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Feb 22, 2009
Yes you ARE lovable...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Jen, you said you tried getting help but they didn't believe you, even though you had physical marks. I don't know who you went to, but it wasn't to someone who could actually help you. I strongly suggest you contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about the abuse you are still dealing with. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose the abuse. Jen, you don't deserve to be mistreated. And yes, you ARE lovable; I'm so happy you see that. Don't ever believe otherwise, because you really are lovable and very deserving of love.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Feb 22, 2009
Hi Darlene
by: Jen

hey darlene,
Well my friend and her mother are like my family as i said..and her mother called children and youth..those are supose to be professionals for the bucks county area of PA..They absoultely did nothing except take my parents side..And they end at the end of February.So hopefully i can get better help.. That number you were talking about,if i tell them what goes on do they say anything to anyone else?? becuase I dont like when things get back to my parents because that just makes things worse for me..i will try that number like you said!! and thank you!! but i get told that im really not loveable,and that im a piece of wasted life..I mean my friends family tells me im loveable,but my so called family says im worthless in life,soo i feel upset..

Thanks again!!!

Jen

From Darlene: Jen, I suggest you check out the website link I included for more details about what to expect. And just to re-iterate, no matter what your family says, you ARE lovable.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Feb 22, 2009
i wish you safety
by: touched2mysoul

I was a child once... felt some of what you described... remember all to well not wanting my parents finding out that i had told because it would mean worse things for me when i got home...
I wish you safety and a soft loving place to land. You are in my thoughts and prayers ... i wish you the best

Feb 22, 2009
Monsters for parents...and a willing enabler for an uncaring system
by: Anonymous

Jen, what your family did to you is nothing short of cruelty. I can relate. My parents abused me and everyone outside of their house has always loved them. Your family is wrong; you are not worthless, you are not a piece of wasted life! You are loveable and beautiful! Even your friends and their parents are right and so is Darlene! Tell somebody and keep telling before it's too late! Don't wait too long!

Feb 24, 2009
I will pray for you
by: June L.

Dear Jen, You are already a survivor! The courage and strength you have by reaching out is one of the biggest steps. I am too a survivor. I never dreamed my life would be as good as it is today. Tha faith of a mustard seed is all it takes. I Promise. You will be with me in my prayers. If you evr need to talk I will listen and advocate in any way I can.

Feb 26, 2009
June L.
by: Jen1

Heyy,
Thank you!! but i dont find that i did anythingg good,because no one seems to believe me about my abuse..There is more abuse then what i told in this little section..I was actually sexual abused by my older brother about 5-6 years ago..and as i said im 15..but thanks..and I wish there was some way we could talk outside of this website!!! i really hate postingg things!! just incase..all i can say is comment me backk if ya can and i'll try somethingg...i dont know yet..i mean i dont want to get band from this website but!! uhmmm yeahhh.. i would like to talk to you if youd can..I wanna try and find out information.since you said that your a survivor..but i dont know to what kind of abuse!

thank you soooooo muchh...!!!


Jen

Feb 26, 2009
Stay Smart Not Strong!
by: June L.

It's a little confusing of a title I know. To me it means even if I'm not feeling strong I can sometimes "fake it till I make it". What I continuosly need to do is stay smart and focused.Don't give up Jen, I will be here as long as you need me. I understand the aggravation sometimes for all the privacy laws, But ultimately it is here for our protection. I try to think of it as my "secret safe" place that no one can invade. We have all been invaded enough. I wish I could talk to everyone who has been abused personally. This is good start. Just think without this web site I might never have met you at all. I feel very blessed I have. As for my own abuse I am soon writing my story. I did a few days ago, but i didn't add a title and I lost the whole thing. ARRRRRG! Oh well it's pretty easy to rewrite, I just didn't want to write a book like I'm doing now. Please Jen1 write me any time and I will respond soon.God Bless & God Speed I'm only a click away. June L.

Feb 27, 2009
I really dont know anymore..
by: Jen

It's not that confussingg.Like I dont understand why people have to be abusive..The thing that gets me is that my so called parents say abuse is so wrong but they do it..Like I really wanna say something to people who can help,but Im just soo terrified,bcuz no one seems to believes me..and like it just makes my abuse even worse..Like my safe place is my bestest friends house..What do the laws like mean??? Im like tired of beingg strong when in the long runit does me nothing but badd..Yeah,I wish too!! No offense but how is this a good start?? i mean we cant talk outside of this website..blahh..i hate it!! and thats true,we may of never met,but im glad we did!! Why do you feel blessed about it?? im nothingg,i mean im worthless to a lot of people.. What happened?? Ohh Myyy Lordd,you lost your whole storyy?? thats not cool!! well thats good,that its easy to rewrite.!! whyy?? books are funn,except i dont like reading them,but i'd read yous!!
I will write you,i like talkingg to you!! I hope your only a click away!!! uhmm yeahh,im about to give you my email me if it means getting band from this website..

i kinda like talking to you,even though i dont know you!!!

talk to you soooon

Jen

Note from Darlene: Jen, including your email address will result in me removing it. No comment goes live on this site without prior approval from me. This is for your safety. You don't know to whom who you are leaving personal information. There are pedophiles out there who look for young people like you who are vulnerable and needing someone to talk to. It is for this reason I have implemented this rule. June understands that, and she has graciously offered her time to you via this site; I suggest you embrace the opportunity.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Feb 28, 2009
June
by: Jen

heyy June,
The comment above is for you...comment backk please...

and i have news for you..and lotz of it...!!!

Feb 28, 2009
I'm Still Here
by: June L.

Hi Jen, I'm glad you wrote back. How are you doing? I myself was 15yrs. old when I left my abusive "home". I was scared to death. I am 39yrs. old now, and sometimes wonder what if I just stayed in that "home"? It's only three more years, I'll be 18and can move far away. Then other times I thank God that I left when I did and got the help and support that I needed, but thought "I" was not worthy of at that time. I can't say I know exacly what your feeling. I know what I had was anger, hate, rage, fear and all those negative feelings that go with. I sill do have anger sometimes when I hear about other people being abused. Now I try to listen and help others, if not directly than indirectly like with us. I will not let you feel alone, and I will write to you unless you choose for me not to.I too felt unworthy of any good. Now I know there is good and if I am a blessing then certainly you are too. It's harder for us survivors to believe we are important and loved. I feel maybe just maybe you feel this. If not I hope you stay on this page until you do. I really enjoy talking to you. You are one of the messengers for abuse survivors. We are already strong beyond belief. Any time you want to talk, or just vent I am here.Still in my prayers, June L.

Feb 28, 2009
Yayyy!!
by: Jen

heyy,
Im always going to write back! im NOT doing good at all.How about yourself?? Well these so called professionals wont remove me from my home because my parents are really good with putting on an act in front of them.I hate them sooooo much.I really hope they die.I cant wait till im 18..ohh thats exactly how I feel,and so much more,but nothing good.Thats nice,that you try and help others!Either way it helps! Honestly and before I met you I felt soo alone,and I still sometimes do.I will NEVER say you cant write to me!! Well your not unworthy!!Well I never feel that way at all..Ohh yes,I do feel that,because no one shows me otherwise.I will always for now on be on this page!! I enjoy talking to you 2!! Well thanks!!

Well tonight my dad decides to take off his leather belt and wipe me across my face with it.Only because I told my little brother to stop flipping me off.And my little hit me in my butt,so I like didnt hit him hard but I like smacked him on the back.And all my mother does is yell and yell at me.And like my father use to be my protector from the abuse,not his my worse enemy.He use to never let anything bad happen to me,but now hes on my mothers side,because she threatened him with a divorce..So now they both abuse me badlyy.And they told me to leave because I was a mistake to have.They think that just because I was born all of their problems happened because of me..And like I kind of cut myself sometimes.and I bang my head against walls.Just no one knows how badly i wanna die.I mean I really,really,really wanna die..I just dont want to be here anymore..I dont know...

write backkkk


Jen

Mar 02, 2009
How was your weekend??
by: Jen

Heyy,
How was your weekend?? soo its monday and I was sooo hoping for school..but we have about 7 inches of snow.and all schools for are closed..im sooo upsett..soo i now im hopefully going to be running all day!! most deffinitly not though!! haha..but yesterday I was kinda proud of myself..I run everydayy,and I've tryed runnning for 3miles but I could never,soo yesterdayy I made it..I ran 3miles!!!! yay..sooo anythingg new happen with you???

I have a question for you..I wont ask you if you dont want me too..


Do write backkk!!!

Mar 02, 2009
Hey Jen!
by: June L.

It's MONDAY! There is about 7 inches of snow where I am too. t's a BIG bummer because I had so many plans I had to cancel today. Oh well tomorrow is a new day. I'm glad I logged on now though. I usually don't get my check-in with you until night. Today for some reason it came early, which is very cool. Have you ever tried calling the police when you are being abused, or about to be? This is what I've always told my children. Jen there is NO excuse for abuse. The more calls you make, the more you ask for help, the more people who know, te better. I'm not sure what references you have where you are. Maybe Darlene can help with this. I just know I want to get a letter from you one day saying you are safe and happy. This CAN happen. You are so courageous just talking about it. Think of your future and the story you WILL tell. Maybe we could write a book together. It's not impossible. Please get somewhere safe. You remind me alot of myself at your age. I had the same family, theycould talk their way out of ANYTHING. It took me a looooong time to realize there IS help,I deserve safety. Please talk to Darlene, She seems really safe, and maybe can provide more reources here you live.I wish I personally could be there to hold your hand. I still tell my children when you are weak, I am there holding you. Don't think I'm not.You are in my thoughts and prayers more often than you know. So when you feel weak I am there. As for my weekend, I helped a friend move blah)!Oh well it's done. I watched the new movie out Taken. It was pretty good, kinda sad. Not much else. By the way, you can ask me anything. Thats why I'm here. I really haven't told you much about me, so ask away.I wish these posted in less time,but I understand the reasoning behind it.Me, my favorite color is hunter green,I love raising my children, playing piano. I love to clean, but hate to cook. I love to ski,and swim. My favorite food is salmon. My kids think I'm "old", even though I can run faster. I now believe God, new member since 2006. I am a cancer survivor(cervical). I volunteer alot. My passion is working with challenged kids. There thats a start. Anything else just ask, k? I still try to find my "happy" place when my nightmares come back. Maybe you can find one and let me know when you do. It's all up to you.We all have our coping skills. Let me know if I can help in any way Jen. Hope to hear from you soon. Thank you for helping to keep me strong. Yes Jen you do,you just do. Its the cool powers we survivors have. Get safe, and stay safe. June .

