Comments for Child Abuse Story From Glen

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Aug 10, 2008
Not your fault...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Glen, I understand why it is you feel bad about Paul. If I'm reading what you wrote correctly, you somehow feel responsible; but you are NOT responsible. It is very easy as a full-fledged grown-up to place adult values on choices you made as a child, but that is unfair to you. The fact is, you had to find the strength to remove yourself from the abusive situation, which you did. You should be very proud of yourself for that. Not only that, but that you did not keep it secret. That took a tremendous amount of courage, especially as a young male. The fact that Paul was left behind as a result of you leaving was not a failure or character flaw on your part. Give yourself a break.

As for going back to the butcher's shop...again, if I'm reading what you wrote correctly, don't for one more second berate yourself for deciding to give the job another go. Hindsight is 20/20, Glen. Perhaps knowing about the brain development of children and adolescents will help you with regard to the two points I'm referring to here: Your brain was not finished growing when all this happened to you. There is a very good reason that parents remain responsible for their children well into the teen years. Children and adolescents cannot predict the consequences of their actions. Being molested was not your fault, Glen, and neither was the situation with Paul. The responsibility lies squarely with the sex offending creep of a boss you had to somehow navigate around. Not to mention all the workers who witnessed what he did to you, and still did nothing. If they were adults, they enabled the molestations of both of you and of Paul by failing to act. The authorities should have been called. The sex offender should have been prosecuted and sent to prison for his crimes against you and Paul, and likely others.

I won't advise you to seek out some form of counselling, Glen, as I know how you feel about the subject. I will, however, say that not all counsellors are created equally. Just because someone has a degree does not automatically make him/her competent to practice. Not all counsellors are suitable or a "good match" with every person who needs help. My experience in my teens was much like yours: counsellors were inattentive, indifferent or missed the mark entirely. But when I entered therapy with a psychiatrist in my 20's, it was a whole different experience. Pity was NOT a part of the remedial package; working on healing myself WAS, however. I'll leave it at that.

There is another contributor on this site that you might find a bit of a kinship with, Glen. If you haven't already, you can read about his experience at Part 2 of Andrew's Story. If you're compelled to leave a comment, feel free to do so.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Aug 10, 2008
hey there
by: Cassie1

I don't want to direct this to your girlfriend. But I am very srry for that loss... I feel so much sorrow cause #1. my parents have a drinking problem.. #2. They drive while drinking.. (our cops here aren't rlly good) and I was crying through out your whole story cause I just lost my sister last yr. to cancer, And you say that stuff... that I don't rlly want to repeat.. I think you are protective of woman because of you having to save that girl from rape.. and you think in your head. That girl should never have to go through that.. and I don't want to see/ hear about a girls face being full of fear... and the fact that you could go right up to your parents and tell them about that man... is a very great thing.. and shows tremendous courage. It tells me that that bullying did hurt you... but you let it make you stronger instead. I think your parents helped you do that. And you yourself did that. I give you a lot of props.. Your story has helped me tremendously actually... I know this story is going to help others too.. Thankyou for this story. Thankyou for posting it. Your going to help teens and young kids like me. You ARE an inspiration to a lot of people. And reading this story you can tell why.
Thankyou so much,
Cassie1

Aug 11, 2008
Thanky you Cassie and Darlene
by: Anonymous

Hey Cassie,
Thank you for all you have said and i'm sorry if mentioning Cherrie brought it back about your loss over your sister. Its an awful situation to be in. Thats so many people on here that need a shoulder to lean on and just need a hug to let them know theres people who care.
Life and living can be the ugliest thing to experience, it can also be one of the most beautiful things to realise you have. Not only can it be taken so easy, but it can be lived and turn out to be a wonderful thing.
Please take care Cassie, you have a huge part in life to live...your an amazing person so show the world that!
Tc Glen x

Aug 11, 2008
Thankyou
by: Cassie1

I don't think it was so much my sister. But that your story kind of hits the spot for me if thats the way I should say it. I can't say I'm over the passing away because you are never over something like that.. But I've become stronger because of it. And what makes me feel better is telling people about how strong she was and everything about her cause she is and will always be my hero. I do what my sister would do... live life to the fullest no matter whats happened in it.. you may break down sometimes. But it doesn't mean you can't smile. :) Everyone deals with abuse a different way... You dealt with it as not keeping it inside. You knew you could tell. which is a great gift to have. therefore since you didn't keep it inside it made you stronger in the long run. Which is something you should be proud of when you look back to all that you've went through and see how u r now. and thankyou for the compliments. But seriously someone has to say it. I meant all the things I said.

You better take care too!!
Cassie1

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