Comments for Child Abuse Story From Hallee

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Feb 13, 2009
What it really means to "accept" and forgive...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Hallee, my deepest condolences on the loss of your brother. You not only lost a brother to suicide because of abuse inflicted at the hands of both your parents, you lost someone who could relate on every level. It must have been devastating, especially after getting the letter he left for you. He was a young man in such pain, such agony. You were left alone by his desperate act; my heart goes out to you.

As for your mother, she betrayed and abandoned you and your brother when she refused to intervene. But even worse was when she physically removed herself (with your sister in tow) from the room. When she did this she may as well have said, "I reject you. I don't love you or my son. I love my other daughter. Whatever your father does to either of you, you both deserve." She was an enabler; she is every bit responsible for what you and your brother endured as your father is. She contributed to the emotional abuse by intentionally abandoning the two of you during your most vulnerable and needful times. Her actions were a despicable form of neglect.

Regarding your father, when you say you've "accepted what he had done to me", I believe what you are saying is that you accept the fact that it did happen. I make this distinction for the benefit of my other visitors who do not understand. So many believe that if they "accept" what happened to them, they are saying what happened to them was okay. But that's NOT what it means at all.

Hallee, you've learned that there is nothing you can do to change what happened, and have therefore come to terms with it. But you went even a step further; a grand step at that! Forgiving your father was a gift to yourself, as well as to him. That forgiveness was as a result of him cleaning up his act. The fact that you have basically told him you forgive him was a gracious and compassionate act on your part. But it was a gift to you because what you did by forgiving him was let go of all the anger, the hatred and the hostility that would have kept you locked in a cycle of emotional dysfunction, which in turn would have had continuous damaging consequences throughout your life. I have the utmost respect for you for realizing this, and then doing something about it. You are well on your way along the path of healing and recovery, Hallee. Congratulations!

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Feb 13, 2009
A willing enabler for a mother and a vicious beater for a father
by: Francine

Hallee, I understand what it's like to have a messed up dad and a cowardly mom. I can relate...my parents have abused me when I was as young as I can remember and everyone outside of my family has always loved them, so that's why I am sorry to hear that you didn't have good parents. However, I am delighted that you had a loving step-dad cuz had your mom not married that man, then you could've withered and died; indeed, you would've. God forbid. Oh, and I am also sorry that your brother had to kill himself because of what your so-called dad did to you guys. Have you tried counselling yet? Take care.

Feb 14, 2009
God Bless
by: touched2mysoul

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your brother. I can relate all to well to wanting to take my own life years ago as i struggled with the after effects of years of malicious and painful abuse at the hands of my mother. Live for your brother...God Bless

Feb 21, 2009
questions
by: dana

mrs darlene,
where could i ask you questions? could i just do it here or do you have a special section for them? im wondering because i have a child abuse question for you.

Reply from Darlene: Dana, I'm sorry, but I can no longer answer questions for my visitors; I don't have enough hours in the day. I currently get dozens of questions every week; I had to suspend my Ask Darlene feature on this site for that reason. It's not that I don't want to answer, it's that I simply can't with all the responsibilities I have on this site. Stories take up the majority of my day. I need my visitors to respect that. I trust you understand.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir



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