Comments for Child Abuse Story From Denise

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Jun 09, 2011
Denise:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Your story clearly shows neglect and physical abuse by your mother. But perhaps in ways you don't realize. Your mother encouraged your siblings (at the very least, one of them) to beat and berate you; that's not only emotional abuse on YOU, it's also neglect and emotional abuse on THEM. What she taught them lived with them for the rest of their lives, and affected them severely. Not only that, they witnessed your mother abusing you, and then she encouraged them to beat on you as well. That set up at least one of your siblings to be sociopath, possibly bordering on psychopathy. It was an insidious form of child abuse. I do need to be clear here about what your sibling did to you: It does not fit the legal definition of child abuse. Yes, you were both children, but it falls under a different category of abuse. That's not to say it didn't have a severe impact on you. Of course it did; how couldn't it! But I would say that your mother's various forms of abuse against you and your siblings are more to blame for the repercussions you now face. And also the lack of action from others who must have realized something wasn't right in your environment. Your teachers failed you every bit as much as your mother did. In essence, they contributed to the abuse by choosing to do nothing about what they had to have known was going on. Please consider some form of counselling in order to help you deal with the repercussions. And for goodness sake, draw a permanent line in the sand if this sibling is still abusive. You had no power or the ability to choose when you were growing up; your mother saw to that. You DO have the ability to take back that power now as an adult. Everybody failed you as a child, Denise. Don't be like the rest of them and fail your Self now as an adult. Treat your Self with the dignity, respect and love that you were denied. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir

Jun 09, 2011
reply from Denise...
by: Denise from Maryland

Thanks for your reply and support. I am in counseling, and have been going every week for 2 and a half years. It has helped greatly, and fortunately for me the "sisterzilla" as I call her,lives 1500 miles away from me now. When she came into town a few months ago, I started getting violently ill to my stomach. I knew it was nerves from the past abuse. I am moving on with my life, I just found a new job after looking for something in my particular career field after looking for 2 years when the economy tanked. I am looking forward to a new life with the new job, and I am also planning on getting a new horse within the next year. It seems like horse therapy has been the best thing for me, and has really brought me out of my "shell". I had a horse a long time ago in another state, but I had to sell him before I moved. That was always when I was the happiest. So, I now have a renewed interest in my life, as well as a new job, and I am going to continue on and try to not look back at my past and move on to my future.

Jun 10, 2011
Denise...
by: Anonymous

Denise, you were given a raw deal because your mom was so twisted in her own ways if thinking that she didn't even know how to take care of herself, not to mention be a mother to you. She didn't know how to love even herself; all she ever knew was hate, so she should've known better and loved and cherished you and protected you from harm. Oh, and I can't believe that she would brutally beat and abandon you to this sick monster of a sister and allow her to beat, torture and berate you everyday...how dare she! I'm pretty sure that your so-called mom must've abused your siblings (especially your sister) by teaching them to sadistically abuse and be anti-social towards you. If they didn't want to be there, then they should've had the courage to give you up for adoption and leave instead of sadistically abusing you. The path that they chose was and still is inexcusable. Oh, and I can relate; I, too, was the youngest and my brother would almost always beat the living daylights out of me and my parents never protected me from him. Anyway, you are not to blame for their sadistic, ignorant behavior; they are to blame because they chose to torture and abuse you. You were the child, your mom was the adult; she had all the power (while she relinquished some to your siblings) and she, along with your siblings, only misused that power over you. I really hope that you're in a safe place now, that you try counselling and that you look into reporting them. I am thinking of you.

Jun 12, 2011
be brave: Be Strong: Love your beautiful Self
by: maurice

Denise: Darlene gave you such loving, affirming caring words to work with so that you begin to believe you are the most important child/teenager/ young adult woman ever to be born: You could not help to be born into such a sicko of a family: A cruel sadistic mother and equally uncaring father who seemed to not chastice your older siblings to treat you with love and respect as their sister: Physical beating with a belt I can empatise with you in: punching and the rest not so much: Humiliation and been made feel small in front of other that too I can empatise with you in: Letting go ain't easy Denise but you will: Stop worrying that you need to be nice to the one's who gave you hell on earth as a child and most of your life: They were wrong: They did you and injustice and you have the mental and physical scars to live with: Counselling it will be tough at times but I am certain you will be the winner over your abusers once your counsellor helps you put it all in persapective and move on: Begin living your life for yourself NOW: have good friends and people around you to make you feel good about yourself: Slowly but very surely let go of the effects of the belt beatings and all the other wrong stuff done to you by parents who should have loved and cherished you (but Did'nt) siblings likewise: Yes the teachers failed you too: As anonymous put it Denise you did not deserve such a raw deal: Don't Quit: Don't give up on yourself: Be gentle and kind on yourself and that beautiful body of yours Massage/rub nice creams/oils into and all over especially those parts that you lost your dignity in while that belt was being used: Hug and cuddle love into that body era go on it will give you good feelings: Hi have a healthy mind in a healthy body take part with other like-minded people in Golfing, boxing, swimming sure you might even try some form of athletic's you are a young woman with years of life to live to the full: so don't be feeling too much pity for yourself: Stay in counselling and you'll be a winner:

Jun 12, 2011
reply to comments
by: Denise from Maryland

Just wanted to say thank you to everyone for your support. One very important thing I forgot to mention, and maybe I was somehow forgetting to mention was that mom was in and out of psych wards for "Narcissistic Personality Disorder". I sure hope I spelled that right. She had been diagnosed with it for many years by many different doctors.I know that her illness is very difficult to treat if not almost impossible. I could sit here and say poor me, BUT, I am moving on with my life. Yes, I am in counseling, and it does help, but I have a long ways to go. I have set some goals for myself, and the first is to be successful at my new job where I will be starting at the end of the month, as I havent worked in 2 and a half years due to the move from another state, and the economy tanking at about the same time I moved. I am not in Maryland, and I used that state, as I do not want to be identified for privacy reasons, BUT I will say that where I moved is where I was always the happiest. My second goal is within 6 months to a year, I WILL be getting a new horse as I had to sell my one and only horse a few years ago when I moved from that state. A very dear friend has gotten me involved with horses again, and I realise that when I was always happiest was when I was at the horse barn. Not always riding, but just being around those most graceful and magnificent animals. I am a strong believer in animal therapy, and my recent re-interest in horses has caused me to make a total turn around in my life.

Jun 13, 2011
One Beautiful chld of God and the Universe: That is who you are
by: maurice

Denise, Reading your reply: the joy and the happiness it gave me: You are so precious and special absolutely valueing and respecting that about yourself at long last: Through no fault of yours the effects of the abuse perpetrated on you did not allow you to grow, to mature into the wondeful and great woman you are today: I grew up along side a farm and I used love the horses tooand the freedom to Thank God for his beautiful and wonderful creation of the world around me away from the effects of abuse that I was burdened with for so long: We both are in a good space now: We are ourselves in our own right and mind: Thanks to this site my self belief soars when I read the slow success stories of each visitor to the Safe Haven Site: The love, the care, the understanding, the empatising of My (our) wonderful friend, care, who has built up a special heart to heart realationship with each of her visitors Darlene: empathy in my understanding is her great gift as she has journeyed through, worked through her own abuse: become victim into victory by therapy, by trusting impliciy her therapist she taught me and all of her visitors of the importance of trust: and power of counselling: Denise: have a great life form here on: letting go; living well: laughing alot: Loving much especially the most important woman, person friend Myself: Good on you for giving such hope to so many here on Darlene's site

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