Comments for Child Abuse Story from Dan Part 1

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Jan 31, 2008
Inhuman and humiliating...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Dan, the punishment your parents doled out was nothing short of spiteful and cruel. It wasn't done to teach right from wrong; it was done to humiliate and embarrass you, put you down and disgrace you. Such heartless punishment taught you submission and hatred, anger and hostility. They scarred you for life with their debasing methods of so-called discipline. They exposed you, physically and emotionally. They set you up for future abuse at the hands of others.

Dan, I'm outraged by the undignified way your parents treated you. Being made to stand naked in front of teenage girls when you were 15 years old AFTER being humiliated in front of them by being strapped naked with a belt by your father would have likely resulted in another form of pure humiliation. It is not unusual for young males to have an erection when they are scared, anxious or nervous. You didn't say this happened to you, but I suspect it did. And if it did, I can only imagine the horror you must have felt. My heart is breaking for the young man who was so shamefully mistreated.

You didn't deserve to be treated so callously. You didn't deserve to have to deal with such shame. And you didn't deserve to be spanked. I am morally and ethically opposed to spanking, in any form, because hitting children is wrong. Spanking has serious side effects, side effects that are life-long, side effects that are so unnecessary when teaching children values. You could be the poster child for those life-long side effects. So please, don't ever say you deserved to be spanked. That's like saying you deserved to be abused.

What you DESERVED was fair and respectful discipline done in private. What you DESERVED was fair and respectful discipline that taught you the difference between right and wrong. What you DESERVED was fair and respectful discipline that taught you there were logical consequences for inappropriate behaviour. Your parents failed on all counts, Dan. They failed miserably. They taught you that you weren't "good enough" to warrant being treated with dignity. I'm here to loudly claim that you WERE and ARE deserving of dignity and that you WERE and ARE "good enough."

I sincerely hope you'll treat yourself with dignity and respect by seeking out the help of a counsellor, Dan, someone who can help you deal with the emotional residual of what happened to you.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir


Feb 04, 2008
How humiliating!!!
by: Anonymous

What a terrible thing to do to a young boy,I'm sorry you had to live through such abuse.You're parents were heartless and cruel.I have a 9 year old son and I could not imagine him suffering such indignities.My hope is that you have inner peace and comfort now.

Mar 31, 2008
Embarassing
by: Francine

Dan, I couldn't agree with you more, your parents sure embarrassed you for "not being nice". I don't see it as punishment, I see it as abuse and humiliation! I love you, Dan. Hang in there, sweetheart.

Aug 12, 2008
Ok, but......
by: Richard

***Comment removed as inappropriate by Darlene Barriere - Webmaster***

Note to Richard: Your position on this issue is so out of sync with other professionals and goes against reams and reams of documented research (much of which is current) that I find myself questioning the claim of your profession. You are not welcome to offer such ridiculous comments as you left here, Richard. If you do, they will be deleted, as they were today. I am still shaking my head at your blatant disregard for the scarring emotional repercussions of what you actually suggested doing to a child who misbehaved.

While I appreciate that you acknowledged that Dan suffered abuse, your additional comments were lacking support, which is the purpose of these individual threads.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Oct 07, 2008
Darlene,
by: Richard

***Comment removed by Darlene Barriere - Webmaster***

Note from Darlene: I thank you for the clarification, Richard. Perhaps my comments dated Oct 6, 2008 at Child Abuse Story From Scott Part 2 on this site titled I do not agree... will give some insight into my position. When you get to the thread, you'll have to scroll down to the bottom of the page to read my comments.

Again, I've removed your comment from here as this thread is intended for validating, encouraging and supportive comments to Dan. It is not the place to either debate or instill your beliefs about the issue of spanking. Continuing to address this issue on this thread is being disrespectful to Dan. I do thank you for your understanding, Richard.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

Apr 01, 2010
Never told anyone before
by: Anonymous

I am also a man in my 50s. When I was a teenager, my mother -- a single parent -- regularly punished spanked me naked in front of my older sister and her girlfriends. Sometimes my mother's friends -- all women -- or neighbors were present. I was forced to walk around naked afterwards. My sister would make up stories about me just so she and her friends could witness my naked punishments. My mother has long since died and I have not spoken to my sister in almost 30 years. On a couple of occasions, I have confided in friends about my past, but they seem to think I made it all up. I think people would be surprised to know about some things that happened in families behind closed doors, especially 30 or 40 years ago when parents' rights to discipline their children went unchallenged. I never married or had really good relationships with women, but to the best of my knowledge, my mother and sister never had good relationships with men either. Thanks for reading this. Dan's story brought back some memories that I usually avoid thinking about.

Mar 01, 2011
your dad had a fetish.
by: Joel

Hi, my name is Joel and I have to say this is just wrong. I wonder why people make such an idolotrous worship of the past, when this is the kind of discipline that was going on and even encouraged. I do not have any children, but I could NEVER imagine doing that to them. This was nothing more than your dads fetish disguised as discipline.

Jul 02, 2011
spanking
by: Anonymous

You were not alone Dan I was done the same way. An example was dad had made a paint stir paddle & it was in the back room of the house to where we kept stuff in general. I was thirteen yrs of age I picked up the paddle & was playing with it by flipping it & catching it. Dad saw this & told me to remove my clothes I was surprised as I looked at him as he repeated it. I removed my clothes & he grabbed me naked & began to spank my bare buttocks I cried loudly feeling the stings of the paddle as it blistered my bare flesh. He held me tightly as I bawled I thought I was going to pass out from tbe constant barrage & suddenly it had stopped dad still holding my arm welding the paddle he scolded. I never did or will ever forget this.

Jan 08, 2012
Wow
by: Gabrielle

This happened to me as well. I was forced to stand naked with my pants down in a room although alone for one hour before my step dad who was directed by my mother to come in an whip me with the leather belt. It was like a game of you'll receive more lashings if you cry and if you dont you will only receive as many as the age I was. 12 at the time. By this age I was excellent at disassociating.
Thankyou for your courage to post this as I am still thinking I have overreacted to the abuse. It is empowering to me for you to have posted this online.
Kind Regards,
Gabrielle
PS If you are posting this hopefully it is an indicator that you are in a place of management and not still trying to figure out if it actually happened.

Jan 08, 2012
WOW Also
by: Thomas

I was also subjected to the same humiliation. This was in the mid to late 60's. I had to face the wall the rest of the day either naked or with my pants and underwear down around my ankles. This way my friends and neighbors could see my red and swollen bottom and legs. The worst would be to have my brother come in from outside with his friends and make comments & jeer at me (some older females) like" What, did you forget to take your happy pills' I had ADHD and my medication (which I hated to take) was valium and phenobarbital. If I turn around or if turn my head to one side I was hit again with the belt or longer times facing the wall. Can you image a child with ADHD that had to be still and face a wall and not move for a day.

Thomas

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