross
by: Bridget G

Gross, you were just a little kid and for sure he knew better!
I'm sure somethin' probably did happen to him but, he must have known from rights and wrongs.

Anyways, forgiving and forgetting is up to you.
That's your own choice.

Take care!

Peace! <3

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