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Mar 13, 2009
A "Feral Child"...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Exanimis, my heart truly does bleed for what you lived, the horrific abuse that you survived. You said you were more Dog than human. You were what professionals would call a "Feral Child"; a child left to raise himself in isolation and wild. Without benefit of love, compassion and nurturing, it is no wonder you would grow up to make unhealthy choices for yourself. Your own mother told you she wished you had never been born; that is the number one worst statement a parent can say to a child. It tells that child he is rejected and worthless and unlovable. But I'm here to tell you, Exanimis, that you ARE lovable and your ARE worthy and you ARE a human being who deserved love and dignity and respect. The "Dogs" were the malicious people who purposely treated you with such disregard. It is despicable that you would not only be forced to face such heinous abuse at home, but that the school would chose to turn a blind eye to it and offer up their own brand of abuse. I don't blame you for despising that vile and ignorant teacher for her hatred and contempt of a precious and lovable little boy who so badly and desperately needed her help. And then, when you ran away from the horrors of your home and school, you were treated as a criminal, and then left to your own devices to eek out a living for yourself. The question isn't how could you have done the terrible things you chose not to share here; but rather, how could you NOT. I can only hope you learn to forgive yourself, Exanimis. I for one am very happy that you survived, because by doing so you have visited my site and shared some of your most personal story; a story that is very powerful. Thank you for sharing it with my visitors and me.

And just so you know, on the first of April 2009 I will be 51, and I will be thinking of you, dear man, and sending you messages of love and hope.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Mar 13, 2009
Monsters for parents and siblings
by: Francine

Exanimis, I can relate to your embarrassment of being called "Kelly Eugene"; my parents gave me an embarrassing name, too, and I hated it. What your so-called family did to you is horrible and they should've gone to jail for the rest of their miserable lives. You deserved so much better. Have you tried counselling?

Mar 14, 2009
reply
by: Exanimis

Thank you both for the comments and yes I have been to therapy and to group therapy. Group therapy helped me more than anything. I see a psychiatrist once a month and he keeps my medication up to date.
I've read a lot of self help books but they aren't meant for people like me. Having been diagnosed as bi-polar with PTSD. I don't think books can solve my problems. I read a child called it a few years ago but didn't feel like that kid had really gone through that much, especially since he was rescued by social services when he was twelve. If just one of the times that I ran away, a police officer had taken me to child protective services instead of taking me back to that hell hole things might have been different.

I said that I have always considered myself to be a dog boy, it's not because I was treated like a dog. My parents actually treated their dogs pretty good. I say I am a dog boy because I prefer their company. I understand and trust dogs but I'll never understand or trust people.

Mar 15, 2009
Thx for sharing!
by: Tati

Exanimis,
Thanks for sharing. I am doing a research project on neglect and abuse in an effort to finding ways of prevent, intervene and treat adolescents.

You mentioned you feel good around dogs because you trust them. Do you have one of your own? I sure hope so.

"There is no psychiatrist like a dog licki┬┤ng your face."

Animals do wonders. :)

Mar 17, 2009
touched too my heart
by: touched2mysoul

I read your story... i was touched to my heart ... I wish you love and peace... thank you for sharing your story... may god bless you

Apr 01, 2009
A birthday wish...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I send wishes of a very happy 50th birthday to you, Exanimis as I celebrate my own (51st). I pray that your fifties bring about peace and contentment in your life; goodness knows you deserve it.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Apr 01, 2009
Birthday greetings
by: Exanimis

I came on the site today with the intention of wishing you a happy birthday. It seems that you have beaten me to it.

My neighbor came over yesterday with the news that his chihuahua had her puppies. My Chihuahua Gin Gin died in February and he knows that I have been looking for another. I have my pick of the litter in six weeks. That's the best news I've had in a long time and a fantastic birthday present.

Happy birthday Darlene. I hope it is as good as mine.

From Darlene: It was, Exanimis. I got to spend the whole day with my husband, doing lots of fun stuff. We even baked and decorated my birthday cake together; lots of laughing. First time in years my husband hasn't been curling or doing something curling related on my birthday, so it was special. Thank you for thinking of me. And congrats on the puppy news! Soon you'll have one of the best companions man could ever hope for; there is nothing like the unconditional love of a four-legged friend to keep one's spirits up. SO happy that your 50th was special, indeed, one to remember.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Apr 17, 2009
He's with you
by: Felicia

Exanimis,

May God bless you in all that you do! Remember, HE has a plan for your life and purpous on this Earth. He's brought you too far to leave you now. You survived a traumatic past and are still here today communicating with people like us, who care and understand. We must not forget all the things God himself went through, He understands more than anyone. Be close with Him, He will forever be with you.