Mar 02, 2009
well
by: Jenn

heyy..
I honestlyy just had a thought in my head and now i lost it!! i hate when that happens..I have thought about calling the police.and i have done it before,so im not affraid.!! dang it..just had another thought and lost it..I dont remember exactly what you sayd..but I can say one thing THANKS SOOOOO MUCH.. and where i live we had about 8.2-8.3"!! i think maybe less..I hate the snow..we kinda have the same likes!! except i hate food,i dont have kids,and im not 39!! haha..well im actually crying right now..well because i was with my friend today,and they had invited me to stay for dinner since they missed my birthday,and i call my mother and she goes f*** no,well my friends grandmom calls,and my mother goes ohhh yeahh sure..and when i got home i got yelled at like there was no tomorrow,and i got hit a few times..but anywhoo..
How old are you children?? Do you live like in Pa?? just wonderingg,cuz i do!! lol..im tryingg to find a safe spot..I know my friends house is one..but im now and was grounded till im 18..and im real close to telling my mother to go f*** herself and put her in her place..and just i dont know..but I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters..1 older brother,1 older sister, 1 younger brother, and 1 younger sister..sooo im stuck in the middle..
i dont have much time to talk..but i'll finish later tonight!!! im scaredd sooo muchh

Mar 02, 2009
Happy Late Birthday
by: June L.

Hey Darlene is getting pretty quick at sending these comments out. Thank you Darlene. Well I have three kids. My oldest boy is 13 1/2, my daughter will be 10 in April, and my youngest boy is 8 all years by the way. I am the oldest of three. My sister was 4mos. old when she died, and my brother was 3 mos. old when he died. I've sometimes blamed myself and God because I am still alive. Then I finally realized my "calling" with the birth of my first son, when I was 26yrs. old. It took me a long time to trust. All of my children are from different fathers, so I guess I still had a trust issue huh? I am now on my second marriage. He is not the father of any of my kids, but they call him dad. He is more of a dad then any of their fathers. I am not putting their fathers down, it' just the way it worked out.I'm so happy you got to spend some time with your friend today. I am not happy you had to pay the hard price when you got home. Would your friends parents help if you needed them to? Keep advocating for yourself Jen, your doing great even if it's just by writing to me. Prayers WORK Jen, and I won't stop praying for you. I bet you can't wait for school tomorrow. I used to love school too. Sometimes to just "get away". It is still snowing here. ARRRRRRGGGH! I really miss the other seasons, really. Even my kids (who LOVE snow days) are getting bored with it. I am a little further up north. So when your at the beach, I'll probably still be shoveling. lol. Jen what can you do when your scared? Is there anything that relaxes you? I write poems, or play games on the computer. My "new" fav. is wordscape, I'm addicted to it. I hope you have a better day tomorrow. Just write about anything and I'll listen. I ramble on quite a lot, but thats ok. Well I hope you run another three miles tomorrow. Can you run three for me? jk. Do something nice for yourself this week. Who cares what others think, just do one FUN thing. Sometimes our moods can be ruined so easily, but if we don't let people know this, then they are the ones sitting back saying WTF! So there. Thats what I do (sometimes). Have sweet dreams, write back soon. TAKE CARE OF JEN, June L.

Mar 02, 2009
heres the rest!!
by: Jenn

im sorryyy i couldnt finish my other comment..Are you like cure now for the cancer?? im sorryyy.. Could I ask you a question about something..i dont think you would know,but im gonna take a shot at it.. Do you know anything about Emancipation??? i think i spelt it wrong.but its somethingg where you can legally move out at the age of 16..but you have to go to court..

im real close to sayingg somethingg but i dont know yet!! i will say this,that your actingg more as a momishh towards me then my actual mother!!

Mar 02, 2009
Hey
by: June L.

I think you spelled it right. I'm not sure about the laws from state to state. Where I'm from you have to be 16 with parents consent. You need to have a job and or be in school. Do you have any relatives that might help? I can look up more for you to see what else we could do. Awwwww thats very sweet what you said about me. I had a surrogate mom when I was younger. Meaning my own was not very motherly at all. It's hard, but we reach out where we feel safe. I wish sometimes I had my mom now. I just know I'm being the best mom I can be. Yes my cancer is kinda in remission now, only a few probs. Death doesn't scare me , I just don't wanna lose my hair. I have "nice" hair. Please Jen kep talking to people, sometimes people are ignorant. Just keep talking. Just think one day you might be like me (I never shut up). Your a wonderful, smart girl Jen. Keep writing. I'll write you a poem sometime if my kids will let me concentrate. Talk soon, June L.

Mar 03, 2009
Hope You Had A Great Day!
by: June L.

Hey girl. I hope you had a good,if not great day. I have to play catch up from yesterday. We got too much snow, and today it's freezing.(19 degrees). Our roads are still terrible. At least it's sunny. Hey how about groups where you live. Are there any? I'm not a big group person myself, but the more I go, the easier it is. Just finding that one safe person for me was cool. Someone I could call anytime made the difference sometimes.Well it's just a thought. I will look more into what you asked about immancipation. It's okay to be sad sometimes, and have fear. We just need to throw some happiness and fun in too. Hey how do you confuse a blonde? Give her a pack of m&m's and have her put them in alphabetical order. Don't worry I am blonde, I can pick on me if I want. My kids told me this joke, (they are sooo cute). Well I gotta do a bunch of stuff. I'll be home around 5:30pm. June L.

Mar 03, 2009
Heyy
by: Jenn

Heyy,
Im going to be responding to your other comments soon.im trying to responde to both in one comment!! its hard!!Im in school..so far from reading your comments around 6 this morning made my day great!! Soo far soo good,that is until i get home!!but I dont know about any groups around where I live..I really dont like them at all,becuase like I dont know who im really telling soo I dont know..But I am going to be doing a lot of research!! Im a blonde too.. And I dont get that joke!! Now I am confussed!!! haha!! oh well!! I hope you have a great day too!!!
They sound cute too!!! (your kids)!! lol...

Mar 03, 2009
For Jen and June:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Thought I'd pass along to the two of you a little bit of information that might make the flow of communication a tad easier. At the very least, you'll understand more about what happens on my end.

I'm on Pacific Daylight Savings Time, so I'm 3 hours behind both Pennsylvania and Maine. As I write this, it's 6:25 a.m. I check for comments on my site about every 20 minutes or so throughout the day, unless I'm running errands or traveling; then the time between checks is considerably longer. Once I read the comments left by my visitors and determine there is no personal identifiable information in the comment, inappropriate language, etc., I approve it to go live on my site. But sometimes, especially during busy Internet hours, it can take several hours for the comment to actually appear on my site; this I have no control over. So if there are delays, it could be for that reason.

Jen: As I've mentioned a couple of times already, it really is a good idea to get in touch with Child Help (the link and the phone number are included in my very first post to you) when your father (or mother) incorporates abusive "discipline". Child Help can provide you with the number to call for your local Child Protective Service (CPS). Your call is confidential. But you have to be the one to make that call, Jen. Through this thread, you will get a great deal of support, especially from June, who has been doing a great job of mentoring; but June, nor I, nor anyone else on this site can provide you with safe sanctuary when you are being physically and emotionally abused. I would not call the police; I would call CPS. But start with Child Help.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir


Mar 03, 2009
Hey Girls
by: June L.

Thank you Darlene for your comment to Jen. The more supports, the better. I will also say, you, Darlene are doing a GREAT job with getting these comments posted as fast as you do.Jen I'm so glad your having a good day. Remember we have the power not to let ANYONE ruin that. Your doing great. Just keep advocating for yourself. Your an inspiration to me. Talk to you soon. June L.

Mar 03, 2009
Darlene & June!!
by: Jenn

Heyy,
I know what youve said before.But im already in enough crap with my parents from calling CPS here..And where I am its Children and Youth..And they have done nothing..Im not calling anyone anymore,becuase it has gotten me in soo much trouble..They actually end today soo Im happy..And I know no-one can help me with me being emotionally and physically abused..well I hope you know what I mean by that!! because I dont know how to phrase it..No im not being mean just I've already tried getting elp and it didnt work at all..Soo Im gonna start looking up information about Emancipataion thingyy,because when I turn 16 thats what I want done!!But ohkay!!

June- Im goingg out running for a while!! but I will hopefully get back on the computer tonight before my mother gets home..I have to make dinner but I dont know what to make!! Any ideas?? haha!! just kidding!! Buy I wrote a page to you (front and back) that im gonna post in a comment to you later..just i need to go out for a while and get my thoughts together.. But like the middle of the day my day has gotten ruined..soo now im like really upset!! becuase around noon is when i started writing my page to you and it made me said!! hehe!!

talk to you both soon!!!

Mar 03, 2009
How was your day??!!
by: Jen

Heyy,
My day was good in the morning but then the afternoon came my it all changed..But I dont have much time till my mother gets home soo,i'll make this one chort and others normal size!! IF you remember lastnight I told you I had to pay the price with my mother..Well she had lots to drink soo she was drunk..But all she did was yell like there was no tomorrow,and she didnt beat me hard but then she did sooo..yeah... but what I said to you is how I truely feel..Do you think I should someone?? honestlyy..but like I dont need anymore crap going on,i have enough already.and like I already got in massive trouble when my friends mom called the other time..and you dont have to look up information for me either..unless like you want too,but thats all up to you!! but thanks!! But heres a question. You could possibly like die or something still??? ohh noo we cant let that happen!!Just like I know if I call the abuse yet again will get really worse..OMG,I seriouslyy hate my life..No doubt about it! I'll say more laterr cuz my mother just pulled up to the house..tonights gonna be a lot of fun.. but yeahh.. I went running and its like 22-25 degrees here..and I went runningg in Shorts..I do it all the time..but today I couldnt run long..My chest started hurting really badly..Like I get chest pains all the time for some reason..but my parents wont take me to get checked out..

HOWS YOUR DAY SOO FAR??? in school we had to catch up on a lot lot work..i hate snow days!! lol..

i'll be on laterr..like around 7-730ishh.

Mar 03, 2009
I Know It's Hard/ But You Are Tough
by: June L.

I wish I had all the answers. I'm working on it real hard on what I can do on my end without breaching confidentiality on anyones privacy. You've made it this far. Your almost at the top of the hill. Hang in there for yourself, and me if you need that to kee you going. Please let me look up some info that might help out. I will write soon. I'm pretty good at this. I've done it for myself too. I hope the running helped. Talk soon, June L.

Mar 03, 2009
A Little Info.
by: June L.

