Comments for Child Abuse Story From Danielle For My Daughters

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Feb 05, 2012
 Danielle:
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

You've been very honest about your feelings. I can understand your feelings and emotions about this. On a logical level you understand your daughters are not to blame. On an emotional level you're lashing out your anger at them. It's good that you see this, because you cannot change what you don't acknowledge. Now for some perspective: Your daughters have no choices of their own. They have no rights. They are completely reliant on you and other adults in their lives. When you are angry at them, they believe they are to blame. They internalize what they are experiencing, and put the responsibility of all that's gone wrong on themselves. That's the nature of children. Your daughters will never speak up unless and until they believe it's safe to do so; and right now, it's not safe for them. I don't know that they'll ever feel safe. But they are little girls, Danielle! Babies! Do not put expectations on them that they cannot be held responsible for. You said you're in inner child therapy. This type of therapy could well be crossing over into your life as a mother with your daughters, especially given the circumstances. I'm not suggesting you stop. I'm suggesting you speak openly to your therapist so that you can gain more perspective, as well as tap into something that you may not yet realize: that you've made a breakthrough with your own therapy as a result of what has happened with your daughters, a breakthrough that your therapist is in a better position to explain. Your emotional health is very important to you and your family, so please talk to your therapist. I send you and your daughters love, light and healing energy, Danielle. Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Feb 05, 2012
 Damielle
by: Rita M

Dear Danielle,
I appreciate the fact that you are being honest about how you feel.You are in quite a bind,but don't give up.While you are going to therapy tell
your therapist what you are experiencing here.The
one thing you need to realize that the girls need you so they can have someone to trust.
I know you don't mean to target them because of your fears and what is happening to your children.
You really need to be calm and understanding them.
Would it be possible to take your children with you to the therapist so the she can refer you and
your daughters to a family therapist?It looks like yoou are alone and need support from other
sources as well to ease the pain you and your daughters are going through.Support is really important.It can maybe take the pressure off of your shoulders.Ask your therapist if there are any other families that are going through this and
if they meet in a group.Do you have a church that
you can talk to the pastor or priest so that you
can eliviate the pressure you are under?Please don't give up.I know by the way you have written
about your children you love them.Please tell them it is not their fault.There are shelters for battered women that have group or one on one councelling.Is there a possibility that you can ask your lawyer if you can have sole custody?If you can have that then you can decide at your own disgression what you can do with your girls if you want them to see the father or not.The main thing is getting yourself calmed down and then talking to your girls and assuring them it is not their fault.Tell them you are doing the best you can to help them feel better.There must be some way you can get help here.I believe in hope and my heart really goes out to you and your girls.
Try to get lots of rest so you can attend to the
girls properly.They need a calm enviroment.It's easier said than done.Do you have any hobbies while they are seeing their father?Try to occupy yourself and associate with mothers in the same
situation.As soon as the girls see this pattern of you being calm they will get the messege that
it is a safe haven with you.Please don't be in this alone.Support is what you need.God Bless and
peace be with you.

Rita M
Feb 06, 2012
 ...
by: Anonymous

Can you clarify where she is lashing her anger out on her children? I don't see this from her post.
I see her as a distraught, frustrated mother who is looking for guidance and answers.

Danielle, please hang in there. In the meantime, look into getting a child advocate assigned to your daughters - they will act as a thrid party keeping your daughters best interests at heart & honestly, it does look good when you try and give them a voice legally.
Simply look into your county court system for an advocate.

Good luck to you.

From Darlene - Webmaster: I'm not in a position to be able to have a dialogue about this...briefly, when we are in therapy dealing with issues from our own past, they often interfere with our present. Dealing with sexual child abuse from the past and the anger associated with re-living the memories is easily transferred onto the children in our lives. This can be magnified if one's children have been sexually abused, as is the case here. This is a form of transference. That's why it's so important for one to speak openly to one's therapist if these feelings towards one's children arise.

From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
author. speaker. survivor. coach
From Victim to Victory, a memoir
Feb 17, 2012
 Never say hopeless
by: Rita M

Dear Daneille,
I am hoping you are feeling well about everything
and that you are getting enough rest and councelling that is helpfull.I have been really thinking of you and wish I could hear from you on line.I wish for you be healty during this tough time in your life.Please keep reaching out and
letting your feelings out online here.I hope you
know how important you are and that you must be heard.Never give up.You alone are worthy of help
and can pass it on to your children that need you. You have shown how you love your children just by sharing your story.I hope you can be surrounded by people that understand you and your children well.Advice like'just hang in there' is not enough to be encouraged by as you need strong support. You are already strong but you need others to help you while you are induring this
problem.I hope you can find it in your heart to
at least keep sahring with us if you are not able
to find someone to talk to.There is healthy support on this site.May the Light Shine on you andyour girls.
Rita M

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