Comments for Child Abuse Story From Connie1

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Mar 09, 2009
 Blocked or "repressed" memories...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Connie, it is not uncommon to block out painful traumatic experiences. It was your brain's way of protecting you from what you could not deal with. It IS quite common for those blocked memories to eventually be remembered. Repressed memories can flood to the surface after a triggering event, an event that may be related to an age and/or stage of your life. If this is an issue with you—and it certainly sounds like it is an issue—I suggest you seek out a therapist, someone trained in memory retrieval.

Given what you witnessed and experiences at the hands of your criminally violent father, it comes as no surprise that you would not trust men. You said that even when you're in a relationship, you are promiscuous; this could be a "get them before they get me" situation. You'd rather hurt them before they ever get the chance to hurt you. Indeed, by being promiscuous, you effectively drive them away before they can ever leave you. But that is just a lay-woman's observation. A therapist is in a far better position to offer an opinion and provide assistance in dealing with the residual.

I do, however, speak from experience when I say that not all men are like your father. There are loads of loving, supportive, caring men out there; and you deserve to have one of those kind of men in your life. But as long as you refuse to trust them because of your brute of a father, then not only do you deny yourself the potential for a fulfilling relationship with one of those men, you in essence continue to give up your power to the very man who took it from you so long ago. He doesn't deserve to have that power; you deserve to take that power back for yourself, Connie.

And I certainly understand your skepticism at your father becoming a "new man", having found "God". I won't deny that is entirely possible that he is changed; but I would be unconvinced until he really proved himself. One way would be for him to actually acknowledge ALL that he has done and how it affected everyone around him, especially, how his violence affected YOU. But that is HIS life and HIS cross to bear. Yours, Connie, is to get help for yourself, help in the form of a therapist. The only thing I can offer here is validation and encouragement.

Thank you for sharing your story with my visitors and me.

A Video Reading by Darlene Barriere
Darlene Barriere
Webmaster: www.child-abuse-effects.com
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir

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