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Mar 06, 2008
It's NOT your fault...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

It's not your fault, Grace. It will never be your fault. Period. No question about it. Argue all you want, it wasn't your fault! You are a PERFECT daughter EXACTLY the way you are. Your mother is the one with the problem. And your father was cruel to have said what he said to you about making your mother disappointed. Both your parents have serious impulse problems. Regardless of the fact that there isn't enough "evidence" for CPS to rule that the abuse was/is substantiated, what your parents are doing is criminal. Your mother is wrong when she says a parent can discipline a child in any manner they choose, though right now I can understand why you would believe her. There ARE limits to what parents can do. Your parents, CPS and others have all let you down, Grace. I'm so sorry for that.

But I want you to know that YOU have NOT let anyone down. Not your brother and not your mother and not your father. You protected your brother from your mother's rages with the belt. He knows you are there for him in so many ways. Besides, it's not your job to protect him; that's the job of your parents. The fact that you have to protect him at all from them is abusive toward you. You're supposed to be learning about yourself, getting an education, making friends, getting acquainted with the world and deciding how you want to contribute to that world. You're not supposed to be constantly worried about the next abusive session.

And Grace, try not blame your brother for the way he continually forgives your father. There's a dynamic there that you don't understand, and that's far too deep for me to go into here. He's not causing his own pain; your father and mother are solely responsible for that. He's no more to blame for what's happening to him than you are. It's not his fault either, Grace.

I urge you to contact Child Help at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) in order to talk to someone about the abuse you and your brother are dealing with. They are staffed 24/7 with professionally trained counsellors who will listen to you. They are not a reporting agency, although they can help you through the process of reporting if you decide to disclose again. You are worth so much more than the terrible treatment you are living with now. You really and truly are. And Grace...I think you're beautiful and that you have a remarkably giving heart.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir


Mar 06, 2008
Thank you Darlene...
by: Grace

Thanks very much Darlene. Just to clarify, i do NOT blame my brother AT ALL for forgiving my dad like he does... I was the exact same way when i was his age - that's why i was such a daddy's girl b/c no matter how bad he hurt me i kept on forgiving him anyway... And what i meant when i mentioned that Ryan keeps forgiving dad is that it just hurts me to see him endure so much pain b/c since i was the exact same way when i was 9, i know what he's going through... And i just want to make his life easier and him hurt less. It's not that i want him to stop forgiving dad, it's just i wish he would stop putting so much faith and trust in dad b/c we both know dad's going to keep letting him down over and over again... I do not blame my brother, it's just hard for me to see him get hurt...

Thanks again for your comment, it really does mean alot!!!

Grace

Mar 06, 2008
An apology...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Grace, my sincere apologies for the misunderstanding. I misinterpreted your words. Thank you for clarifying the situation; and please know that I meant no disrespect.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir



Mar 07, 2008
wow
by: Anonymous

I feel realy bad because i've read lot of stories but this one was really BAD

Mar 10, 2008
I CANT BELIEVE NO ONE WILL DO ANYTHING
by: Anonymous

THAT makes me sooooo mad that noone will do anything and i dont see how you did not have enough evidence. i am only 18 years old but i soon hope one day to become a social worker and i promise i will make a diffrence and help things like that happening please please do not give up and keep going until you get hlep

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