Okay Jen, I found the childhelpusa hotline,1-800-422-4453. There is also a free and confidential abuse victim hotline,1-866-662-4535, hrs. 8am-4pm est.the website is help@avhotline.org. I'm not sure if that hotline will get through here.Then, there is a helpline for depression/suicide called realmentalhealth.com. You need to take your deression seriously too please. I am very happy, and honored you reached out to me, but I feel you might need more than this thread if things get too crazy. I AM STILL HERE Jen.I'm scared for you. I was in your shoes not too long ago.I finally and reluctantly got more help, and it has made a world of difference for the better. I want to help you. Please Jen, keep reaching out. I promise you it WILL pay off.It might not seem that way at all right now. Our paths have crossed and so far it has worked for the better. For everything, there is a reason nd vice versa. I know it's hard for you to trust, but please try. Someone WILL listen. Just give it yor all. Someone is waiting for your phone call right now, and will do the right thing by you.Please trust me on this one. If I am wrong I will eat my own words. There IS HELP. I personally want you to stop hurting so bad. You are needed and loved. And no Jen I'm not going to die right off. I just need to take better care of myself than I did before.You see I am a recovering alcoholic. I used to drink ALOT to drown my pain. It obviously made it worse(duh). I am going on 5mos. soberiety. I was diagnosed with cervical cancer 2.5 years ago. Go figure. So I too am getting there. Thats why I told you, you are an inspiration to me. You help keep me strong too. Well write me soon, and I'll write back. June L.

Mar 03, 2009
im done..
by: Jenn

Im sorryyyy,but im done..I flipped out on my mother tonight like i planned..uhmm the running did help..but i fell cuz of the ice,but i dont care..you can help if you want..I will not stop you..but i dont know what else to do..my therapist came tonight for the last time and she gave me such an attitude so i told her that I did not like her services at all..and I told my mother that shes rotten,she does not deserve to be a mother,that i want her out of my life forever,and that i do not need her.. Im seriously cryingg now..i dont know anymore,and i dont care..

at this very moment i wanna die and never come backk....


=(=(=(=(

Mar 03, 2009
Hey Jen
by: June L.

Can someone take you to the hospital right now? Better yet please find someone to help you. Your friends mom, someone,anyone. I have done this before. It's was scary as shit for me before, because I thought n one was listening. People will listen. Sometimes we have to take drastic measures for ourselves. You need to get help now Jen. Find some better professionals.Find someone soon.Threats of suicide are serious. Wanting to hurt yourself is a VERY SERIOUS cry for help. Please Jen I will not leave you alone.Just get some imediate help NOW.I know you feel alone, I know your scared.Talk to someone now. Write back soon.I PROMISE it WILL get better. Take care of JEN right now. I'm here, June L.

Mar 04, 2009
My comment should of been posted before
by: Jenn

heyy,
MY one comment should of bbeen posted above yours..but I guess it was a little late..Im trying sooooo hard.And NO one cares..MY friends mother is at her boyfriends which is like 2 hours away..I called her lastnight to tell her what I did but she did not answer at all..She normally doesnt if shes with him..blahhh..
Im tryingg to get help..I really am..No one finds me crying out for help,they find me lying...And lastnight was the end of my straw..You should of been here..I flipped out..andd now I lost my voice but I dont care..IM not consider family here anymore,Im not allowed to eat their food,and whatever is there im not allowed to do,but sleep on my bed and wear my clothes...Soo I dont even have money for lunch today..I dont care..And I wasnt allowed to have dinner lastnight..and its about 630 when I am writing this..

I will be back on sometime around 850-855am

and your not the only who would drink..and i use to smoke until my friends mom caught me...!! but i havent drank in a long time..

talk more laterr...

Mar 04, 2009
Well I think Im leaving my home..
by: Jenn

heyy,
Im sorry for the comment above,just Im reallyyy in a blahhh mood..Like I dont want anything to do with anyone except a few people..And like I honestly have tried getting help but no one seems to listen..What going to happen if I call the hotline?? like I dont want anything said to anyone..And What do you mean by breaching confidentialilty of privacy thingyy??? im sorry I cant spell for my life!! And like I know I need help and Im trying as hard as I can,but nothings working for me.. and well I just emailed my friends mom..when she gets home shes taking me to the police station..and i will refuse to go homee...


gotta go.. talk to you laterr tonightt!!

Mar 04, 2009
Go Jen!
by: June L.

Breach of confidentiality means I will not use your name, or where I know you from etc. I just ask questions like I'm asking them for myself. That would be awesome if your friends mom will help. It is called neglect for your parents to refuse you food. Neglect is also a form of abuse, and sadly one of the more common, unreported ones. As your parents, they are to provide you food, clothing, education, and most of all safety. I feel very priviledged to have you trust me. I feel good about today for you Jen. Your doing great. Don't think of it as an end. Think about it as the beginning of Jen's life. I'm here and will be until I know your safe, and beyond k? June L.

Mar 04, 2009
OOOOOOPS!
by: June L.

The hotlines you call are confidential. If they feel you are in immediate harm, they can intervene. This is of course for your safety. I meant of course to put that in with the last comment.

Mar 04, 2009
Ohkayyy!!
by: Jenn

heyy,
How are you??? Do what you gotta do..You can use my name since you dont know my lastname!! well at least I hope!! haha...Yeahh Im like seriously done living where I am!! I just flipped on my father becuase he started with me backing my mother up..Soo I flipped..But I mean I know they will think Im in danger and I know they will intervene..!! but anywho..I know its Neglect..I read up on everythingg about abuse as possible!! But My teach gave me like 2$ to eat..she like knows me well enough,and she told me that I can talk to her about anything and she wont tell anyone unless I tell her he can,unless I get hurt like by knives or somethingg..which Id say something then..But I told her what happened lastnight and she gave me a few bucks!!

Did I tell you what happened lastnight?? like everythingg...?? I dont remember..

From Darlene: Jen, one of your comments that I removed above makes me realize I must now intervene and set some boundaries for you. June is mentoring you, and that's terrific, but I'm warning you, do not attempt to hold any contributor, including June, hostage to this thread. It is up to June to answer if she chooses to. She has a family and her own needs to tend to as well. You've been given MANY options to get help, but you've chosen not to go to those resources; that's your prerogative. Now you have your teacher, who is LEGALLY obligated to inform the authorities if you disclose any abuse. As harsh and firm as this sounds, I will not permit you to make June or anyone on this site feel obligated. If June wants to continue to mentor you, that's her prerogative. That's the deal here. I have to protect ALL my visitors while they are on this site. Jen, do we have an understanding?

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Mar 04, 2009
Darlene
by: Jenn

hi,
What did I say?? I mean Im not making anyone feel anythingg..Shes choosingg..But ohlayy..You used a lot of big words that I dont know..Im sorryyy..But ohlay..I will stop talkingg.. Well maybee..But I honestly dont know what you mean..but I guess I understand..I choose not to do things because I know the issues I will have afterwards..

Im not making anyone do anything eitherr..

From Darlene: It was the begging, Jen, begging for June to respond in a way that sounded to me as though you were so desperate that you might consider doing something desperate if she didn't write back. Your comment that you "don't like people who break promises" sounded a bit threatening. I gather by your response above that that is not what you meant. That's one of the problems with emails and communicating online; it's very easy to misinterpret the person's intentions. So I apologize if you did not mean to say what you said in a threatening or desperate way.

Yes, June makes her own choices and I don't speak for her, but I also know that when a person is very concern over another person's well-being, it is very easy for manipulation to become a problem; and that concerns me. June cares about you; of that I have no doubt. I don't want to see either of you hurt because of this thread and what is said within it. I see June as a mentor to you; and I see you as someone who really needs mentoring and support. But when you write things like "I'm done", it sends a message that you might be thinking about doing harm to yourself. That's why June and I have continued to provide you with resources to contact. Yes, I understand when you say you are afraid. I've been there. I too experienced what you are now experiencing and then some. But when I was 13, 14, 15, and 16 there were no agencies to call that would provide me with someone to talk to. They have those in place now. As for my use of long words, when I used the words "your prerogative", it was really saying "your choice in the matter."

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Mar 04, 2009
Darlene
by: Jenn

hi again!
Im not desperate..and if she didnt talk to me I wouldnt harm myself over that,yeah dont get me wrong I will be very upset,and I will wonder what I did,but I would not harm myself over that..and When I say Im done I dont neccessarily mean Im gonna kill myself or something,it just means like im done handling,or being strong,or stuff like that..Yes sometimes it does mean I wanna die,but I would not take a knife to myself..Im like not that stupid.. I wasnt neccessarily begging..I was simply saying I dont like Promise breakers..Because I have trust issues,sooo yeahh..

And I like knew what you meant by pergragative thingyyy!!! I know there wasnt people back then to help..And I know all you guys are doing is trying to help,and I APPRECIATE that 100% all the way..

And talking over the internet is like a really bad communication system because people get the wrong ideas..

But Im honestly telling the truth I was not begging for June to talk to me at all..Its her choice.she wants to talk she can,Im not going to stop her from anythingg..I kind of know when its too far with things..but anywho...

But I do understand where your coming from with things..Next time,if there is a next time..I will try and rephrase things soo no one takes it the wrong wayy...!!!

Thanks for clearing that up,because like I was sooo confused,I like didnt know what I did!!!

From Darlene: Jen, very I'm glad we got that cleared up and that you understand where I'm coming from. You deserve dignity and respect, encouragement and support; and June has certainly shown that she is willing to give that to you. I wish there was more time in the day for me to provide more as well, but there isn't. So when people like June are willing to mentor, then I'm all for it. I really and truly do want you to get what you need because you deserve that.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Mar 04, 2009
Hey Jen,
by: June L.

I'm still here. How did everything go today? Things will get better, and easier if you keep reaching out. The teacher could be a very good support too. Alot of teachers are trained better now, to see warning signs of abuse. They know what to ask, and look for. Alot of times teachers and others will try to work with families and get them even more support.If anything I'm sure your teacher will be there for you. Money for lunch is a start.I hope you find someone you can confide in who is closer. Sometimes I feel you might need that immediate response. As I told you, I am here. I want you, Jen to get a little more support too.(If only one person). I myself now have that one person I can tell ANYTHING to. And no it's not my hubby. I have big trust issues, but I managed to find that "one". I'm not saying it happens overnight. What have you got to lose with this teacher? Well just think realistically what you have to gain. If it can't get much worse, it can only get better. Darlene is real. She wants you safe, as do I.I'll write soon, June L.