Your story is unforgettable and you will certainly be in my prayers.

May 07, 2009
wow
by: Disabled Survivor

I feel bad that you had to go through that kind of abuse. I will keep you in my prayers. I know that you went through alot but guess what? YOU SURVIVED!!!!!!!! I also wanted to wish you a belated happy birthday.

May 09, 2009
Something To Remember
by: Dana

I am that guy who you see on the street and fear. I'm the guy that your family always told you to stay away from.No, you're not! You sound like a sweet man who wouldn't hurt anybody. IF your mother was like that just because you weren't a girl then that's totally ignorant. My dad wanted a boy and now, he loves me alot and is very proud to have me as a daughter so she should've loved you and been proud of you, also. I love you even though I don't know you.

May 13, 2009
why are some human beings not even human to each other.
by: maurice

Mans/womans in humanity to another. Oh Exanimis. Finding words to describe my feelings right now is difficult for me. Every abuse story is real but some are more real than others. Your's in paticular took the heart out of me. How anyone could treat you as they did is totally beyond me amd my widest imagination. I was going through my abuse the years you and Darlene were born. Birthdays are very special because once we begin to make a sense of that most wonderful day in all our lives than we are beginning to acknowledge myself person. I am beautiful that's for sure but for so many of my years I never accepted or thought like that or was never allowed to think like that. Exanimis I know you still find it ever so hard to even think like that. But at 50 years of age you have a life to live. live it to the full and the best you can each day you wake up. Don't isolate yourself from people or society. You are one very special person NOW. You always were but because of the ill treatment and abuse you became a nobody in yourself. No fault of yours Exanimis. Letting go of those awful memories/scars of yesteryear is not easy. To be treated less than a the dogs is not something one can let go of too easy. I hope and pray you have one/two/three people in your life that really value for who you are now. whom you have trusted with your horrible abuse.How to see a God of love, mercy and forgiveness in it all Exanimis is not for you clearly yet. Don't blame GOD. It was Human's who do not believe, who do not know a God who treated you as such. cruelty is what you suffered at their hands. Slaves, I can indetify all you say because my poor mother worked like one for the people she worked for to rear me. They treated her pretty poorly, payed her poorly, worked her hard as any of the men who worked on the farm. these men were not nice to her either. She was one great woman my mother. I would say she never accepted she was abused she lived such a simple life on innocence. Exanimis for now know my heart goes out to you. You have found a safe place to talk to real loving people beginning with Darlene a true caring human being. all her visitors do love each other simply because they feel the pain/the hurt/ the awfulness of having been abused. Please begin to LOVE yourself, begin to see your own beautifulness, let the mirror be you friend to begin acknowledgeing that fact. I am beautiful, I am special and I am me in my own right.

Apr 01, 2010
A birthday wish
by: Anonymous

Happy birthday Darlene

Apr 01, 2010
And to you...
by: Darlene Barriere

You beat me to it, Exanimis! I thought about you all day yesterday, knowing we would share our special day today. Happy birthday to you too, my birthday buddy.

Apr 16, 2010
The Human Touch with empathy.
by: maurice

Belated, Belated Belated best wishes and blessings on reaching and celebrating the golden years of your birthing days. The greatest day in both your lifes. Nice one Exaanimis and Darlene. You site Darlene has the human touch. all your visitors know how beautiful loving, caring, understanding you are of where there are at and coming from in their wanting to heal from their abuse. You truly empatise with each one from that healing and loving heart of yours. Thank you. Knowing and wishing a Happy Birthday to one of your visitiors makes us all aware you truly care.

Aug 10, 2010
nothing special
by: Exanimis

I just found out that I can receive an E-mail whenever this post is commented on. I am simply trying to fill in my address.

Aug 14, 2010
I'm Alive: I'm awake: I'm alert and very entuastic
by: maurice

Examinis: it is great you are getting on with living your life to the full: I've been away fromm the site for a few weeks as I was preapring to leave home and move: I am now in my new house and I am back seeking love and support from all the great and wonderful genuine human beings like myself who have related there abuse stories: I see I have shared three comments with you: I hope you are in a good place right now: I was reading Darlene's comment to you: If you have acted on her heartfelt words I am certain you are in thet special place for you in your life just now: Be safe: stay safe: live well: laugh alot: Love much: because you are WORTH it.

Nov 11, 2010
i just wanted to say....
by: ruby

i just wanted to say it is awful what you had to go through as a child. I am very sorry for all the horrible things you went through. You are truly a survivor and I commend you for moving on wih your life. I think you sound like a very kind ad gently guy and I hope you can see that oneday....well just though i d put that out there..god bless and best wishes in your life in the years to come.

