Comments for Child Abuse Story from JC

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Dec 02, 2008
Forgiveness...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

JC, at 23 years of age, I believed as you do now, that "forgiveness" is not necessary. At that age, I also "knew in my heart" that I couldn't possibly forgive my mother for what she did to me. After all, her acts against me were heinous and malicious; she purposely and decisively tried to destroy me. There was no way I could possibly forgive all that.

And then when I was 24, I entered into therapy. I was borderline anorexic at that time, but had been morbidly obese prior to that. I had no friends. I didn't get along well with my co-workers. I was argumentative. I didn't know how to have fun. I had forgotten how to laugh. I was sick with some type of stomach ailment the doctors couldn't diagnose. The only "good" thing in my life at that time was my loving and supportive husband. But even with that in my life, I hated myself.

As I approached 10 months of therapy, after I had faced my fears and allowed myself to hate, really hate my mother, I was finally able to let go of the hatred. And then something unexpected happened: I realized how important forgiveness is.

You see, JC, forgiveness is not for your mother. Forgiveness is not about "forgetting"; you can no more forget what happened to you than you can stop yourself from breathing. Forgiveness DOES NOT in any way shape or form say that what she did to you was okay; it WASN'T okay and will NEVER BE okay.

Forgiveness is what you do for YOU. Forgiveness unblocks you and sets you free from the pain and torment and rage and hostility; and by unblocking you from all of this, you will no longer allow what your mother did to you control who and what you are. You will no longer allow what she did to you determine how you go about your life. Forgiveness is about taking back control of your life, JC. If you don't forgive, you will go through your entire life hating, angry, fearful, numb, and a host of other emotions that you won't let you go. You deserve so much more than that. You're the one who deserves to forgive. What could be worse? You living the rest of your life still controlled by your mother.

But you can't do it alone. You need help. Go with your gut, JC; go back into counceling. It's one of the most loving acts you can do for yourself. Then allow the process to work. You too might be surprised by the outcome.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Dec 02, 2008
So many crimes committed
by: Francine

JC, I am sorry that you didn't have a good mom. I went through the same thing with my ballistic mom, too. Your so-called mom even took pleasure in swearing at you and that is not acceptable. She should've been fired from CPS and thrown to jail for life. Real mothers should never swear at their children and they should never gloat about beating you! You might want to try counselling.

Dec 02, 2008
Math homework
by: Francine

BTW, JC, I can relate to that cruel punishment that your mom willingly subjected you to during math homework; my mom would always drill me on math facts, science facts, spelling words, book reports, grammar, cursive handwritings, projects, reading huge books that I would never understand and vocabulary until I cried. She often beat me over every homework, too. I had to go through that torture before my handwriting was neat enough, my spelling good enough and grammar acceptable enough to turn in every next class. I always usually ended up crying while being yelled at. I always had to write lots of cursive paragraphs in pen only and I always had to write in cursive only. No hand-printing, ever. I really feel you, JC.

Dec 03, 2008
I can relate....
by: touched2mysoul

My mother as well people thought to be a good person. People thought her to be charming,honest and oh so nice... if they only knew...
Living with that perception of her it made it even more difficult for me as a child because who would believe me...
I can relate to your story... the homework thing... yes i can relate...
You are in my thoughts...
Love yourself... you deserve it...

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