Comments for Child Abuse Story From Eve

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Jul 22, 2009
 Eve:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me. As I wrote on Mary4's child abuse story last night, I can no longer comment personally to my contributors, as I must focus on writing and other child abuse related aspirations that will allow me to reach many more people. Stories, commentaries, articles, and comments will still be accepted and encouraged.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir
Jul 23, 2009
 Hi from a fellow australian
by: kristen

Hi Eve,

I just thought I would say hi from a fellow aussie. I just felt a sort of connection. I was abused but not sexually so in a way I feel hard to relate to many of the posters here. In fact I feel guilty in a way because many others have been subject to such horendus abuse.

It just seemed that we had something in common. Very controlling parents. Comments about weight. My parents were always keeping an eye on me and what I ate. I remember small meals and always being hungry and all through school being made to wear netball skirts. The idea was to have my body on show and it worked. I was acutely aware of any bit of body fat. And asking permission even in my late teens to do anything.

Anyway I know we are different and I just wanted to say I was thinking of you.
Jul 24, 2009
 True love of children is not making them feel they are lucky because of money bags
by: Maurice

Eve, a percent of parents can be so ignorant of their true roll especially those with wealth make they children feel ever so insecure by saying such things, you are lucky, you owe us something because of all the money we are spending on you etc. using it as a control mechanism which certainly proves their love for you is monetary and not genuine heart felt love at the beautiful and wonderful gift you are to them. More so the wonderful and gifted person you are in your own right. Now is the time for you to build up your own self worth, self esteem, think wholesome positive thoughts about yourself, while it may take time but you must take control of your own life. Your Father will in time value you for your acknowledging I am myself in my own right NOW. I am responsible and see the need to do well and my best in University because it is my OWN future that matters to me. Your Father is very unfair even now you being 20 years of age to make you feel guilty. All you can do is your best and whatever the result is then let it be. Think positive, act positive, be positive in all you do, make sense of the negativeness of your father making you feel guilty. With your Mam both of you can help each other by helping your Father to see sense and to change in order to build you up in your own right as his wonderful and gifted daughter. Taking the pressure of you. Eve, live well, laugh alot, LOVE much beginning with yourself and then sharing it out to you very special pearls in your life The ones you call friend. I am certain you have related your most intimate of feelings to such a gift in your life called friend. Always try to have a healthy mind in a health body, be alive, awake, alert and ever enthusiastic about living each day of your life to the full. I can, I will, I must, Build up a good mirror image of yourself. I'M SPECIAL AND I LOVE ME. I AM BEAUTIFUL. BELIEVE THAT ABOUT YOURSELF.
Jul 25, 2009
 Reply to kristen
by: Eve

Hey kristen,
Are you the kristen3 who wrote 3 parts of a story? because I could relate to yours when I read it. It's true, it's difficult to relate to most of the posters here because they've been through scenes so horrifying that we sometimes feel guilty of complaining about emotional abuse. But I feel that if I do not share my story, all the after-effects of abuse will be eating me up inside. Thanks for responding to my story. Sorry to hear that you struggle from weight criticism too. Let us stay strong and not wait for anyone to tell us we're body beautiful ok? As long as we stay healthy and active, that's the most important thing. Do share with me more :)

From Darlene: Eve, I can understand why you would want to exchange email addresses, but this is strictly prohibited on my site, as I have no way of knowing who is on my site and what their motives are; the safety of my visitors is very important to me. Email addresses are not permitted. Thank you for your understanding.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir
Jul 25, 2009
 Reply to Maurice
by: Eve

Thanks for such a motivating reply. I really appreciate it. About making my father see the wonderful being I am, I've already given up trying to change his view towards me. I've been through my whole life trying to please him, only to realize that in his eyes, I'm a lazy, dishonest, slow, messy, disorganised girl. In a way, I am slow and disorganised, I really hate that about myself because I even have a reputation among my friends for being slow, clumsy and blur. I try to tell myself that I'm like this because I believed it when my father said I was like that but I can't seem to shake off my slowness. That's one thing I really do not like about myself. I know I should change my perception but I wish to also change the fact I'm so blur sometimes. But Maurice, you make me feel like I should get a therapist so that I can build my self esteem as you adviced. Thank you :)
Jul 26, 2009
 Reply to Eve
by: kristen

Hi Eve,
Yes I am kristen3.

