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Feb 24, 2008
Perfectly natural...
by: Darlene Barriere - Webmaster

Chuck, you said you are now questioning your sexual orientation. While only you can ultimately determine whether or not you are gay—being gay makes you every bit as perfect as a person as being heterosexual; don't forget that—perhaps I can clear up what was happening to you as an adolescent. It is perfectly natural for a young male to have an erection when he is nervous, anxious or scared, AND it is perfectly natural for a young male (it's not uncommon for girls, either) to achieve an orgasm EVEN when he is being sexually assaulted. Molesters know this about their young male victims, and they use it against them. They tell them things like "You must have enjoyed it, because you had an erection and you got off on it." Chuck, I'm here to tell you that nothing could be further from the truth. The bodies of young males betray them during assaults, and that leaves them asking about their sexual preferences. So if this is the basis of questioning your sexual orientation, you should go a lot deeper than making a determination on the betraying acts of the body of a 14- or 15-year-old teenage young man.

I'm also here to tell you that you have nothing to be ashamed of. You have nothing to feel guilty for. They were the adults; you were the child. The blame and guilt lies squarely on their shoulders. It wasn't your fault that they took advantage of you and your shame for finding those girlie magazines. It will never be your fault, Chuck, no matter what you think you consented to. You were not in a position to consent. They had power over you and they misused that power. Herb and his friends were despicable. They essentially blackmailed you, a curious and oh-so vulnerable adolescent, for their sexual gratification. They committed crimes against you, and they probably did the same to other boys. Herb and his friends should be held accountable for those crimes, not you.

As for your numbness, "numb" is a very efficient coping skill, one you developed a long time ago to avoid the pain, and so breaking through it will take time. I hope you and your therapist can break through it together. And I sincerely hope more men will come forward (there are a lot more men who suffer with the emotional residue of having been sexually abused than you might realize) in order for a support group to come to fruition. You certainly deserve that support, Chuck.

Darlene Barriere
Violence & Abuse Prevention Educator
Author: On My Own Terms, A Memoir


Mar 03, 2008
OMG!!!
by: Anonymous

I feel sooo bad for you!!!!

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