Mar 05, 2009
Now Im like sorta confused!
by: Jenn

Heyy,
It wasnt a good day and it wasnt a worse day..I mean things did happen but Im able to handle it my way..!! Im sorry if it may feel like im giving an attitude..im truely not just people really know how to tick me off big time..and just i dont know..and I know darlene is real,i never said anythingg.. I knwo people want me to be safe,and im tryingg to get safe,believe me..im trying a 100%..Im not one person with 2 hands..and so far its workingg..and i mean it can not get any worse then it is..

by the way I just got your comment this morning like 2 minutes before I had to leave for school..I fell asleep at like 7-715 lastnightt..

How was your day???

This morning my mother came down into the kitchen and she tryed talking to me..I ignored her..She goes down into our basement and brings up food..She tells me that even though Im not allowed to eat I still had to make dinner..Im like whatever..and she goes what did you father tell you lastnight about saying whatever to me (meaning her)..Im like ohkayy..And she goes you say yes mom or ohkay mom..Im like NO..and she flips out on me.Im like sooo..soooo this morning was funny on my end..
but im school..I dont think Im coming back on laterr todayy though...Im normally up in my room all night after my mother gets home..

soo yeahhh!!!

Mar 05, 2009
when you get the chance
by: Jenn

Heyy,
Do you feel forced to talk to me?? Am I like doing anything to make you feel like you have to talk to me,and if you dont talk to me that Id do harm myself or something?? Because Im not making you do anythinggg...And I dont want you to feel like im doinggg anythinggg..and just lettingg you know that you better do for y ou first not me..I appreciate everythingg your doingg but I feel that Im making you talk to me..but HONESTLY and TRUELYY if you dont wanna talk,then you dont have to..I mean granted I will be upset,but thats no reason to harm..sooo yeahhhh..
I am not tryingg to do anythingg..But if you feel that im making you talk to me,please let me know..!!

So how was your day???

Mar 05, 2009
Hey Girl
by: June L.

Don't even worry about me feeling obligated (feeling like I have to talk to you). I don't feel that way at all. I do not do anything I don't want to do. Well maybe besides get up sooo early in the morning, and dishes.Talking with you is part of my day now. Whether you have time to repond or not, I have chose to keep in touch. I wish I could be there personally to advocate for all abuse victims. I guess one of my callings is to advocate any way I can. I love typing with you. We are on an abuse site, so not everything is going to be rainbows.(happy).Anger, and sadness, are emotions. It's what we do with them that counts. I like to listen to music, or write,when I'm mad or sad. Sometimes it makes me feel better. What are some things you do? I've also tried this. Write down something positive everyday (about yourself). Now you have to write it ten times in the morning,afternoon,and night, for ten days. On the tenth day, you wll actually believe it. Just try it okay? It's a pretty cool thing I was taught in one of my groups a few years ago. My kids have tried it. As much as they like to admit I'm cool sometimes, they thought it was(pretty cool).So yeah. Well you gotta eat too k? You gotta stay healthy. Did you eat at school? Just to let you know, I tried to respond earlier, but the screen on this site was just all white. So I hope you get this message tomorrow. Your doing a great job Jen. I write soon. June L.

Mar 05, 2009
Heyy..
by: Jenn

Well I do worryy because I dont want anything happeningg..Haha..Same here..(with doing things!!) Talking with you is a part of my day too now!! and I like it!! I normally have time,but sometimes I dont because of my mother..ohkay so im not making you keep in touch?? Honestly I wish you were here too personally..Totally,i love typing to you too!! That is true,everything isnt going to be happy.But I feel like sometimes I may show to much sadness or anger..I love listening to music.I dont even really ever watch tv anymore..I like to write too,but it has to be like what has happened or somethingg!! I normally go out and walk around my neighborhood,i'd go in my room and lock my door & just sit there and cry..I will try that..That does sound like a good idea.. My parents dont seem to think that I have to eat,and im only about 92lbs at 15 years old.. Im in like excellent shape,just i dont think im healthyy!! It was seriouslyy just white??? ewww,i wonder whyy!! I did sortaa kinda eat todayy in school..I had a bag of frosted flakes,and grapes..
do you listen to delilah at night??? thats what i listen to everynightt..i dont know like what radio station she is for you or what time she plays..but here shes on b101,and shes on from like 8pm-1am..i love listening to her show!!!
anywho i have news for you..

soo i talked to my friends mom today and she said that she will take me to the police station.and she will do anythingg that she needs to,to help me leave..she has somewhat witnessed some of my abuse incidents..sooo..

and i maybe goingg to court soon..well not for a while probablyyy...

i'll be backk on in the morningg..

Mar 05, 2009
A POEM
by: June L.

I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.What I can do, I should do. And what I should do, by the grace of God, I will. Pretty cool poem once I understood it all. Well talk soon. June L.

Mar 06, 2009
Awww..!!!
by: Jenn

Heyy,
Thats a really cute poem..but I really dont understand it..blahhh im a blondee,soo no need for a comment on my stupidity!!! haha...

im getting ready to go off to school...
i'll be on around 855....

Thanks

Mar 06, 2009
Delilah
by: June L.

I don't think we have her around here. I've googled her name and came up with nothing like it. I love that song though. My 9y. old gets me hooked on a lot of music I probably would not have listened to before. Keep thinking positive. You are doing great. Like I said before, I was a lot like you when I was 15(anger, depression,etc.) I look now and think what the.... I gave my abuse power, when I had the power over it all along. We all do Jen. Well,well, well, I have some counseling to do this morning, and a drs. appt. I will "type " back soon. EAT okay? Smiles and rainbows. June L.

Mar 06, 2009
ehhhh!!
by: Jenn

None of the comments are showingg.Ive gotten emails saying they were posted but when I check on the site nothings there..Im soo lost in life though..well I can NOT believe its the weekend already..I hate the weekends soooooo much..

How was your week all together??? hehe..

Mar 06, 2009
Clarification on automated notifications...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Jen, my visitors get notification of a "posted" comment, as you did this morning, but it is really only saying that a comment was added to the thread. Unfortunately, the system (which I have no control over) does not wait until after I approve the comment before the notification is sent; it is sent when the comment is submitted. It's confusing, and a flaw in the system that I do hope will some day be rectified. Just remember, I'm 3 hours behind you and June. This morning I slept in till 6:30 a.m., so I didn't approve any comments until after that time. Also, as I mentioned in another post a couple of days ago or so, sometimes the server takes time (several hours in some cases) in bringing comments live on the site even after I've approved them. This can be due to site maintenance.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Mar 06, 2009
2 comments in 1!! June & Darlene!!
by: Jenn

June: That stinks..I think,well I dont know what I think right now!! I dont like that song!! ewwwwyyy!!! haha!!! but anywho,thanks for the encouragement!! I am sorta eatingg..I ordered myself Chinese lastnight but i think my mother has trashed my left overs..But I know,I know,Smiles and rainbows!!! Im tryingg soooo hardd... But your a consuler?? i think I spelt that wrong too!!! Ohkayyy..I'll be here whenever!! I cant believe its the weekend!! right at this very moment Im eating Mint Chocolate Chip Ice-Cream!!! yummmmmyyyyy in my tummmmyyyyyy!!!¢¾

Darlene: I was wondering why I was getting notifactions and nothing was showingg!! But I understand now.. And I know your like 3 hours behind..My aunt is 3 hours behind 2!!! haha!! but ohkay I will keep that in mind whenever I get notifactions!!! I really dont like computers but im addicted to the internet!!! hehehe!!!

From Darlene: Glad you understand, Jen. It always helps to know how the system works. :-) Hope you (and June) have a good weekend.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Mar 06, 2009
ohh yess darlene!!
by: Jenn

heyy again!!

I 1000% understand!! and it does help to understand how the system works!! And I hope you have agood weekend 2!!! :D

Mar 06, 2009
Hey Jen
by: June L.

I'm happy to hear your eating. I'm a little jealous, (mint choco. ice cream & chinese),buuut I'll survive. I learn to like a lot of songs because of my daughter, even though I don't like the song, confused yet? Me too.No I'm not a counselor(yet). I had counseling for me. I advocate for others,but with no degree,(only experience).Anyway it went good.I'm actually going to be getting another "job" at a local hospital in the pshyc. unit. I really enjoy voluteering, so I don't consider it a job. This weekend, I really don't have much going on. I don't know, something spontanious probably. What are you doing? Well my daughter wants to "borrow" the computer to download music. Oh boy. Write ya back soon. June L.

Mar 06, 2009
heyyy
by: Jenn

Heyy,
Well I have a feeling that after 5pm I will not be allowed to eat anymore..Bcuz my little sister decides to start a fight with me and she hit me in my chest so I hit her in her arm,and of course she goes cryingg to her mommyyy..(i hate my family soo much)..And shehas the nerve to tell me to get out of the house if I didnt want to be here.I was like well its not that easyif your therapist had told you mother to call the police if I ever ran away.Soo its not that easyy.. And its whatever.. why are you jealous?? haha!! and yeah a little confussed!! what kind of music do you listen too??? and I like volunteeringg too!! I had it helpful and sorta fun!!and thats not bad..I wanna become a trauma doctor!! I love all the blood and all..And I love being around people sometimes..Everyone thinks I want to do that for he money but Im not in anything for moneyy..My friends mom(aka my 2nd mommy) would have me do things for her and shed try to give me moneyy,but I refuse to take it,and she gets mad,bcuz she has to give her biological daughter money just to get her to do things..And soo I dont need moneyy from anyone,yess granted they are trying to repay but jsut me you care and I'll be fun!! but anywho,thats cool (what you do)..Well Im probably going to the police station this weekend,bcuz I've had enough crap from these people..My father goes and threatens me over the phone,im like what you cant say it to my face..and he hangs up on me.. I love being spontineous!!! (yes,i know i spelt that way wrong!!) But I dont know what to expect when I go to the police station.. Can I ask you something?? I dont know if its an ohkay question but i wanna see..What did you do when you were my age to get removed???? I jsut wanna see soo I can maybe do the same..You dont have to answer if it makes you feel uncomfortable..I'll understand..and ohkayy!! Tell her to have fu,and to watch what she downloads..bcuz I download a lot of music and certain songs arent the right song!!! haha,bet she already knows that!!! Haha,it'll be ohkayy,no need to say oh boy!!!!

p.s-when i say "bcuz" it means because!! i dont like typing the whole word out!!

I feel like seriouslyy cryingg..well i gotta go to make dinner.its probably my last meal for a while.. And thats what they do to punish me..they let me starve for about 5-6 days..maybe a little longerr..

Mar 06, 2009
Hey
by: June L.

