Comments for Child Abuse Story From Jo2

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Nov 01, 2009
I applaud and commend you for breaking the cycle of abuse...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Jo, it isn't your husband that you need to hear from; it's YOU who must begin to believe that you ARE lovable. Because you ARE. When I learned this for myself, it was life-altering, Jo. I learned that I believed the lies I was told, and that only I had the power to stop believing those lies. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

I'll also point you toward an article I wrote that you might find helpful: why parents target a specific child for abuse. Remember, it offers an explanation, not excuses. And Jo, I'm delighted my site is helping you; thank YOU for your kind words.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Nov 03, 2009
Defining Love
by: Karen

Jo, would you describe anyone else who treats you as your mother does as "loving you?"

I, unfortunately, went through something somewhat similar, though I didn't make it through college. I didn't find any reprieve from my own anxiety, poor self image, and general feelings of worthlessness until I realized that what my mother felt for me was not love. It might be the most positive emotion she is capable of, but that doesn't make it love.

No one who loves you would treat you this way, even if you were stupid, ugly, and worthless. They don't get some special "no matter how evilly I act I still get to claim I'm doing it out of love" pass because they have blood relation.

Love does not hurt you because they don't care how you feel. Love does not treat you as a burden it would rather do without. If those things were love you do everything you could to make sure your "loved" ones experienced it, because you want them to know "love," yes? But you don't, because that isn't love.

Nov 09, 2009
Love begins and ends with me. I'm Special
by: maurice

Jo 2. Always believe in yourself, even if you are finding it difficult to acknowledge that you are the wonderful and beautiful child, teenager, young adult and now Mother/Wife to a husband and your children. Your Parents did not give you the natural and fair chance to accept that about yourself. They sadly did all in their power to kill LOVE, respect, appreciation, of the beautiful gift, child especially your mother who birthed you. A percent of mother's your type it would be better they never had children. Harsh maybe but the way she treated you was not motherly insticts. She should have treated all her children equally, acknowledgeing each one's giftedness, natural beauty, natural loving of her. telling you, you only bought that gift to make me sick. Horrible treatment for a child who wanted to be loved by her mother. Again I cannot enphasize enough to you, take heed of Darlene words to you in her comment. She does and can ephatise with you Jo2. Hi look in the mirror, begin to buld up your own self worth, self esteem, Look at your own beauty, and one's beauty works from within, I am beautiful, be nice to your body, love it like it, soothe and caress it acknowledgeing Love begins and ends with me. Great you have a husband to affirm that. Think Positive, Act Positive, Be positive in all you do and say. Love your children, love your husband, love your friends, Let them love you for who you are in their lives right now. Let go of the Non Love of your Father and Mother they emotionally abused you by treating you as different to you brother and sister. I'M SPECIAL, I LOVE ME, BELIEVE IT BECAUSE GOD CREATED YOU SO. ALWAYS BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.

Nov 09, 2009
Thank you
by: Jo

Thank you - all of you for your support and thoughts. You are right that I need to see for myself that I do have lovable qualities (boy that's still hard to type!). I've been thinking about what you said, Karen and you're right. The way my mother treated me (and still does to a lesser extent) would be totally unacceptable in anyone else. It's hard though - because there are times when my mom is nurturing and generous (but she has to be in charge), but once in awhile, she'll say or do something that makes me or my goals seem stupid. This happens especially when I have some sort of success. I suppose she sees me as some sort of threat, but I can't understand that at all. Why can't she be that other nice(er) person all the time? With my dad, I can accept that he'll be decent much of the time - although disinterested, and a monster sometimes. I don't respect him very much, even though his temper tantrums and fits of belittling still makes me mad. As for my mom, I can handle the manipulation - but the putting me down part, is just brutal. I've been soothing myself with the idea that she loves me in the only way she's capable of - even though it's twisted. After all, she has done many nice things for me (although she expects something back, eventually), but it often makes me feel overly grateful and uncomfortable - maybe it's her way of keeping me on her string. I don't know. Too confusing. Sometimes, I think I should stop hoping that she'll be the mother I've needed her to be - that one day, she'll truly love me for who I am, just as she loves my brother and sister. But maybe that hope just prolongs the pain. I also realize that that's a fantasy because the damage is done. There is no trust anymore, and without trust, what is there? Sorry this is so long - but thanks again - facing realities will help me to heal better than clinging to shadows of hope.

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From Victim to Victory
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