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May 23, 2008
Part 1: Didn't have the "guts" to stop him???
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

No no no, Courtney. You are putting adult values on what you perceive as decisions you made as a child. You didn't make these choices; he did. You need to understand something: You COULD NOT have stopped him. As the adult, he had ALL the power over you. You didn't LET him do anything; he forced you through fear and intimidation. You froze because you were afraid; a perfectly natural reaction. So, right here, right now, make the decision to never again question why you froze, to never again question why you didn't stop him. When you do, you blame yourself. You are NOT to blame. This is all on him, Courtney, HIM. He's a child molester, a sex offender. It wasn't your fault. It will never BE your fault. He stole your innocence and a part of your childhood, but don't keep giving up your power to him. He's not worth it! You are so right when you say "HE CAN'T CONTROL ME NOW!"

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

May 23, 2008
Part 2: Your mother...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

As for your mother, Courtney, she has serious, SERIOUS problems of her own. She has chosen not to believe you, her precious daughter, probably because believing you would mean accepting responsibility for not protecting you and keeping you safe from harm; which was her job as a mother. It would mean accepting that she chose a child molester for a partner. And that's just the surface stuff; there's still all the baggage that comes with making such irresponsible choices in her life, choices that led to the vilest of consequences for you.

Make no mistake, Courtney, no matter the reasons, they are not excuses. There can be no excuses for the way she's treated you. Not only did you deserve to have a loving and nurturing and supportive stepfather in that pervert of a man, what you needed in your darkest hour, in your most desperate and frightful time was your mother. You needed her to be your rock, your confidante, your soft place to land. But mostly, you needed her to believe you. Instead, you were met with betrayal and abandonment. I am so sorry that she wasn't strong enough to be the mother you needed her to be. If I had been your mother, I would have put my arms around you and told you that I believe you and that I love you and that I would do whatever it took to bring that pervert to justice and that you would never again be put in harms way and that no matter what I would make sure that everyone understood that you were to be believed and that you needed time to heal.

As for "guts," you showed tremendous courage by telling. Given the outcome with your family, I can certainly understand why you would be second-guessing your decision to tell...perhaps the better way to look at this is that by telling, the abuse finally stopped. By telling, you stood up and loudly declared to this child molester that you would not take it any more. I for one hold you in the highest regard for taking action when you did.

I sincerely hope you are in some form of counselling, Courtney. You can't change the way your family is reacting to all this, but you can take charge of your own life and get the help you need. You deserve that help.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

May 28, 2008
i cant say i feel your pain, but i do understand !
by: ashley (desire b.)

The fact that your mother did not believe you is very hard to deal with and of course its going to make you start to blame yourself for the situation. Like, Darlene said dont blame yourself and now that your older, you are completely right, "he has no control over you anymore". It isn't right that he took your childhood memories from you and that this is something that you have to deal with your whole life. I do understand how this would make you feel, but I can not say I feel your pain.

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