Yes I was removed from my "home" when I was 15yrs. old by Childrens Services.It was hard, but not really for me. I had just had enough, and I wanted to live. I finally got my story on if you want to read it. I have a story of abuse, and one of healing.I don't mind talking it about it now. Before I would block it out, make up some imaginary life, like it never happened.("fantasy life)".I found out, in order to raise my children right, I had to be honest with myself.I was teaching them honesty, but I was one of the biggest liars.Long story short,It didn't last long.My children know a little more where I came from, than what I had made up. Of course in age appropriate terms.They are very understanding, and understand in their own ways. We have a notes of encouragement box, and they are soooo cute, and smart might I add. Well as for music, I like all types, country is probably my fav.I like to play piano, so I always try to see if I can play any song on it.I do okay.Well I'll get this out so you'll get it. Write me back when you can k? I love you positivity.(good thing).Talk soon June L.

Mar 06, 2009
I did..
by: Jenn

I did just read it..And Im cryinggg..I feel like my abuse is nothinggg...but now it has me really thinkinggg...I dont know what to do anymore??..I wish my family would do things like you guys do..My "so called" family is like alcoholic manicas!!(spelt wrong)..I would never want to talk about my abuse when im older..I'd be to ashamed..I dont want to go through it anymore..Im just to terrified..and in June my "so called" family planned a trip to Florida,well at first I wasnt allowed to go,now im forced to go..And my older brother is going as well..And hes the one who kinda sorta raped me when I was a little younger..Im like sooo not happyy.. I sorta like all..But I do not like jazz or blues..well I like a few songs but..I dont like country all that muchh..I like classic rock.!!

write backk

Mar 07, 2009
Im soo happy for 2morrow,but sad about...
by: Jenn

Heyy,
Im soooooo happpyyy for tomorrow..My friends mom is planning on taking a road trip to the shore tomorrow,and they said that they are taking me..Soooo im cool with that,getting me outta the house for the day!!! but im also veryyyy sadd about another thingg..
My friends mom wants me to stick here till im 16.And she will help me in my process of Emancipation..Which I need her help anyways..But I cant stick here much longer bcuz my parents are on the verge of somethingg.(dont know what though)..And she said that it would make it worse for me if I went to the police and they did nothing,which i agree with her on that 100%..but if i dont do anythingg,anythingg is bound to happen..sooo im on a loose/loose situation.. Bcuz the court/judge people person thingyy doesnt have to grant me Emancipated..And im really scared if that happens...Ive never been to court,soo i dont know what to expect and all..but im really looking information up...

Soo what are your plans for today and the rest of the weekend??? tee-hee!!!

Mar 07, 2009
Hey Jen
by: June L.

Hey girl. I've been pretty busy all day. It was supposed jut shoe shopping. Yeah right with a 10 yr. old girl. It turned into much more. She LOVES to shop, and I am exausted. It was fun at first, then I don't know it just went on and on.Can't wait until she's 15, lol.Anyway, Ialso go on an epileptic chat site. My oldest is epileptic, and I really trust this site. I learn something new every time.Not much else. It got up to 50 degrees today, thats a heatwave for us.And now I am relaxing. I hope you have a great time tomorrow. I love the ocean. My parents have house on the ocean.Very pretty. Lot of seagulls, but pretty.Hey don't forget to set your clocks ahead tonight.Well I very proud for what your doing. Remember everyday is a new day, it's what "WE" not other people do with it. I'm going to try to watch a movie without falling asleep. So I'll write soon. Have a peaceful day tomorrow, and hope today was good too. Take care, June L.

Mar 08, 2009
Good Morninggg!!
by: Jenn

Heyy,
I was busyy to kind of yesterday..I had my half brother(which I think he is my brother) stop by with his 6 kids..they all range from the age of like 3-14..And then my Grandparents stoped by when my other half brother brother came by(think hes my brother too)..Soo it was like half brothers and sisters stopping by!! I do that all the time!! Me,my dad,and my little brother went out around 6 lastnight,we didnt get back till about 9..well thats also bcuz my father needed to get things at the mall..My eyes hurtt... Why cant you wait till shes 15?? at 15 she'll probably get worse at shopping!! haha!! I use to hate shopping but my friend is nice enough to always take me shopping soo now im like in love with shopping..(i kinda stil hate it)..!!
i dont think im goingg to the shore anymore with my friend..bcuz my parens are mean and they decide that at the last minute lastnight that we are going to go take a road trip up to the mountains..im like ohhh maa lordd..I mean Ive been to the mountains maybe twice...
Yesterday down here it went up to I think 75 degrees..maybe a little more or less.. but today its suppose to be like 80 degrees...blahhh..I love the heat..but isnt it colder up in the mountains?? i dont know.. all i know is that i live near philly soo its gonna be hot,and I want to be hot..I may go tanning today!!! (not) its suppose to rain even though its going to be soooo hot!!! I kinda hate the icky weather,but with my moods sometimes it fits..and lately unless i talk to certain people i've been realllyyyyy reallllyyy down,but still thinking positive..!!

I should be on once more todayy if I go anywhere..But i dont go anywhere I should be on like every soo often..I mean I check through my email,soo if theres nothingg new i dont even check the site..!!!
I can sometimes watch a movie without falling asleep..Unless i watch the movie and im very tired..and it also depends on if the movie turns out boringg... Know what I love though..PEE-WEE HERMAN!!! I love that man,hes my idol,and my bestest friend ever!!!! but i loe his laugh..hes like never on anymore though,that makes me sad!!! =( hehe

Mar 08, 2009
well i was bored all dayyy..
by: Jenn

Heyy,
Sooo what did you do today??!! As I said I was suppose to go out..well my father made up some lame excuse as to why we couldnt go to the mountains..And my friends mom had to work soo they & if I was allowed me couldnt go to the shore..Sooo i was stuck inside all dayy..and it was reallyy nice out..And my mother is being such a b****.. I cant say I was inside all day bcuz I would be lyingg,but I was only out for about maybe 2 hours at my friends house before her mom had to go to workkk..well her mom offered to take me home,since we needed to talk without her daughter being around..(bcuz her daughter gets jealous if me and her mom talks.)..Soo I call up my mother and asked her that if I could stay like 5 more minutes bcuz I would have a ride..Well my mother goes NO your to walk..Im like why if I get a ride you should be happy..And she goes NO,your to f***ing walk..Im like ohh my lordd..And my friends mom doesnt even get why my mother would make me walk home if I had a ride..I swear my mothe rwants me killed..im not liking her at all..(my mother)..

Sooo now I have to make dinner,eat,take a shower,go to bed..bcuz I have school tomorrow..im surprised that this weekend went by reallyyy fast!!

p.s- do you remember what I said about you in the beginning,well its still truee..ohhh soooo veryy muchh..and i do reallyyy love talkinggg to you..It just seems to me as to your the onlyy one right now who actually understands..and i wanna thank you for that veryyy much

Mar 08, 2009
Busy
by: June L.

Well what was supposed to be a boring weekend, turned out to be pretty busy. And I totally forgot I had a baby shower to go to. One of my kids were sick, and the othr one bored. She has nothing to be bored about, trust me. I was joking about the 15 yr thing. I wish time would go slower sometimes, but they do grow up. The baby shower was fun. I didn't stay long because of my sick son. He's better now, just a 24hr. thing I think. So yeah, then I went on my other sites, and now I think I'm going to watch a movie, or fall asleep to one. This time change was hard today. I have to get up early tomorrow too. Hope I don't oversleep. Do you have other friends or a youth group, center? Maybe just look around for that. Will your friend walk with you? Or just keep a journal, if you don't already. My daughter comes up with ideas for me when I'm bored, and thought I would share them with you. Start a hobby,sing,tell yourself a joke. Maybe come up with something and let me know too. Well I've got to rest. I'll check my e-mail in the a.m.. I have to leave early, and will be home around 5:30pm.Oh yeah today was a heatwave, 48 degrees, and sunny. Well talk soon. Sorry to hear about your weekend. Maybe make a weekend getaway for yourself. Even if it's in your own house. Sounds weird, but it's what I have to do sometimes. Talk soon, hugs, June L.

Mar 08, 2009
sounds like funn!! (well kinda)
by: Jenn

heyy,
That does sound busyyyy!! my cousin is havingg a baby,but her babys do in September..I dont know when her baby showerr is!! How could you forget?? just totally kiddingg..!! Tell him that I hope he gets better if it isnt just a 24 hour thingg..!! How doesnt she have anythingg to be bored about?? and I trust you!! I was wonderingg like why you said something with 15!! i was like ohkayy,i was like totallyyy confussed for a whilee.. I really dont wish time would go slowerr,at all..unless im with friends and havingg really funn.. I love baby showers..Have fun watchingg your movie!! dont fall asleeepp..!! I havent even noticed the difference..What does really happen when we have time change?? besides loosingg sleep..it doesnt seem like anythingg happens..!! I can NEVER wake up before 555am..Im actually up late tonightt..!! I dont think you'll over sleep..well hopefully!! Ohhh yeahh,I have a lot of other friends..but some live further away..They live closer to our school then mee..I dont think we have any group centerr..I mean I've asked my guidance consulor told me..which she hates me soo..What do you mean will my friend walk with me??? I write notes down everyday in a notebook..There are sooo many things in there..There are notes that I would write to send to you,but id be to scared to when the time comes..its like everythingg that has happened to me everydayy..I have a hobbyyy..Its runninggg..Especially since this summer im doing a lot of charity events..Like the MS150 (bike race from philly-the shore)..like all the cancer walks and all..I'll try and come up with things!! ohkayy.. Nightttyyy Nightt..I check my email in the morningg tooo!! Thats the time my mother gets home..blahhh!! i'll be around!! it was 70 degrees..The news people lie,and they lie alot..they said that today was suppose to be up to about 80 degrees.. My weekend isnt nothinggg special..my days are always like this.. I do the getaway alot..i lock myself in my room all the time...It doesnt sound weirdd at all..

hugs are rightt backk your wayy!!!

Jenn

Mar 09, 2009
Im in soooooo much pain!
by: Jenn

heyy,
Good Morningg..!! Blahh..Im in school and in soooooo much pain..I fell yesterday,and like my whole left leg is bruised,my right arm is bruised,and like near my pelvis is bruised..im in soooooo much pain..and my parents said that they are not taking me to the doctors/hospital..Sooo im not going to get checked out..But im askingg my 2nd mommmmmyyy if she would take me to the ER if im not feelingg better in about a day or two..
but did you watch a movie lastnight?? if sooo how was it???

