Comments for Child Abuse Story From Elle M

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Feb 25, 2012
 Elle M:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

I commend and applaud that you want to go to college (very important) and become a therapist in order to help others. But you need to help your Self first. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and love; and now that you're an adolescent, that starts with YOU. Even though others may treat you poorly and abuse you, it doesn't mean you have to treat your Self in the same way. And though you are not currently experiencing physical abuse, the effects of what you've endured at the hands of so many others WILL haunt you, unless and until you get the help you need to deal with those effects. Your mother cares, but she seems ill-equipped to deal with what happens in her own life and as such, puts her children at risk. I'm not denigrating her; it's just an observation. Your stepfather is ill-equipped to deal with the responsibilities of being a father (he has a lot of anger and hostility), however, it's up to your mother to ensure you are NOT abused. She has neglected her responsibilities over the years, which is partly why you've been singled out. Your mother is not your friend, Elle M. Your mother is your parent; and as difficult as it is to believe at this point in your life, she cannot be both. Her job as your mother is keeping you safe from harm, loving you unconditionally, and providing the appropriate guidance as you move through the various ages and stages of your life. She cannot discipline you appropriately when necessary if she's being your friend. There's a huge difference between having open communication and being able to talk to your mother vs being your "friend". The distinction is important when it comes to ensuring your safety.

If and when things get to be too much, consider one of the hotlines listed on my stories page, depending on where you live, in order to talk to someone confidentially. I send you love, light and healing energy, Elle M. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Feb 26, 2012
 where was everyone - teachers, doctors, etc??
by: My Two Cents

Elle M, your story is really disturbing. You wrote you're 16 now. It's 2012, so you grew up in the 2000 decade. There are safeguards in place that should have caught what was going on.

For example, teachers, social workers, doctors, nurses, bus drivers, educational assistants; all of those people are mandated reporters. Their professional lisencing bodies and the law both require that they report SUSPICIONS of child abuse to the authorities. You decribed severe beatings and being burned with a lighter (?) in your story. Those things would have left physical evidence that would be clearly visible to anyone with eyes.

Then you wrote that your dad was sent to jail and there were photos and videotape evidence. I got the sense social services was involved after that? They should have been doing follow-up and checking to make sure you were ok. If you're making suicide attempts, getting into fistfights as a 12 year old with your step dad...???? Where on earth was social services? That shouldn't have happened, especially not on an ongoing basis.

I'm always frustrated and saddened when I read these stories. Social services seems to have dropped the ball in your case. I would call them and insist on services. They may not be able to fix the past, but they certainly should do their best to give you all the tools you need to succeed and move forward.

Be well.

My Two Cents.
Feb 26, 2012
 well, i know where child welfare was recently...
by: My Two Cents

This is unbelievable...

A 4 year old girl drew a picture of daddy shooting something with a gun. The teacher who saw it called child welfare, and then child welfare called the cops to arrest the dad while they interviewed the other kids from the home.

The punchline? It was a TOY GUN that shot foam darts! I don't get how they bring out the big guns for a picture of a TOY GUN when actual abuse like you and others have described isn't even noticed?!

It's in the Sun media chain of newspapers under the headline "drawing conclusions" by Kris Sims of the Parliamentary Bureau on Feb 26/12. It happened in Kitchener, Ontario.
The family is pissed off and removing their kids from the school. I'm guessing a lawsuit is in the works.

"Traumazied family sues jackbooted thugs who arrested an innocent dad over a 4 year old's drawing of a toy gun!"

I understand the concern over the possibility that there was a gun in the home with a 4 year old, but there had to be a better way to handle this....

Be well.

My Two Cents.

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