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Oct 24, 2008
There is something in your mother's past...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

It sounds as though you lived—and possibly still live—in a house of terror, Jennifer. Your mother needs serious help for her uncontrolled bouts of anger and hostility. Just understand that her violent outbursts are NOT about you. Whatever is or was going on with her, whatever was in her past, what she did to you wasn't—isn't—your fault. As I said, your mother's anger was about her, not you. And while I'm glad that you had/have your father to lean on, I am asking myself why he didn't do more to protect you and your siblings from harm, harm he knew your mother was inflicting on all of you.

I have no way of knowing how old you are, Jennifer. If you are still a minor and you are still living in this hostile environment, please contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose the abuse you are suffering at the hands of your mother. You are certainly worth that kind of help. Either way though, they will listen.

If you are an adult, I strongly urge you to seek out some form of counselling in order to help you with the emotional residue of growing up believing you weren't good enough; because you ARE good enough, Jennifer. No matter what your mother said all those times, no matter what she did to try to prove to you that you weren't good enough, you really ARE good enough; you really ARE worthy and smart and precious. It wasn't YOU who required the services of a mental institution.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Nov 20, 2008
cruelty
by: Anonymous

hey jennifer, sorry to hear what your mother put you through.

Strangely enough, i experienced a very similar childhood!

recently i have been feeling pretty down and in spells this has happened to me for a few years now (i am in my late 20's) during these times, bad memories have been creeping up and i have been wondering if the childhood i thought was normal or my emotions had shut down to believe it was.

I came across this site as, like i said before, i thought maybe if i found a story similar to mine it would feel real...if that makes sense, as i think sometimes it wasn't as bad as i think and there are worse stories out there.

anyway, all the best and i hope you are no longer in this situation...i have been considering counselling, but it feels like a really big step and i think again it would bring up a lot of memories which i have managed to bury :( i have also considered posting my story and may do soon.

x

Dec 17, 2008
I understand your mom's evil brutality towards you...
by: Francine

Honey, I understand what you went through at the hands of your horrendous mother and I can easily relate.

Well, let me tell you one thing about homework and how I can relate to that homework part of yours. My mom would always drill me on math facts, science facts, spelling words, book reports (yup, that includes reading the huge books that I don't even understand), spelling words, grammar, my own handwriting, history facts, projects, and even vocabulary until I cried, too. She also would often beat me up over every homework, not just math homework and not just everytime I failed to correct any mistakes. Whenever I'd get to learn cursives, I always had to write lots of paragraphs in pen and eraseable pen only. No regular ballpoint pens ever...and ABSOLUTELY NO GEL PENS, EVER. Math homework was and still is always the only time that I'd get to use a pencil. My psycho mother always claimed that I was too "obstinate" and would often beat me up over every homework-- any homework-- until I "knew it". I always had to keep going before my handwriting was neat enough, my spelling good enough, my math problems easier enough to understand, and grammar acceptable to turn in every next class. I always usually ended up crying, too, while being yelled at and/or beaten.

Second of all, my mother always told me that I deserve to go to the mental institution, too. Well, we both did nothing wrong, you and me. It is your mom and mine, too, who should really get professional help, mostly counselling or therapy.

Thirdly, your mom should be friends with mine because they are both perfectionists and they always want me to be like them. My mom would always freak out whenever I made a mess, whether by accident or not. Oh, and sometimes, my mom would threaten to put a diaper on me, too. From those days on, I was so afraid to even sleep at times. I was and still am so afraid to even see her come home just to find that my homework wasn't done or that my room wasn't clean. Well, guess what? I do not ever want to be like my mom in any way; when I'll get to have even one baby one day, I'll try to talk to him/her in a friendly manner and take him/her under the wing instead of blowing a gasket and going crazy like my mom does all the time whenever she gets mad. So here is my advice to all our abusers: Don't even flirt with abuse.

Well, that is how I can relate my own story with yours. Have you tried counselling? If not, I hope you try it now cuz you deserve to get help. Ta ta!

Dec 17, 2008
So many stuff I can relate with your story
by: Francine

Jennifer, your story has a lot of stuff that I can relate with. The homework part...yes, I can relate. But what about the mental institution part? Yes, that I can relate, too. The diaper part...hell yes, I can relate, too. Sadly, I can't even explain all the things that I can relate to you because it is so horrifying I don't even want to talk about it. I hope you try counselling cuz you're worth the help that you need. My heart really bleeds for you.

Mar 06, 2013
So little love shown...
by: Anonymous

My heart goes out to you, Jennifer. All those years of trying to please your mother and not receiving love. Anyway, I don't really know what else to say...just to let you know that I read what you wrote.

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