Nov 17, 2010
My heart still empatises with you
by: maurice

My heart went out to you in my very first comment there it has remained even from a distance: Examinis you truly are one brave and remarkable human being: Always believe in yourself: Your the man of the moment now not the past Examinis: Be true to your wonderful and beautiful self: I sincerely hope you are full alive in a whole new world around you: You sure deserve the best NOW: The nice thing about Darlene site is: Her visitors and herself are heart to heart with the empathy shared in a comment: It made a difference in my life after I told my story: My horizons were broadened and I began loving myself the real me for the first time: with plenty of love and empathy from my real friends and counselling: I believe counselling is a must if an abused person want to truly love, value, respect the real me in the mirror to begin being gentle and kind through the healing process of therapy: Examinis from my heart to yours I sincerely hope you are celebrating you and celebrating life having a healthy mind in a healthy body: Take good care of yourself: 50 and half years from your birthing day

Apr 01, 2012
Examinis:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

A very happy birthday to my birthday buddy. May your day be filled with peace and joy. And as always, I send you love, light and healing energy.

Apr 01, 2012
Happy Birthday
by: Anonymous

Thank you once again for the well wishes. I hope you have a fantastic day and wish you and your family the very best of health

Mar 06, 2013
The Horror
by: Anonymous

Exanimus, your mom was deeply troubled and sadistic. I know you wanted love from her, but she was too dangerous to be trusted. As for your older brother, he cannot be trusted neither because he was groomed or brainwashed by your mom into being abusive to you. As for that teacher that you still hate, well, shame on her because teachers are supposed to help their students, not the other way around. Now that you got away from them, your healing can start in earnest.

Mar 06, 2013
The dignity that you deserve
by: Anonymous

Exanimus, your story is a bit like mine and it's honestly disturbing. Great that you worked to get out because no more secrets can and will help put an end to the cycle of abuse and helplessness.

Apr 01, 2013
Birthday
by: Exanimis

Wishing you the best birthday wishes for today Darlene, I hope this is the best ever.

Apr 01, 2013
Exanimis:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

And a blessedly wonderful birthday wish is being sent your way from an already-blessed birthday buddy! Love & light to you, Exanimis.

Apr 01, 2014
Happy Birthday
by: Anonymous

Happy birthday darlene and again, thank you for this site. I hope you are having a wonderful day and year>

Apr 01, 2014
Birthday wishes...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

And a VERY happy birthday to you too, Exanimis! I've been having a wonderful year, with the expectation that this year will be even better. Hope the same for you, my birthday buddy.

Darlene

Apr 01, 2015
That time of year again...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Here's wishing you a VERY happy birthday, Exanimis. I think of you often, and wonder how you're doing.

Apr 01, 2015
Happy Birthday
by: Exanimis

Happy Hirthday Darlene, I hope you are doing well and that you have had a great year.I appologize for not coming here as often as I should.

Nov 16, 2015
Inspiration
by: ann

Dear Exanimis. I have just recently come across this site and have been reading each and every story since Darlene has started this site. Not one story has touched me as deeply as yours.Being an abuse survivor myself I so badly want to do a talk on abuse and effects thereof but have been struggling to gather the courage to "open" myself up to judgement. Your story, has finally given me the courage to speak out. Because of you and the terrible pain and heartache you have suffered, I know that I HAVE TO do this to try and alleviate the suffering of our children. Bless you sir, and know that you have been my inspiration to step up and speak out. Thank you.
Darlene, thank you for this site. All children are gifts from God, given to us to love and cherish and you do that in every comment, every word....You are truly one of God's greatest gifts. Thank you

Apr 01, 2016
Exanimis:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Here we are, another year gone by. Just wanted to wish my birthday buddy a very happy birthday. I hope healing energy continues to surround you. I wish you comfort and a sense of purpose going forward, Exanimis.

Sincerely,
Darlene Barriere

Apr 01, 2016
Happy Birthday
by: Anonymous

I always seem to think of you on our birthday and I try to post and wish you the best. Happy Birthday and thank you for remembering your birthday buddy :)

Apr 01, 2017
To Exanimis - 2017 Birthday Wishes
by: Darlene - Webmaster

Here we are, another year, another birthday buddy moment. I do hope you are well. I think of you at this time of year, but also throughout, especially when I'm reading and posting certain stories on the site. You'll always hold s special place in my heart.

Have a lovely day and celebrate knowing that there are people celebrating with you.

With loving kind regards,
Darlene

Apr 01, 2017
Happy birtday
by: Anonymous

I lost my PC a few months ago and all I have now is my phone and a tablet. When my PC crashed I lost the links to all of the sites I visit, I've been looking for this one and wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday. I truly hope that you and your loved ones are all having a wonderful year.

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stories on this site are true. While I cannot guarantee
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From Victim to Victory
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