Comments for Child Abuse Story From Jansen

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Dec 08, 2008
Not your fault...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Jansen, you didn't deserve what happened to you. Loving and caring fathers DO NOT molest their children. No matter what material things your father gave to you, that did not give him license to molest you. Period. No question about it. End of story.

Sex offenders often use gifts and material goods to "groom" their young victims. They also blame their victims. Offenders will stoop to any level to brainwash their victims. The work for you now is in large part reprogramming the lies your father instilled in you. It is also dealing with the terrible betrayal and abandonment of both your parents: your father, for the vile and criminal acts he committed against you; your mother, for turning a blind eye and for turning her back on you when you needed her the most. The pain must be unbearable. You need help dealing with this pain.

Jansen, at this point helping yourself means finding someone who can help you. Consider a counsellor at your college. I'm not sure such counsellors exist in college, but check out the resources available to you on campus. Consider a woman's shelter. Contact your local chapter to learn if there are resources available to you. Perhaps there is a crisis center in your area. Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) may also be able to help you. At the very least, you can talk to someone about the abuse you were forced to deal with. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose the abuse.

And just for the record, Jansen, you bear no shame in this. The shame lies squarely on the shoulders of your sex offender of a father, and on your enabling mother. Don't ever lose sight of that. You were the child; they were the adults. It was their job to nurture and protect you. They not only failed to nurture and protect you, they were responsible for the harm inflicted on you. As I said, you NEED help dealing with this reality. You DESERVE the help to deal with this reality. You are WORTHY of the help to deal with this reality. Of this I have no doubt.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Dec 09, 2008
I am so sorry
by: hannah

i know that need to have something to control, to strive to be perfect. I am so sorry for what your father did TO you. believe me you didn't deserve it. i think that may be the hardest part to reconcile with is realising it isnt your fault and you didn't deserve it. hopefully now that you have been able to share what happened to you you can start a path to healing. always remember that you are amazing and you are strong! May God be with you always.

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stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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