I hope you have a funnn/goood mondayyy..i already can tell that i wont bcuz im in the greatest of pain right now..It hurts just to type..


talkkk sooooooonnnn

Mar 10, 2009
Are you ohkayy???
by: Jenn

Heyy,
I havent heard from you at all yesterdayy..Are you like ohhkayy??? im kinda worried,but your probably just busyy!!! well I woke up in massive pain,really couldnt move but I had too...
soo im in school and can barely walk...but ohhh well..no one seems to care..!!


write backk...to all of my 3 or 4 comments!!!

talk soooon...

Mar 10, 2009
Hey Jen
by: June L.

Goto your school nurse and she will get your parents to get you to the dr. I know it stinks, but no one deserves to be in pain. Can you take over the counter meds? i.e. tylenol,ibuprofinetc.? This is something tha can be helped, and should be. Can you call your dr. yourself? I do care Jen, and I'm sure other people will too, even if your parents don't. You are still a minor, and it's the adults job to make sure you are healhy.I'm sure ou know that, just advocate for yourself.k? Wel I havetwo more appointments today, and will be home around 6pm. This week seems soooo long and busy for me. My husband goes in for leg surgery Thursday. I will probably be on the computer for awhile while I wait for him.I ope everything else is going good. Take care of that pain okay? We are fighters Jen. I will write more later. Hugs, June L.

Mar 10, 2009
I know...
by: Jenn

Heyy,
I personally hate the school nurse,and she hates me..I went down there like twice bcuz I had a root canal done in January,and a day after that I wentto the nurse for pain medication and she flipped out on me...Well Shes kinda sycho!!! Well my parents I guess thinks that I deserve to be in pain snce their in pain...They're like sooo mean.. Yeah,I can take over the counter meds. But I know a few of them I cant bcuz They make my pain way worse.. i.e. tylenol.. I know it can be helped..Im going to ask my parents once more if they could take me to the hospital,and if they say no,im going to ask my pop-pop.Bcuz that man is one who will do absolutely anything for me..I could call my doctors myself,but he and she scares me(my doctors)..I dont really like the doctors,but I love the hospital!! I dont know why though..I know im still a minor and its the adults job..I can tell you care,believe me..!! Have fun with your 2 appts..And thats late..it seems soooooooo long for me too!! I wish him lots of luck..ehh,i cant complain,everything is sorta both..(good,bad).. Im gonna try and take care of my pain!! one way or the other!!! I know we are!! ohhhkkkayyyy!! hows your son feeling,is your daughter still bored??? hahahaha!!!

p.s-give it a few more days and im soo close to telling you somethingg!!! and its realllyyyy good..i mean i think you can already guess what bcuz its related to the whole mom thingg!! (like a few comments after we started talkingg)...

Mar 10, 2009
I'll check in the morningg!!
by: Jenn

heyy,
well im going to bed bcuz im in soooooooo much,you probably couldnt believe it.I asked my mother if when she got home if she could either take me to the hospital or the doctors..and she goes f*** no,you'll survive..Granted unfortunatly I know i'll survive..Soo me and her got into a fight,when she knew I was right..She got pissed off at me,sayingg im not to talk to anyone about this incident bcuz if I do,I will never see daylights again..I guess shes scared that she wil get busted this time with abusing me..Which Im thinking about telling someone..I fell sunday afternoon,and remind you its tuesday night..Im normally never still injuried for more then 4-5 days,unless I broke something or was seriously hurt..And my mother is trying to tell me that she knows everything little detail about me..She only knows my name,my age,my DOB..ohh and my year of school..She doesnt know anything else about me..The sad thing is she doesnt remember what hospital I was born at..She remembers everyone else but me..That makes me feel like crap..Im sorry Im trying sooo hard to like not curse..But im like soooo upset and angryy...
Sooo shes refusing to take me to get checked out..Sooo im like whatever I'll call my pop-pop,and she goes NO..And shes saying everything with f***,f***ing,f***er...Im like ohh myy god,whyy...I swear I do not know why I was granted the right to live...And no one seems to answer it...soo Im goingg to bed..Still leave me comments... I will check around 610am..!!


Nightyy nighttt... sleeppy tight dont let the bed bugs bite!!! I love that sayingg!!!and someone!!!¢¾

hugs ohhh sooooooooooooo veryyyy muchh!!¢¾¢¾

love;
Jenn¢¾

Mar 11, 2009
Good Morningg..
by: Jenn

heyy,
Im like soooooo upset,and mad..Ill tell you my mad issue first since its shorter..
Well I got my progress report for school(middle of the guarter report card)..I have 3 "Fs"..1 in english.1 in science.1 in social studies..English last quarter I had an "C". Science I had an "F".and Social studies I had an "F".. So I already have 2 summer schools if I cant bring those grades up..And a summer school for english if I dont bring those up..And if I get 3 Summer schools I get kicked out of school..Im like sooo mad bcuz I do all my homework,granted I dont do well on tests but..I hope they made a mistake with my progress report..I cant show my parents bcuz they told me that the next time I get an "F" im dead..And they ment literally kill me...

Now my upset issue..Well my friends mom(aka 2nd mommmyyy) doesnt love me anymore..She told me that lastnight..And she said its bcuz we never see eachother like a normal family does,and im like soooo..and she goes well we never talk either..Im like thats hyour fault.She goes how..Im like I'd call you soo many days and you would not pick up any of my phone calls,all you do is ignore me,and im like how do you think that makes me feel..And she goes well you dont even email me anymore..Im like sorryy to tell you but Everyday I send you an email,and I get nothing back from you,your the one whos not emailing me..And she denies it..Im like no what whatever be the b***** that you wanna be,but no matter I still love you..and thats when she said it..Well I dont love you..And I broke out in tears..Hopefully shes like her daughter and doesnt remember anythingg..Bcuz her daughter Doesnt stay mad for longer then maybe about 3 days.. soo hoepfulyl im luckyy..

Hows your day goingg???

Talk soonnn.. loven talking to ya!!!¢¾

Mar 11, 2009
Good Morning
by: June L.

The title was a joke, ha ha. Well I can't talk long, I have to get to bed. My hubby needs to be at the hospital at 6am. It feels like I've been awake forever today. Well, Jen we find out who our friends are,when we need them the most. It seems to me like the "adults" are acting like children. Just focus on yourself more than ever. I was told to do the same thing today. I have been slacking I guess and someone called me on it.I'm here like oh yeah,me. So 2morrow I will be on, and off my computer. There are good people out there, angels. You are an angel too, you are good. Its hard sometimes, but take something positive out of the negative and you will feel better, and it's contagious, trust me. Hows the writing ten things ten times thing going?Well I am fallig asleep. Hugs, and Peace, June L.

Mar 12, 2009
hahaha!! i guess
by: Jenn

Haha..Nice title!! I wish him luck...I feel the same way..I know thats true..And so far certain people have showed me that they dont care/love me..sooo im letting go..Its hard for me since ive known them for a while but I really dont care from this point on..I agree with you..(adults acting like children)..I've tryed focusing on myself,but its hard when your having everything going through your head at once.. I told my friends mom that I dont think I should think of her anything else then my friends mom anymore..And she emailed me back sayingg well its your lost..im like well im sorryyy that i have everything at once going through my head,im like im probably saying crap that i wont mean in the future..I've been slacking sooooooo much...ohkayy..I hope thats true..Honestly and im not going to lie to you,I have forgotten all about that,and i havent had anytime to myself..I mean in school is one thing,but i dont like writing certain things out of my bedroom..

But im like sooooooo in a realllyyyyy badishh/upsetishh mood today and yesterdayy..

well today Im getting rid of my kitten..(my baby boy)..Bcuz my mother is just that mean,that she is willing to get rid of an inacent little animal..sooo im very upset about that..Ive tryed not to cry but it makes me upset..bcuz i love cuddling with him..he like sleeps in between my legs on top of my blanket at night..

but i should be back on around 230-235!!!

have funn!!

hugs very muchhh..
you should tell one of your kids to hug you for me!! thank you!!!

Mar 13, 2009
To June & Jen:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I am planning a trip that will leave me traveling for several hours today and this evening. While I am still at home, I will keep checking for your comments in order to publish them live on the site. Once I arrive at my destination, my schedule will leave me with only limited access to my site. I'm expecting to be gone for about a week, perhaps a bit longer, but I will do my best to post your comments in a timely fashion. I appreciate your patience.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir




And June, I hope your husband is doing well after his surgery.


Mar 13, 2009
Heyy June!!
by: Jenn

Heyy,
How did everything go?? i didnt get any thing back from you yesterdayyy besides for the one comment if you did comment..I dont exactlyy remember if it was yesterday morning or the night before!! Sooo I damaged my hip even worse..I tryed running yesterdayy around 6pm..only for about a half hour..well maybe 5 minutes after i started running..im not able to move my right longg..the leg that is below the injuried side of my hip..soo im like ohh greatt..im like 6 blocks away from my house too..Soo now i really cant walk for long..and this week coming up..the 18th,19th,and 20th i have off of school..Soo wednesday I have a dentist app. at 11am..thursday a doctors app. at 11am..and friday i have a othodentist for the first time at like 11am..Im getting braces in about 2 weeks..!! joy...

but how are you doingg???

Mar 16, 2009
Are you ohkayy??
by: Jenn

heyy,
Are you ohkayy?? i havent heard from you in a few days..How did everythingg go with the surgery???

well i dont have much news from this weekend.. I basically went to my friends on saturdayyyyy..and got b****ed at by my mother on sundayyy..

talk real sooooonn...

hugs

Mar 19, 2009
Hey Jen
by: June L.

Hey girl, sorry I haven't written in what like a week now. I have been so busy with my husband and kids and everything in between. It's crazy. So how have you been? Anything new or exiting? I have been doing more cooking, cleaning, running around, and it's not very exiting at all. My hubby is getting better(thank God)! I love him, but taking care of a man is sometimes like taking care of my kids(lol). I made the mistake and got him alittle bell so I would know he needed something, and boy did he use it. I know he's in pain though, so I am nice about it...... Yep thats about it for me. In turn he is going to pay for a massage for me. Very cool. The weather is getting better here too so my kids and I are outside more.I came on once, but was so tired, I wanted my words to make sense to you.So it's been aweek and things are slowing down, and I want to hear about you too k?I hope you are feeling better,(your pain from running too).Well write back, I am back. No more operations for awhile. I will write more later too, when I have something more exiting to write about. Hugs, June L.