I am OK with not exchanging email addresses although it would be wonderful to meet, I quite understand Darlene's concern but I was kind of flattered that you had wanted to do that. Made my day actually. :)

I hope your day is going well too.

kristen.
Jul 27, 2009
 Who am I ??? a very important question for each of us to answer honestly
by: maurice

Sadly Eve, most of us live a good part of our life imagining we are only the person another person made us out to be as a child/teenager/adolescent. It happens most of us that our parents/teachers/guardians/clergy make us feel so inadequate that it stays with us for some time in our life. Who am I ? is just one question I have to answer for my self now. I thankful let go of another's opinion of me when I was 33. The power within me allowed me to let go of my Dean of Discipline/teachers/clergy opinion of me. I had to deal with being an only child of a single mam. Once I got the chance to be me I had the advice of a counsellor and very close and dear friends my 2 closest whom I shared my all with and who understood me. It took me about 10 years to stand in front of the Mirror and say this is me. All that I have to work with is me now. With those friends and my own positive attitude about myself I am free to be that wonderful and beautiful person I was born to be. Eve, I had to really work at it and sadly from time to time The childhood attitude's the above had of me kept on returning but I was strong enough to push them away very quickly from my mind. So Eve, begin slowly to see the beautiful and real you. If moving slowly or whatever is you that is you, don't be making excuses for it, It is not because your father treated you like a piece of whatever than as a lovely birthed child of your mother. I can, I will, I must your uplifting loving words for your own good keep saying to yourself. The old song puts I get knocked down, but I get up again. You can do it Eve, just for you and you alone. Hug your slow and beautiful self if that is your personality. You are not any way only in your own mind. Others opinions of you that matter most are the one's that build up your self worth and your self esteem. Your Fathers opinions and other that do the opposite to those are very wrong. don't heed them. Yes a few visits to a therapist or counsellor will help you begin the process of saying I am beautiful, I am me in my own right. I wish and pray you will Eve.
Jul 31, 2009
 just some more
by: kristen

Hi Eve,

I was thinking about you and I came back and re read your story and I wanted to write some more. I have to confess partly selfishly in that I find writing helps me otherwise it just goes round and round and round in my head and partly because I just want to encourage you. And I guess that a feel a bit of a connection.

We are both Aussies,
We are both female
We are both from well off families
My father would administer the punishment
My mother would have me remove my clothes (not in front of him as that would be immodest) and she would inspect me.

I also felt that " my father had good intentions under all the strict rules ".

I hope you don't mind me writing so much about me. It seems so selfish and yet in a way here is one place where I can be selfish. Seems weird hey.

I understand your panic attacks when something goes wrong. I remember just the abject fear that would sweep through me and it wasnot just the fear of being beaten but also the really intense feeling of having failed. Failed them, failed myslf, failed the family.

But like you, people know me as a happy positive smiling person.

I agree that if people did notice something, I would cover it up or explain it away and move the conversation on.

I really hope you go well in your university studies and that will give you confidence to move on in your life.

What do you want to do there? By that I mean, I struggle with I love my parents and I am tied to them even though I am married I am still very tightly connected so I have not been able to move away if that makes sense. So I will understand if you want to keep contact with them and I will also understand if you want to just have nothing more to do with them or something inbetween if that makes sense.

Anyway, have a good weekend. I hope this gets to you as it is Sat morning here.

kristen
Apr 08, 2014
 "the girl who smiles a lot"
by: Marcella F

Dear Eve,

I have also constantly been called "the girl who smiles a lot," the "happy" one, from middle school through college where I am now. I want you to know that even in that, you are not alone. Isn't it frustrating that however sad or angry you feel, your face smiles and that's all anyone can see? For me, it made it worse that I DID actually want to be happy, and smile in a genuine way. But everyone's comments made me feel so lonely I considered taking my life.

Sending you love and prayers. Thank you for sharing your story. I have always wondered if I was the only one.

Marcella

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