Comments for Child Abuse Story From Jemz

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Jul 27, 2008
Understandable pain...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Jemz, it's all too raw right now. Your hopelessness is understandable. But you don't want to die; you want the pain to end. That is also perfectly understandable AND natural. You are anticipating further pain at your upcoming birthday, because you are marking each birthday as a sinister anniversary. Perhaps if you shift what you are thinking, it can help you shift your emotions. Instead of waiting for the 8th anniversary of you grandfather's betrayal, consider it an awakening to the rest of your life.

Jemz, you showed tremendous strength when you told your mother, strength you don't even realize you have. Trust me when I say that not telling when you were younger was not a failure on your part; it was being vulnerable to the sick and twisted messages of your grandfather, messages that EVERY 10-year-old would believe. After all, he was your granda. He was supposed to be a protector for you. But instead, he used your youth and defenselessness to his advantage. Jemz, he's a cowardly sex offender. He did what most sex offenders do: played on the helplessness and innocence of a wonderful little girl.

You can't do this alone. Family support is important, but so is professional help. Please consider looking into some form of counselling and/or victim services that might be available to you where you live. You have already lived through the nightmare of being victimized by this warped coward of a man, and then you bravely lived through the actual telling of what happened. Your mother and father believed you. Do you not see your own strength? Do you not see your amazing value? The world isn't ready to lose you, Jemz. You have so much more to offer.

Please consider contacting ChildLine on 0800 1111 in order to talk to someone. Check out their website at www.donthideit.com for more information. You really are worth getting some help for yourself, Jemz. You CAN get through this. It's not that he wins if you take your life as much as the fact that he's not worth you losing your life over. He's not worth taking away your power. And though he stole your power from you when you were too young to do anything about it, you are now old enough and strong enough to take your power back. Start by getting the help you need. My visitors and I are all rooting for you!

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Jul 28, 2008
Birmingham
by: Hayley

Hi Jemz? How are you feeling today? You did the right thing to talk to someone aboutit. Your Grandad was incredibly wrong to takeadvantage of you, that being your mental, physical and emotional immaturity. Even if you did attempt suicide, and you did supposedly mess the family up, it would only be the first time. The person who really did that was your grandad with his sick actions.

Like you my abuse ordeal started when I was ten, the physical side that is. And while 19 years later I am still suffering from the effects, I am making big progress. It obviously doesn't seem like you will get over this in your own mind but you will. It may take a long long time but who needed to hurt someone to feel good, and threaten that victim into silence? Your Grandad because HE is the weak one. You are so strong to have coped for this long, and to talk to the police about it further prooves that you are stronger than you probably want to give yourself credit for.

Good luck Jemz. I'm only on the other side of a computer screen if you need a rant.

Hayley has a "room" on OpenSpace at Hayley's (Screwloose) Room.

Jul 28, 2008
You were a young innocent child, never forget that!
by: Andrew Richards

Jemz, don't let that sicko win! Darlene's right, right now you're at the point when it's all hitting you from all sides, you can't process it, and because he put the responsibility on you with sick brainwashing at an impressionable age, you feel like somehow it's all your fault.

Here's the thing though- you were a young innocent, impressionable 10 year old girl. You had no idea of the horror's he was inflicting on you until it was too late. You were young innocent and impressionable, and he knew it and played on it- period. You're an innocent victim here, and the responsibility is all his! Period.

I know with what I went through for the longest time, I blamed myself- that somehow at age 6 and especially age 10 - I shpould by some divine means have been able to fight it off but the fact is that you were just an ittle kid- just like you were when you were 10!

Forget about your family. Keep on living- keep on fighting, but do it for you! You deserve it! For the longest time it'll feel like life is pointless and that you're not killing yourself for the sake of living a pointless existence, but if you're true to yourself and keep fighting, feeling and validating everything you feel, one day you'll hit the core of it- the very core of the pain, and that's when youreach the light at the end of the tunnel. Let me tell you from someone who's onbly recently found that other side of the tunnel that life gets worth living. Don't give up hope, don't let him win. I promise you you're in for some hellish demons which in some ways are worse than the abuse itself, as you've already discovered by the sounds of things and that there'll be times when that light at the end of the tunnel gets very hard to see. But I also promise you that when you reasch it, that light at the end of the tunnel will be brighter and more wonderful than you can ever imagine. Hang in there and know that you're not alone, that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and the best way to beat your grandfather is to not just survuve but to live and eventually find true happiness and success- which I have no doubt you'll do.

Aug 07, 2008
What can i say...
by: Glen

...Jemz i came onto this website for the first time today, not realising what i was looking for...i cried when i read your story. No one can convince you your worth more than what you think you are except yourself, not really. People want to try, they feel sorry for you and try to convinvince you, like you say, your worth more...alot of the time it will go in one ear and out the other and when there gone you'll be back to thinking about what happened and its an awful situation to be in.
Another problem i find with being a victim of sexual child abuse is people may want to offer a shouder to lean on and you dont want it, even though you know you need it.
Theres no easy way out of not feeling how you feel but at least living a semi-normal life. As cold as it sounds, i have found the only person who can help you is you and i think writing your story is a first step to becoming close to the person you may want to be.
As plain and normal as it may sound i am so so sorry. Please pick yourself up as much as you can, through whats happened you will become an amazing young woman that the world should be grateful for. I really wish you all the best and wish i could help more.

Aug 09, 2008
Birmingham
by: Hayley

Hi Jemz, how you feeling today? I agree with Glen, you are so strong. Get counselling as soon as you are ready to deal with it. Some sessions may seem hopeless, but sometimes it can take just a few words to change the whole out look. I sort of admitted regret at not sending my brother to jail, half to a friend at work who has given me so much strength. It may not have been a good time, but what he said when he pulled me up on that, was right. Hopefully I can take another step forward. You have to deal with your ordeal how is best for YOU, and don't let anyone influence you in your decisions.

Hang on in there kid, you're so tough, you can get over this pain, one way or another, and that doesn't mean attepmting suicide. The fact that you are still here, shows a strong mentality that you should learn to give yourself credit for having.

Aug 21, 2008
thanks
by: Jemz

Thank you all very much for your comments and support, I am feeling much better at the moment and do not want to just quit. Im not sure what to say really. Writing this really helped me as did your response to it. Thank you.

Aug 21, 2008
Thank you for the update...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

So good to learn that you are going better, Jemz, that you don't want to "quit", and that our comments helped after you wrote your story. Stay strong and keep writing.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Aug 21, 2008
birmingham
by: Hayley

Fair play Jemz. We're right behind you

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