Mar 20, 2009
Heyyy!!!
by: Jenn

Heyy,
I cant tell..I was getting worried,bcuz it has been like a week..I thought something happened..But thats good that hes getting better!!! Taking care of a man is like taking care of children!!! I had to take care of my dad before when he fell and broke a few bones!! but I havent been in the greatest mood.Im not in anymore pain from running.I can now run again!! im happy for that..But my stomach has been realllyyy hurtingg todayy..I have my monthlyy friend!! and it hurts like a brat..ehhh!!! you probablyy did not need to know that but.If i start like flipping out you should know whyy..but i have a 5day weekend.. I had off since wednesday,so tuesday was my last day of school all week..So monday I go back..!!

But on top of all that..Lastnight my mother took me over my friends house and dropped me off..Well my friend has a boyfriend and he was over her house too with his friend..And they are sitting outfront of her house waiting for me..Well my mom goes when I get out of the car.."What is that what you guys do all damn day,is sit out at a corner and do shyt with guys.." She thinks im a slut,a whore,a hoe,a tramp,a drug dealer,an alcoholic..She called me all that lastnight..Im like how could you even think that,im like i dont do anything bad,except drink on special events..Im still devistated that she said that all to me..She knows I dont do anything..But she sat in front of me saying all that and other crap that I couldnt hear,bcuz she whispered it to my siblings...
Now yet again my siblings HATE me bcuz of her..and My father even now HATES me..

I dont know why my mother has to be the way she is..I dont do anything to her but she finds the most disgusting things to call me,and say i do..She says that shes seen me having sex with a guy on a bench..and that i was selling drugs to this chick at the grocery store..

those things reallllyyyy reallllyyyy realllyyyy hurt me..and i cryed for like 2hours lastnight..

and I had a dream lastnight.. That my brother was goingg to rape me again.. He like taped my mouth shut,and taped me to a bed and raped me again and again..

it happened to me once w/out the tape but im terrifieddd...

My brother is comingg home for a few weeks and he has to stay with us in the same house...

what should I do???? im unbelievebly terrifieddd

Mar 22, 2009
continous of my last comment
by: Jenn

my parents just yelled..&i did get hit a few times..&they threatened to hit me again out in public..&i have a few questions,just2try &prove my so called parents wrong..Isnt it Child abuse if you hit your child with a belt for no reason?? Isnt it also Child abuse if you say crap2them thats like disgusting,or not true,&hurtful& all??&Isnt it Child Neglect if you refuse2feed your child??they are tryingg2tell me that none of those things are child abuse..Just bcuz CPS here told them that its called discipline,hitting their child with a belt..It is really child abuse if they hit their child across the childs face with a belt..
Im asking about those things bcuz My so called parents only allow me2eat ceral or ice-cream 4 breakfast&lunch..bcuz this morning I asked them if I could make pan-cakes and they go no.Im like why,and they go bcuz we said no..and im like well then what am I suppose to have,since you guys wont make anything..and they go ceral or ice-cream..thats like all im ever allowed to eat anymore..i hate those 2 things very much..cuz it gets old after a while..but they made my little sis and bro; bacon,eggs,home-fries,saugage.. Well granted I only eat bacon but still..I wasnt even allowed to have that this morningg..and like come on,im 15 &still growingg.I go out with guys and play sports,bcuz I hate all those girly games/toys..im a very active 15yr old,and all i do is stay outside unless im grounded which lately its been everyday of my life..yeah my parents love grounding me bcuz they torcher me all the time..I try locking myself in my room,but they dont let me..bcuz like 2yrs ago they caught me trying to hang myself out the window..and i mean i try to sneak out of my window..i mean its a 2story house and im sure that if i jump out my window id break bones and wouldnt be able to get away but at least id be stuck in the hospital for a few days and then i could tell someone that i am in fact abused..but im not going to be that stupid..

Mar 22, 2009
more to the last one!!!
by: Jenn

I mean yes I still try and kill myself,bcuz of how much crap I deal with,but sometimes I think about what a few people might think..and I know that my parents wont tell my1 friend and her mother that I killed myself bcuz they dont like eachother sooo..and those are the 2people that i need at my viewing/funeral..and just i dont know..but i go on different busy busy busy main roads and try to get hit,but it never works..I mean this car almost did hit me,but he stopped like 2inches in front of me,and flipped out on him,and screamed why didnt you hit me..and he was like lost in the moment of what i said..and then im like im sorry..so.I mean I dont want to live here anymore,and nobody is making any of my choices easy to make.&like i wanna go to the police station but then my friend is like well i dont think thats such a good idea bcuz what if we never see eachother again,and blah blah blah..& im like well what about me,this just isnt about you, i also need to be in a house were i know im safe..and she flipped out on me,im like whatever i dont care,im doing for me not you anyways soo be mad at me all you want!
so I dont know..I think I wanna move outta state and leave and never come backk..I told my aunt like2nights ago that im about2go2the airport and sneak on a plane and never come backk..and im really thinking about doing that!!
well comment soon on both comments!!

I love you!!!¢¾

hugs<3

Mar 22, 2009
Hey Jen
by: June L.

Abuse is abuse Jen, no matter how you look at it. Hitting with a belt, not feeding you, calling names, shutting you out of their lives etc. It's abuse. Your parents and these so called professionals are obviously ignorant in this field. You need to do what is good and the right thing for Jen. As for your friend, she is not a very good one to only think of herself. I lost a few so called friends in coming out with my abuse. I found out who my friends were not that is. Your friends want you to be safe and happy, even if it means moving away etc. to get better. I know it might sound mean, but with friends like that, who needs enemies. As for your brother tell him very outright that your body is YOURS and you have a right to defend yourself. We are strong people Jen. I wish i could wave a magic wand and make this all go away. What i can do is try to give you some of my strength and words and hope you try it and it helps. I was there Jen and i remember the fear and just being tired and overwelmed. It's hard to break chains, but in order to start the healing process you have to. Reach out as much as your body will allow and i promise it will get better. Anything has got to be better than what you are dealing with now. Do not become numb and unfeeling. I wont allow you to. You have too much to live for. Jen needs you.Just coming on this thread tells me you know that too. You would make a great mentor someday yourself. I almost gave up too, but just think our paths would not have crossed. I am so happy i can be there in some way for you. You are reaching out already, to me. Keep reaching Jen and i bet when your my age you might say yeah june was kinda loopy sometimes and now i can do that for someone. I am glad your leg is better. How were all your dr appts? Fun i bet. Well i know i said alot this time, but i hope you didnt drift too much(lol). You are a remarkably strong young woman, and you have so much ahead of you to live for. Sounds like your fam needs a reality check, but i want you to focus on you k? I will write back soon. Things are a little calmer here now. I dont think i could ever be a full time nurse for paople with broken bones. I quit. I love my hubby to pieces, but boy oh boy he is lucky i love him. Enough said . you have a great monday back at school. write when you get a chance. Love you too, June L.

Mar 23, 2009
Blahhh!!!
by: Jenn

Are you sure???(lol)..I mean I know it is but like No one thinks that but me..Am I wrong in someway of telling people that im abused??? like seriouslyy,i just dont know..They do block me out of their lives..And the sad thing is my parents didnt throw me a party for my birthday bcuz they thought my birthday was next month..when it was February 6th..That makes me wonder if they arent my parents..They are ignorant especially towards me..and its not funny..I dont know whats good and right for me..Honestly,I dont know anything anymore..Im soooo lost in life anymore..I know shes not being a good friend right now bcuz shes thinking about herself..I dont want to loose any of my friends,i love them all..I know for damn sure that i dont need any enemies right now..!! But im scared bcuz hes in the Military and he has a gun and knives..All he has to do is Kill me..I mean I want that too happen but not now(kind of at least)..Im not strong.! I wish I could too..You dont have too,its not your problem its mainly mine,but i know your trying to help me.and I overly appreciate it..I know you were there.I have the fear,tiredness,and overwhelmness feelings..What do you mean by "break chains"?? Im scared to reach out,bcuz all i have to do is reach out to someone and they go tell my parents and they deny it,and then my abuse gets worse..and i dont need that at all.But what if it doesnt get better,then what??I am becoming numb and unfeeling.I really dont have anything to live for anymore.I do know that to a point but not very much.Im soo close to giving up.I swear I think wednesday Im just going to runaway and give it all up.Im happy for both things(our paths crossing,and you being here in some way).I know im reaching out to you.And i have a strange feeling about it too.I would never say that,bcuz your not loopy,your funny!!(lol).Im so glad my leg is better,bcuz now when i get really ticked off i can go running.Stupid,my dentist mad my mouth infected,my doctor was being a jerk off & tells my parents that I tryed killing myself again bcuz i have scratches on my arms.I didnt want that to be seen but yeah.It wasnt that much!I didnt drift at all.They do need a reality check so much.I'll try to focus on me.thats good..and haha!! Wow,he is lucky you love him to pieces!!! My monday was awful.how about yours? YAYY!!!

Mar 24, 2009
March 23,2009 incident.
by: Jenn

Hi,
Your gonna love this story..So my mother decides to beat me up lastnight.She insulted me to my little sister(many times),so I went up to my mother and slightly hit her in her butt..she turns around and punchs me in my arm(bruise now),so I hit her back.Then I went over to my pantry(food closet!) to get my reeses peanut butter cups out of there.She comes over and yells at me to put them back bcuz they arent mine,im like no bcuz they are mine bcuz i bought them.and i was wearing a gray hoodie with a hood,and she pulls on the hood choking me(marks around my neck now),so then she like drop kicked me to the ground...then my mother decides to hit me in my chest/stomach thinking i would move my arms so she could get in my pocket..i didnt move..then she steps over like my head and pushs it into the pantry door(so now a bump on my head)..so she walks over me and I kick her in her vagina..(thats as nice as i can put it)..soo i dont know if i should report that..if thats even considered child abuse(physically)..bcuz i mean i hit her first but she also mentally abused me first by insulting me many times to my sister..So i dont know.but i dont know what to think about it.and I fell and hurt my back like 2 hours before this fight between my mother and I.so i couldnt bend over or move that easily and she knew about it,but she still drop kicked me to the floor..

but im in sooooo much pain now and like now she totally wants me outta the house bcuz she tells my father that i started it that i punched her in her arm and all..reallyy i wouldnt want to touch my father bcuz all she smells like is beer..
soo i dont know..but comment backk<3

love you

Mar 30, 2009
Its been a whole week!!
by: Jenn

heyy,
Hows everythingg goingg??? its been a week since we talked..!!
Not much has changed..but my aunt betrayed me yesterdayy..and Friday night I had another nightmare..Just this time it was BOTH of my brothers raping me over and over..and i honestly dont know why im having these nightmares..Ive never had them before..they just started..and like thats the second time in the same week..soo i dont know,but..now i really do think something is going to happen..but like i know my older has that capability to do whatever he wants with me bcuz he is in the military and way stronger(and parents little prince),and my little brother really doesnt have that capability bcuz like i am way stronger then him,but also hes sorta a prince to my parents..soo..and im a little scum wasted piece of life..thats what i got called by my family over the weekend..soo im like thats cool,thanks soo much for telling me what/who i am..i aprreciate that 100% (not)!! sooo..and like my brother was born in 96 and i was born 94..but my older brother was born 89(i think) hes like 19 now..!! i dont know and personally i dont give a rats butt either!!! butt yeahhh..thats just a little check in this time..but comment on my other comments too!!!!

but im also dropping in all my classes for school,my grades are like soo down...it suckz!!!

write backk soooooooon!!!

hugs from; Jenn!!

