Comments for Child Abuse Story From Jennifer

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Apr 02, 2008
 You have reason to be concerned...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Jennifer, your mother's judgment certainly appears to be lacking. She should have believed you when you were telling her about the sexual abuse her boyfriend was inflicting on you, and she should have protected you. She failed you as a little girl, and it seems she is continuing to fail you now.

As a mother yourself, it is your job to protect your daughter from harm, as you well know. I commend you for realizing that and for wanting to ensure that your little girl doesn't have to deal with what you were forced to deal with.

Please consider contacting your local Women's Shelter to speak with a counsellor there about the situation you are living with. They may have access to resources that can help you. Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) is another resource for you to consider. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They can help you both as an adolescent dealing with the effects of child abuse, and as a young mother trying to protect her little girl.

Jennifer, I've said this before, I'll say it again here to you: The best gift you can give your daughter is to take good care of her mother. I sincerely wish you and your daughter all the best.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir
Apr 02, 2008
 Don't let him WIN!
by: Linda

I am very sorry that sexual abuse happened you. That sorry, lowdown scum took away your childhood. He doesn't deserve your forgiveness. I think forty years was to easy for him. The judge should have given him life without parole. You still have your whole life ahead of you. Separate yourself from these horrible people for your Baby's sake and yours. Seek counceling for yourself and try to move ahead with your life. Forget about forgiving that animal, Forgiving him is like making what he did to you was alright. Your mother needs to be in jail with him.
Apr 03, 2008
 About forgiveness...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I'm writing this just as much for Linda who commented below as for Jennifer.

Forgiveness is not about saying what somewhat did to you was okay; what happened will NEVER be okay. And it is not about telling that person you forgive them either. Forgiveness does not mean that your abuser wins; quite the opposite. Forgiveness is saying to yourself that you will no longer allow what that person did to you control any aspect of your life. Forgiveness is letting go of the anger and the hostility, and yes, sometimes fear. Only through forgiveness can you move forward with your life, because without forgiveness, the anger and fear and emotional turmoil continue to consume you and everything you do. Without forgiveness there is no peace.

I certainly understand why you feel so strongly, Linda; but I must ask you to consider the effect of discouraging forgiveness. When you either lambaste someone for forgiving, or when you so vehemently advocate against it, your words advocate more hatred, more anger and endless emotional upheaval. I know in my heart that you don't really want that for anyone.

I wrote an article as an answer to a visitor's question on the issue of forgiveness in my June 2007 issue of Barriere Bits E-zine. It's worth a gander. You'll need to subscribe (it's free) through my subscription page. Once you sign up, you'll have access to my back issues through a link in the e-mail you will receive as a subscription confirmation—but first, make sure you actually confirm your subscription; Canadian law makes this step necessary (you'll have that ability through a different e-mail once you sign up). If you are already a subscriber, you'll find the link toward the bottom of any issue of Barriere Bits in your e-mail Inbox.

When you are on the Back Issues page, just click onto the link titled June 17, 2007 -- Barriere Bits, Issue #001 -- Grandparents vs parental rights.

Linda, before I close, I must say that you otherwise do an excellent job of posting supportive and encouraging comments to the other contributors on this site. I hope you will continue to do so. Your absence would be noticed and sorely missed.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir
Apr 05, 2008
 Forgiveness
by: Emily

I believe that no one can tell you to forgive; the last article about how you must forgive to have peace.....not necessarily.

I believe you must heal within yourself and realize that you didn't deserve to be hurt. I have turned to God to help me, "Look to Jesus not the Storm". So focusing on the abuser isn't healthy...because then you re-live the abuse over and over again.

If someone truly repents and is sorry, forgiveness is required....if they are not sorry and do not repent.....I say, forgivness isn't the right term.....it is more of a letting go...it wasn't your fault.

Focusing on living a good life now and setting boundaries and not allowing others to hurt you....and focusing on what is good....not allowing the abuse to keep you in the darkness of resentment and despair. Maybe letting go is another term for forgiveness.....but I don't think forgiveness means continuuing to see the abuser.....and it doesn't mean minimzing what he or she did.

Apr 06, 2008
 i will pray
by: kayla

I will pray every night that this will not happen agian to you or her

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this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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