Comments for Child Abuse Story From Greg

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Apr 30, 2009
Part 1: You've earned that anger and hostility...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Greg, have a right to that anger and hostility. Your mother was a child abuse enabler. As a helpless child, you couldn't protect yourself. You had to rely on her for that protection. Your mother's lack of action when that vicious excuse for a man would mercilessly beat you was bad enough. You loved her, you adored her, but even that wasn't enough to yield her love; that's what you would have been thinking and feeling during that time. You may have resigned yourself to the belief that she was somehow incapable of coming to your aide; other than being powerless herself, why else wouldn't she save her son from such brutality.

But then...THEN, after years of abuse, after years of bruises and welts and unbearable cruelty, she suddenly came to the rescue of your two younger half-siblings as though they were more worthy than you, as though she loved them more than you. Of course you would feel anger and hostility. She betrayed and abandoned you. She taught you that you weren't worthy of her protection. She taught you that you weren't lovable enough to protect.

I'm here to tell you that what you learned about yourself were lies, Greg. You WERE, and ARE, worthy. You WERE, and ARE, lovable. You WERE, and ARE, deserving of dignity and respect. Your mother, any mother (or father) who refuses to keep their child safe from harm, is not right in the head. Something is seriously wrong with a parent who will not come to the defense of their child when that child is suffering brutality. But it is never the child's fault. You, Greg, were not to blame for any of what you suffered. You WERE good enough.

Based on what she did for her other two children, you were specifically targeted for abuse at the hands of your mother, even though she was not the one to actually dole out the beatings. She gave her blessing by allowing these vicious beatings—she even watched you endure those vicious beatings. There are no excuses for her part in this.

See Part 2: No excuses, just possible "explanations"... below.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Apr 30, 2009
Part 2: No excuses, just possible "explanations"...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You confronted your mother, which resulted in a "sorry". That "sorry" is empty without some kind of explanation, without an acknowledgment about why. I'm not advocating for a further confrontation, Greg, because few if any result in the outcome the victim wants and needs. The explanation you are seeking you might find in my article on this site titled Why Parents Target a Specific Child for Abuse.

The most important thing I want you to walk away understanding, Greg, is that you were not to blame. You were precious and worthy of your mother's love; love that should have been shown the very first time that vicious man even considered lifting a hand to you, let alone a belt. A counsellor may be able to help you with all the emotional turmoil you are now experiencing, Greg. You're certainly worth that kind of help.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. I'll post your second installment in the next couple of days.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

May 01, 2009
Thank You
by: Greg

Darlene,

Thank you for the comments and reassuring what I do know. I know I needed help but up to a two weeks ago I thought I could handle it and was able to talk about it with my Step-Brother. We both need it. We have had very difficult relationship problems in our life and none has lasted more than a few months. I am pretty laid back and rarely get angry but when I do I fear that I'm going to hurt someone. Somehow I've learned to just walk away but I am so afraid of hurting someone. My present relationship almost ended after I punched a hole in a door which has brought back to many bad memories from my childhood and caused me to seek help because I really love this woman and don't ever want to hurt her. I have only opened up to my Step-Brother up to two weeks ago and now I am finally getting the help I need. Reading stories on your site is very emotional and although I cry and get angry when I read many of them I know it is helping. It is still so much to handle but knowing there are people who understand what I went thru and am going thru now is helping.

Wishing us all the best,
Greg


May 01, 2009
Why, ? Oh Why.? I'll never know
by: Maurice

Greg your story evokes memories for me that I sure can emphtise with you in all those beatings you received at the hands of this vicious man. Darlene as is her care for all her visitors have given you beautiful words of love, helping words for you to work at. she too can emphatise with you and therefore her words a genuine and sincere and she wants only for you to value yourself, By no means Blame yourself. You were abused by an uncaring vicious man. What you suffered at his hands was not human or right. Your Mother seemed helpless during all those times your butt,backs of your legs and the small of your back the most sensitives parts of your young body. Yes you rightly can question why, why did some one not notice those bruise/welts on you boddies. The mystery of it all Greg Why a Male vicious man could use a belt on innocent bodies of you and your step brothers. Greg Darlene has given some very helpful suggestions, at 29 you are understanding enough to help yourself Now. You have a friend or friend even a girl friend to hold your hand to get that professional help. Hi, GREG look in the Mirror, Always believe in yourself, Say to that great and wonderful person (ME) in the mirror I can accomplish anything I want. Greg there is no reason for you to doubt that.Go for it. Live well, Laugh alot, Love much.

May 01, 2009
Greg:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Greg, I just wrote Nancy5 a comment that I must extend to you as well: The first step is admitting you need help; the second is getting that help.

When we need help there are usually small signs at first, little "nudges" that we often ignore, like irritability and sudden irrational outbursts. Then those signs become more pronounced. The "nudges" become "pushes". Then those "pushes" become "a fist to the gut". And when we continue to ignore all of that, we get "a brick upside the head"; that's when the constant rage results in an inability to do our job or maintain a healthy relationship. It can often lead to serious medical problems as well: heart attacks, stroke, a host of ailments.

Your "fist to the gut" was a fist to the wall and possibly losing the love of a woman you clearly love.

You and your step-brother have a bond, a bond that is rooted in abuse. There can be great comfort in such a bond, because no matter what, you both know the pain each of you has faced. But in order to ensure the healing of one is not sabotaged by the other, both of you need to look for help. Seeking that help together (not like couples therapy, but rather, each of you find your own counsellor) could reinforce the bond you share and could also reinforce the healing and recovery process for each of you.

There is no shame in realizing you need help. A wise and honourable man is one who seeks answers, not only of himself, but of others. You ARE a wise and honourable man, Greg.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

May 03, 2009
amazing words of care/love/concern for you
by: Maurice

The gentleness of Darlene's words of support, love, encouragement to you Greg are just powerful. What you need to do is read/re-read her comments and soak in her very heartfelt words to you. She can emphatise with you as with anyone who was beaten on the bottoms/physically and emotionally abused. Her words are most supportive and she's asking you to take ownership of them and begin to live your life to the full again after it all. I can do it, I must do it, I will do it for my own future peace of mind and happiness. That guy in the Mirror Greg can accomplish anything he wants to. Don't you doubt that fact Greg. I'M Special and I love me.

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this, I do try to balance the need for the submitter to be
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