Apr 06, 2009
Hey Darlene,
by: Jenn

I was wondering if you could possibly some how contact June to make sure nothings wrong..I havent spoken with her in a little over 2weeks now..
I hope everything is well with you as well!!!

Thank you..

Jenn

From Darlene: Jen, I'm very sorry, but I am not in a position to contact June, other than through this website page; same as you. Perhaps June is dealing with some personal issues right now—either with herself or perhaps with her family—and is therefore not in a position to reply back. Sometimes grown up stuff can interfere with other commitments we've made. I hope you don't take it personally, Jen. I too hope she is well.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir


Apr 07, 2009
Hey Jen, I'm Still Alive
by: June L.

Sorry I haven't written in a while. We have had a lot of rough times here. My dog died, he got sick quick and they still aren't sure why. I think it's from his vacs. My oldest son has been sick for like 2.5 weeks, and he has epilepsy. I found out I myself am getting "sick" again. So I have had to take it easy for awhile. Yeah right(lol). I tell my docs. " I have to grow old, I don't have to grow up". Things like this just make me stronger, pray more, and just pay attention more. I am okay. Just alot, with alot of feelings. Thank you for your patience and understanding. I do have to go for a few more test and sometimes I don't get up for a day or two. My docs are great, and won't let anything bad happen, trust me. How are you doing? Anything exiting happening? You know I have been praying alot, and sometimes He is slow, but I know I am heard. Whether you believe or not, I do pray everyday for you too. You remind me of me when I was your age. We look okay on the outside, and scream on the in. I promise this won't be your way of life forever. You are in charge of your own.Please Jen let me give you some of my strength. Like I tell my kids, use me if you need to, I am here. You are one of the strongest girls I have ever met. Maybe not in person, but we have a connection. Quick description of me is 5foot2inches,shoulder length blonde hair(with grey)115lbs, no tats,piercings, or scars(or stretchmarks)(lol).I am always on the go(I Hate being stuck at home in bed).I am always joking around, exept when I'm mad, sometimes then too i guess.My kids think I'm the dorky, old fashioned mom, I think I'm pretty cool. My kids are my world, and I have tried to educate them on everything I was not as a child. Someday Jen I want you to write Your story of healing k? Well I will try to keep in touch more. I will be better soon. I just have to take this reallllllly gross medicine first.It tastes like aluminum. I don't know if you have the HPV vacs. down there, it's called gaurdasil here and it protects against cervical cancer. If you haven't got it you should. I'm getting my daughter vacs. this year.Just maybe talk to your dr. about it k? It's mainly sexually transmitted, but it's better to be safe and ahead than sick. I have the more riskier one, and I wish I would have had the chance to have the vac. myself. They just came out with it though. But enough about that I miss you Jen and love you. Some of my writings might be shorter than others, but i will write as much as i can. Write back too. Hugs and Love, June L.

Apr 08, 2009
heyyy
by: Jenn

Heyy,
Its ohkayyy..I was jsut getting worried..But ohh..I hope you all feel better!! well Ive been cryingg to past 4 days including todayy in the 4 days..I feel like isolating myself from the outside for a while..I cant eat cuz im to upsett..Just things have happened here.. My so called parents decided to tell me that me breathing should be against the law..soo that made me start thinking..but people have been betrayingg me sooooo much latelyy..
Im 5foot4inches..im only 97.2lbs..i tryed strangelingg myself lastnight but it didnt work..
Im just wanting to go away for a long timeee..
my friend and her mom planned a trip to florida next month..and they told me im invited if i get the money..but i need about 316 dollars..and the plane tickets have been going up sooooo muchh..soo i cant go there..and my so called damn parents arent helping me..soo im on my own..and im not allowed to do anything that my parents have paid for..meaning eat and other..but the only things im allowed to do is shower,sleep,and change clothes...soo yeahhh.

theres just sooooo much to sayy just not enough time..sooo yeahh..

i miss you and love you too!!! you dont know!! lol..


Hugs and love as well!!!

Jenn

ps- i love talking to you!!!

Apr 14, 2009
Easter!!
by: Jenn

I know im a little late on this but Happy Easter!!
How was your easter??? mine was just like any other day but time..My brother slapped my butt 2times..and he punched me across the right side of my face..which my right jaw is bruised and the bottom tip of my ear is like bruised..this happened on Easter Sunday...And my parents saw it all happened and did nothingg..Monday right after Easter I had to go to the orthodontist..I just got spacers in..And next week on Tuesday I get braces..I just dyed my hair tonightt..ohh and before i forget again here we do have that shot..and im all up to date on my shots soo..but anywho..I was sick all day todayyy..throwing up and everythingg!!! haha.. well my 2nd mommmy(friends mom,but i also call her mom more then 99.9% of the time) hasnt beeeen talkingg to me lately..and I dont know whyy,but thats making me reallyy upset bcuz im curious as to what i did wronggg..I was suppose to go to Florida next month with her but i cant now bcuz I cant get over 345$ in a weeek..but my life is terrible sometimes..(well shall i say more then half the time..)..

So hows everythingg goinggg?? Hows everyone feeeeeling??? i hope goooood for both!!

talk soooon..


Love & Hugs

Jenn

Apr 29, 2009
Darlene or June.
by: Jenn

I have a question for one of yous..I dont care who answers,if they can!!!

I was wondering if you had to be in a foster home,group home,or in the custody of CPS in order to be adopted???
I've been trying to look up information on that,but I can not find any answers,and its bugging me...

well Thank you..!!

Jun 10, 2009
Hey June.
by: Jenn

Hi June,
I havent talked to you in a long long time.I hope everything is ohkay!! well here everything is not ohkay.I have not slept in a week,or eaten in a week,or drank anything besides water in a week..This is all bcuz last week on Wednesday I reported sexual abuse to CPS here.And ever since Ive been sick to my stomach,terrified,not able to do anything..I just had a big humongo meeting with a district attorny,a nova lady,and a lady from CPS yesterday.There was suppose to be a detactive but he couldnt make it..And they said that within a week they are calling my parents,and thats what Im very terrified of.I know that as soon as they get the phone call,Im dead.And I literally mean dead..Ive had nightmares all week.I told the CPS lady that I cant go home after my parents get the phone call.And she goes oh well your gonna have to.And I couldnt breath.I was gasping for air.I was sitting in my counselors office and the secrety comes back and says everyones here,and I was gasping for air then,and my counselor was trying to get me to breath but I couldnt.I was sososososo sick to my stomach.
Comment back!! I havent talked to you in 4ever.and my 2nd mom told me to "F*** Off" a few weeks ago..
Hugs and love coming your way!!<333

Dec 29, 2009
June????
by: Jen

I hope everything is okay..I havent heard from you in over a year almost 2..I think about just about everyday hoping your okay..I remember what you told me with you having cancer and Im worried.. :(
I really do hope everything is good..
You should really write me back at least letting me know everything is alright.Cause I worry about everything and I am worried..

Jen

Apr 17, 2010
I'm Getting Better
by: June L.

Hey girl I am getting better slowly. I have been very sick here for awhile. How have you been? Well if you get this write me back k? X's n O's:)

Apr 18, 2010
oh myh gosh
by: Jen

hey.Ive missed you..i havent talked to you in over a year!! what happened?? hope your okay..I was scared..well i wrote my story of healing!!!! but its a part 2 of this!! lol..and i dont live at home..i reported sexual abuse..so its been quite an experience..ive been on such a loop-dee-loop roller coaster since June that just past..and its not that fun..but im doing much much much better!!!

Im gonna smile all day because I heard from you...

hugs <3

Jul 09, 2010
Hey June
by: Jen

Hey June,

well Ive been pretty depressed lately.school ended almost a month ago. ugh, i hate it. social services closed my case on June 30th. which isnt good. Things have been so bad since they did that. So I go to the police on monday July 12th.. ugh, my mom is a really huge b*tch.and she printed out all of our comments to eachother on here.shes really pathetic.. I've thought about you a lot lately. Im hoping and praying your okay. I dont think I really ever said Thank you to you..so I wanted to say "Thank you a lot." I have 7 months and 29 days till Im 17!! but a year and 7 months and 29 days till Im 18!!! Thank God.. I lost a really great person on 12/30/09 due to suicide.and he did what I was gonna do.Get hit by an amtrak train. but I kinda realized that I would be missing so much if I did.and I really want to make it to my future to rub it in anyones faces that ever doubted me and all.. well I got a new kitty sometime last month and she gave me ring worm a week after we got her..ugh.typical female! lol.. I miss you.. well
(hugs and kisses and love coming your way)!!!<3

Jan 02, 2011
Just checking in.
by: Jenn

Hey June.
Hope your doing good..I've been getting better this time around..Things have gone down.My brother got sentenced on November 4th,2010..And recently social services have gotten called back in because I started to get physically abused again..by my younger brother(10x my size),and my parents..So things have gotten a little worse since we last talked..Things started to look up but then I dont know what happened..But the assistant district attorney who I met the day before my brothers sentencing after the sentencing lost sleep for a week and a half,because I had to come back to this hell.and she wasnt happy with that.So she has been trying to get me out permanently.And I have someone for good to take me in.Who went to court with me that day and has been there since June.But I want you too know that I have been thinking about you lately.And hope your okay.I know you said you've been sick last year,so I hope your better.I think about day from day.And when I do,I start to tear.
Write me back when you get this so I know your at least okay.
Hugs and love :) <3

Apr 17, 2013
Hey Lady!
by: Jenn

Hey June, how have you been? It's been quite some time! Hope all is well! Well I graduated high school this past June. I reported the sexual abuse in 2009, and my brother will be getting out very soon (within the next few months), I am progressing in therapy, family still hates me and that's alright! I am going for my permit next week (hoping I pass)! It been very strange, you most recently have been popping into my mind, and I'm hoping that's a good thing! I'm praying everything is well and hope to hear from you soon. THANK you both, June and Darlene!!

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