Comments for Child Abuse Story From Jo

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Jul 01, 2008
It's not the truth that will kill you...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Jo, the best gift you can give to your sons is to take good care of their mother. The fear you have of being committed for being a "liar" as you put it is a leftover fear from when you were 8 years old and unable to understand what was happening in your world. As for losing your sons, disclosing childhood sexual abuse won't result in having them taken away. It's far more likely that NOT disclosing will lead to unwanted and tragic results; the emotional effects the sexual abuse has had on you are manifesting in your every day life and will continue to do so, and will likely escalate. You MUST get some help for yourself.

Jo, you've taken a courageous first step by writing your story here; and for that I'm truly honoured. It's time to take the next step.

If you don't yet feel safe or comfortable talking to your husband or anyone in your family about the sexual abuse you endured, then talk to a counsellor. Talk to a counsellor anyway. A professional can help you to unravel all these feelings locked up inside of you. A professional can help you pull things together. Do this for yourself, Jo, but also, for the well-being of your two beautiful boys. The three of you deserve no less.

And trust me when I tell you, telling WILL NOT kill you; it will help set you free, but only when you are truly ready to trust your family with this horrible secret you've kept hidden for 24 years. My god, Jo...24 YEARS—a life sentence for being a victim! Don't let what that pervert did to you take up one more second of your precious life. If you do, the pervert wins, and he keeps winning.

Have you considered that telling might help to release family members who have blamed themselves for these 24 years for the way you as a child withdrew from them? As a parent yourself, wouldn't you blame yourself if either of your sons refused to talk to you or refused to allow you to hug them or if they locked themselves away in a darkened room with no word of why? When you say your family wouldn't believe you, perhaps you aren't giving them the credit they deserve. While there are no guarantees about the way family will respond to such news, there is every chance that they will respond with understanding, compassion and empathy.

As for your husband, do you really believe that he would somehow cast you aside because some twisted child molester sexually assaulted you when you were 8 years old? Do you think that little of him? Did you not choose him as a husband because you believed he would be a loving and supportive man? Trust that he will be this for you. LET him be this for you.

What WILL kill you, Jo, is NOT telling; telling will help bring you back to life, a life that your beautiful sons will benefit from.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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